I have been planning for months. Driving around looking for high places. Researching if overdosing on my medications would work. I want it to be no fail. Peaceful if possible. I keep contemplating hanging because its so accessible....but I've read it can be very painful. I am in so much mental pain after my my recent episode. Its layered on years of depression and destructive manic episodes. I am now dealing with unemployment, the loss of my marriage, estrangement from my son. Its all too much. I don't see it getting nay better, and I would rather leave before it gets worse. If I have struggled for over 25 years, how could it realistically get better? I have lost 4 friends to suicide. I wish I had their courage. One shot himself. Messy. Two hung ( one by partial hanging...I admire her determination in overcoming SI) . One its been a secret, though I think he got something to take that helped him die peacefully. I feel like a coward. I feel like it would somehow fail, and things would be even worse. Its a catch 22. My state of being is unbearable. Bipolar 1 with psychosis, cPTSD, intense anxiety. Currently in the deepest depression of my life. Completely cut-off from all I connected with before. Barely functional.
DrownFeather
The proudest communist feather ever
- Apr 7, 2022
- 184
I'm sorry 
for going through hard times like that but i don't suggest overdosing it's painful mostly but i tried hanging it's doesn't feel any pain IF done correctly, but however wish you be able to fix all your problems and get relief
for going through hard times like that but i don't suggest overdosing it's painful mostly but i tried hanging it's doesn't feel any pain IF done correctly, but however wish you be able to fix all your problems and get reliefI keep reading that pain is unavoidable with hanging...that it can take as long as 10 minutes.
I am now researching SN.
I am now researching SN.
Not an expert here but after experimenting with partial hanging i say its like your head being cut off from your body and its not painful, been reading its quite unreliable though.
It seems like it would be really hard to defeat the SI. That you could just stand up. I have practiced just holding the rope, and couldn't take it. I imagine I would stand-up....
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 44,997
I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. It must be so awful what you are going through. More than anything I wish that ctb was easier, all that I want is to peacefully pass away. Hanging sounds like a horrible way to leave this world, I have never attempted as it is a risky method, the fear of failure is what holds me back. I do wish that we lived in a world where our right to die is respected and then we could leave peacefully when the time is right for us. I hope you find relief from pain in whatever happens.
So was it painful? Don't fight survival instincts, they are there for a reason. I don't think hang themselves sober, maybe some sleeping pills?
houseofleaves
and this with thee remains.
- Jan 14, 2022
- 554
I think I have to gather the strength and hang. I have been contemplating it for months. Practicing first with an extension cord. Then bought rope yesterday. Its been so long now. I can't take it. Many people have been successful.
DrownFeather
The proudest communist feather ever
- Apr 7, 2022
- 184
If failed like rope break or body was able to get rid of it while unconscious it get you brain damaged if hang was more than 2 mins so safety locks are needed but hell i will try it any way, and if i end a vegetative at least i will be just ghost with no conscious
But I heard most people fail because they are just "trying" where it actually need your whole weight with desire to cbt, it might then work
But I heard most people fail because they are just "trying" where it actually need your whole weight with desire to cbt, it might then work
Wishing you two the best.
Rope is better than electrical cord for sure, but how to beat SI? I'll have to find myself.
Can"t you ask doctor/physican about sleeping pills? I got them with no problem and i didn"t even ask much
Rope is better than electrical cord for sure, but how to beat SI? I'll have to find myself.
Can"t you ask doctor/physican about sleeping pills? I got them with no problem and i didn"t even ask much
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onlyanimalsaregood
Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
- Mar 11, 2022
- 1,329
I'm so sorry for your suffering. Life can be truly unfair. You didn't deserve to go through all of that. I hope you can find peace whatever you decide. I want you to know that you're not alone.
Thank you. Life is unfair for many. There is very little understanding for the pain of mental illness, except for those that live with it. People in general more easily understand physical suffering, direct tragedy, etc...I wish I could be assisted with a peaceful way.
onlyanimalsaregood
Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
- Mar 11, 2022
- 1,329
So true. Well, you have us that understand the feeling so if you ever feel like venting or talking about anything, you can contact me :)
LeavingEarly
Specialist
- Mar 19, 2022
- 376
I am skizoaffective/bipolar and lost all my friends, job and most of my family due to manic episodes. I feel your pain.
How do you live with it now? ( income, home, purpose etc) . I feel if I had these things I might make it through. I have lost all hope for being capable of finding a job.
depressed anxious/manic episodes.... goddam destroys everything, every time.... I also feel your pain......
thank you. this last episode destroyed all I knew. I feel too old to get through it this time. I can't tolerate the idea of it happening again. I felt that way LAST time it happened.
I was arrested twice this time. Never been arrested before in my life. My self-worth is completely drained. My delusional mother is all I have now, who keeps telling me I just need to heal...its beyond that. The pain of seeing my husband just move on too...obviously relieved to be rid of me, and have complete control over our son, because after 12 years of mothering, of being so close with him, I can't be trusted.
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how do you live with it all? I feel intolerable shame about my behavior, and at this point, pathetic. Small town full of people that I don't talk to anymore, who now just feel sorry for me. I was functional for years before this hit again.
difficult to answer.... i have tried to not be bothered by other people i dont care for... but it isnt always that easy....
How old are you?
When I was younger, I had more resilience. I could still see the future as holding potential.
Getting on a bit.... (45/50 ish).... was going to ask you the same...
was just reading back through the thread.....
quote: "There is very little understanding for the pain of mental illness, except for those that live with it."
Boy do i know this........
was just reading back through the thread.....
quote: "There is very little understanding for the pain of mental illness, except for those that live with it."
Boy do i know this........
LeavingEarly
Specialist
- Mar 19, 2022
- 376
I have some money saved up and I live with my folks half the time. I am not dealing with it well that's why I am on the forum. :\
Of The Universe
Specialist
- Dec 31, 2021
- 382
Don't feel shame. Its not your fault. I hope you take time to figure out your next step. Are u getting help? You were functional before,maybe u can be again.
Buy I wish u relief from your suffering, whatever way you go!
i think "of the universe" has summed it up, but was thinking about the episode thing and i seem to have had to sidestep in life somewhat after....
Stay strong headspin....
Stay strong headspin....
