Derealisation

[qwerty1969]

Anyone suffering from this?

 

[clear sky 321]

From what?

 

[neuroconk]

I find that whenever I have a vivid dream it sends me into this feeling of derealization and depersonalization for days. I stop knowing what's real and it feels as if my personality changes to the one I experienced in that new world my unconscious created. Also whenever I start to focus on the absurdity of things, it gets extremely disorienting.

 

[CringeNihilism]

Happened to me before. ngl It was somehow comforting and calming. Wish I could experience derealization more.

 

[neuroconk]

I agree, it feels refreshing and adventurous in a way. Like there's a hidden world waiting for you that's the real one with knowledge that feels secretive as if you're a child again. Just sucks personally because it can send me into mania and cause me to make bizarre decisions

 

[http-410]

Besides great mental agony, derealization and depersonalization are the worst conditions for me, especially since they are permanent. Life is simply no longer worth living if you constantly feel like a zombie, a ghost or 10 feet behind yourself. It permanently feels like I'm disintegrating into my component parts, it has destroyed my concentration, memory and attachment to myself and the world around me. It's fucking killing me.

 

[Blackroom_57]

Yes I have this chronically. It makes life pure hell and not worth living.

 

[Nikalakon]

I find it unfortunate that some people are suffering as a result of this condition and I can certainly understand that if it also involves depersonalization, it could lead to less than fun experiences. I have empathy and feel for you if that is your case. For me, on the other hand, it's the exact opposite and it is the one thing that makes life worth living. I personally truly enjoy the dissociation that my body creates.

When life involves pain & suffering, and when one is confronted to the absurdity of life, what is one supposed to do? Some CTB, some keep suffering either because they can't physically CTB or they choose to endure for whatever reason (for their family, friends, beliefs...), and some find meaning in distracting themselves. Regardless, the pain is still present and it never really goes away. However, the few times when I do not suffer is when my body is dissociating from my thoughts. I live in a dream-like world where I am not fully in control of my environment but, somehow, it is still more pleasant than reality itself. My mind seldom goes to bad places, but more often than not, it ends up in an ideal world where I am actually reasonably happy although it's generally very abstract. It's a little difficult to explain, it's like being in a movie that your mind creates: lots is happening and even though you're not an actual part of the "story", you still enjoy watching as events unfold. When life sucks, any alternative is better, I guess. Similarly, I absolutely enjoy dreaming at night. It's a little bit of a balm for an otherwise shitty life.

Now there are some drawbacks. My memory is getting shittier and shittier and forgetfulness rules my life. It's not uncommon that if I need to run two errands, I do the first one and then somehow end up in a day-dreaming state and completely forget about the other one. At first, I was scared about the repercussions, but I just eventually stopped giving a f... I forget work stuff, meetings with friends and other things but whatever. When it happens, it is the only part of the day that I feel a little less the endless suffering that cripples me as my mind is busy in this "other world". I just stopped giving a s... about the "real" world. The one that my mind created involves much less suffering. And for me, this is as "real" as the other fucked up one.

 

[Jason84931]

Anyone suffering from this?

Yes, I do.

 

[Sparr0w]

occasionally, yeah. it's pretty hard for me to tell when i'm dissociating/derealising etc, i think i do it more than i realise...

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

i get derealization all the time. feels like im not a part of this world, like im outside reality. everything feels fake. it kinda is all fake though. we're just living in a hall of mirrors, everything is just a reflection of some other reflection, ad infinitum

i probably have what psychs would call "DPDR", not dx'd tho. i have too many other diagnoses to worry about adding that one, and diagnoses are just social constructs anyway that imo do more harm than good. i wouldnt even say i 'suffer' from derealization. derealization helps me dissociate from the pain and anxiety of this world and existence. it also allows me to see reality from an outside lens and to dwell in the existential dread rather than denying it. the only thing i suffer from is existence.

 

[Paradise]

You phrased it very beautifully. Dpdr is a coping mechanism to shield you from the existence. I however think I suffer the most from dpdr than anything. I want to exist, I want to feel, I want to be real. But I can't. Endless cycle of being just a bit too detached to live.