Help Desperate Dating?

[wanttogetonthebus]

I was an independent and happy young female adult before. I had a few online friends I enjoyed spending time with. COVID completely took the "me" away from me. I was healthy and happy before it, but I now suffer from chronic 24/7 tinnitus and an inability to sleep properly. Everything I once enjoyed is now trash as the tinnitus blasts into my ears and I can't even escape it through sleep. It's driving me mad. Sometimes, I wonder if I was in a "relationship" with someone I already know who's wellbeing I care about, if that would be enough motivation to keep me living in this new Hell of a life for longer. If I had someone to take care of, to want to spend time with, to dedicate myself to and feel loved by, maybe this would make some difference. Or maybe it's a shot in the dark and wouldn't make any difference at all. Is it even worth a shot to even try asking my 'friends' about us dating? Would someone really date a suicidal person? Will this make me seem absolutely bat S crazy? I'm just trying to find a way to hang in there at least a little longer. I'm losing the motivation to even keep trying just to 'see if things will get better'. There is no cure for tinnitus. It's been a month and a half since COVID and my symptoms have only gotten worse at the least, not better. Once I truly decide to CTB, it won't matter anymore what anyone thinks of me. Any suggestions or thoughts?

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I don't think suicidal people should start seeking out relationships. Seems really unfair for the other person

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

I don't think suicidal people should start seeking out relationships. Seems really unfair for the other person

All I can say is that I'd date a suicidal person depending on the circumstances because there can be more to people underneath the surface. But, I'm one to talk.

 

[quakociaptockh2]

My opinion is the opposite. There's no point postponing relationships for "better times". Especially in case of chronic depression that will never go away. Depressed people are worthy of love just like anyone else.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I mean if you straight up disclose that you're suicidal and they still want to take the risk dating you, sure, I don't see a problem with that.

But if you end up dating someone(and you didn't tell them you're suicidal), knowing full well that you may end your life at anytime, and traumatize that person forever, that's fucked up

I'm suicidal and my life's all sorts of fucked up right now. No way would I want anyone to be a part of this

 

[Someone123]

All I can say is that I'd date a suicidal person depending on the circumstances because there can be more to people underneath the surface. But, I'm one to talk.

How loud is the tinnitus? Unfortunately I have had tinnitus for many years due to some medication but it is pretty quiet, not enough to disrupt sleep. Quieter tinnitus can be gotten used to eventually, I think the volume is a key factor. Best of luck. (P.S. If you want to PM that is ok.)

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

My opinion is the opposite. There's no point postponing relationships for "better times". Especially in case of chronic depression that will never go away. Depressed people are worthy of love just like anyone else.

Thanks Sometimes it hurts so much, I often forget I deserve any love at all. Life's not forever, so I think you're right that we need to make it count while we still have to bear it. Wishing you all the best in the best in health and happiness wherever life takes you.

How loud is the tinnitus? Unfortunately I have had tinnitus for many years due to some medication but it is pretty quiet, not enough to disrupt sleep. Quieter tinnitus can be gotten used to eventually, I think the volume is a key factor. Best of luck. (P.S. If you wan to PM that is ok.)

Thanks so much. Unfortunately it's quite loud Loud enough to be heard over any other sound and when it hits it's worst peaks, fire alarm levels of loud. I've secretly always been afraid of tinnitus since I have a personality where peace and quiet and serene reflection is my bread and butter happiness. The irony of getting tinnitus out of the blue that is this bad is almost 'divine'. I'm glad your tinnitus doesn't hold you back! At this point, there's nothing in this universe I could hate more.

 

[_Minsk]

i miss the relationships I've had when i wasn't depressed/suicidal... it simply worked without any effort.. but when my Depression kicked in, the effort went straight into the roof, the underlying feeling of not being able to give my partner the happiness and joy i used to is just painful..
i would say from my experience, it's impossible and probably not the best to look into serious/longterm relationships with non depressed people while you're depressed or even suicidal..
I've been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts since so long now and i know the feeling of not being able to sustain relationships in the long run, its very painful. I've developed tinnitus as well like 3-4 months ago, and the longer i live with it, the more agonizing it becomes, it's very hard to live with it for me personally.

nonetheless, from my experience it's possible to be in a relationship that works for you and your partner. but you might have to find someone who's also depressed as you and willing to be in the relationship. the best thing is to listen to yourself, if you feel like you could manage to get it working, go for it, bcuz why not? if you find someone who's the same and looking for the same while being honest and open, its a win win i think. but take my words with a pinch of salt, it might be different or not apply to everyone

Thanks Sometimes it hurts so much, I often forget I deserve any love at all. Life's not forever, so I think you're right that we need to make it count while we still have to bear it. Wishing you all the best in the best in health and happiness wherever life takes you.

Thanks so much. Unfortunately it's quite loud Loud enough to be heard over any other sound and when it hits it's worst peaks, fire alarm levels of loud. I've secretly always been afraid of tinnitus since I have a personality where peace and quiet and serene reflection is my bread and butter happiness. The irony of getting tinnitus out of the blue that is this bad is almost 'divine'. I'm glad your tinnitus doesn't hold you back! At this point, there's nothing in this universe I could hate more.

same for me, i love silence as well, it gives me peace of mind and it makes me feel like slowly returning back to my center, its a strange circumstance, but when i look back, it always went like this, everything i loved the most got destroyed, its kinda weird, not sure if it can be seen as a pattern but its kinda obvious now for me, im not making this up sadly x3