Depression

[Bulldogbitch]

It seems when i wake, my first thought is i want to die. Throughout the day I'm either crying, which isn't like me, or I'm so angry and irritable.
I feel so alone, yet i don't want to be around anyone.
I'm tired all the time.
I have support in the community (UK) but i feel they don't listen when i say how suicidal i feel but I'm also aware they can't really do anything to help.
I started back on a mood stabilizer but i hate taking my medication, i don't know why, i just get angry about it.

I don't know if anyone relates?
This is more a distraction post as I don't know how I'm going to get through the day, and would be good to get to know some of you

 

[Backwoodsqueer]

I completely understand. I feel like I'm living for everyone else instead of myself and that makes me pissed off and irritable all the time. Community help is a joke for most poeple. Medication either makes me feel like a zombie or makes me feel pathetic for needing it. You aren't alone, friend.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

UK mental health services are awful, they tick boxes and put pen to paper but actual support, there is none.
The emotions you are feeling, are relevant to you and your situation, my question though, what makes you feel like you want to CTB?

 

[Bulldogbitch]

UK mental health services are awful, they tick boxes and put pen to paper but actual support, there is none.
The emotions you are feeling, are relevant to you and your situation, my question though, what makes you feel like you want to CTB?

It's not just depression, i suffer with bulimia so that's a daily hell i live in. I feel I've tried and tried but get nowhere. I'm always exhausted which is horrible. Also live with daily chronic pain.
If I'm honest i don't think anyone wants to CTB, we all want something better, but some times i feel I'm out of options.

I completely understand. I feel like I'm living for everyone else instead of myself and that makes me pissed off and irritable all the time. Community help is a joke for most poeple. Medication either makes me feel like a zombie or makes me feel pathetic for needing it. You aren't alone, friend.

I think, why should i even need meds? Am i broken???
Definitely get living for everyone else. Feels unfair.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

It seems when i wake, my first thought is i want to die. Throughout the day I'm either crying, which isn't like me, or I'm so angry and irritable.
I feel so alone, yet i don't want to be around anyone.
I'm tired all the time.
I have support in the community (UK) but i feel they don't listen when i say how suicidal i feel but I'm also aware they can't really do anything to help.
I started back on a mood stabilizer but i hate taking my medication, i don't know why, i just get angry about it.

I don't know if anyone relates?
This is more a distraction post as I don't know how I'm going to get through the day, and would be good to get to know some of you

Oh yeah definitely I know how you feel. I'm gonna make a distraction post too soon for my CTB date. But honey I know ALL about waking up in the damn morning and wanting to die.

 

[Ghost2211]

I know how you feel. I'm the same way. Sending you hugs and love.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I think, why should i even need meds? Am i broken???
Definitely get living for everyone else. Feels unfair.

Yeah, depression sucks. Sorry you are cursed with this. I feel that the modern attitude to labelling you with a 'disease' and then giving you medication to 'cure' it is disingenuous at best. We are who we are, people, with personality traits. Some desirable, some undesirable. But I am who I am and I don't want 'curing' of being me. Better to accept yourself and figure out how to live as who you are. Medication and therapy can be a part of this for some, but you have to know what you are getting into and not take it at face value. Every case is different because every person is different. Patients should be treated as people rather than a collection of symptoms to be 'cured.' This is the curse of western medicine.

 

[LittleJem]

I'm the same. Wake up wanting to die. Cry all day. Rinse and repeat.

 

[absurd_to_the_end]

Same. Most days start with me crying when I wake. Feel so alone. I don't have any close friends and family, and I don't want to burden anyone with how I feel. I flip between not wanting to be around anyone, to desperately wanting to connect but being unable to. As LittleJem said, rinse and repeat.

 

[CuddleHug]

I feel so alone, yet i don't want to be around anyone.

This line resonates so much for me. The other stuff you said, too, but especially that one. Hugs <3

 

[Bulldogbitch]

I know how you feel. I'm the same way. Sending you hugs and love.

Awww thank you lovely

I'm the same. Wake up wanting to die. Cry all day. Rinse and repeat.

So sorry you're going through this nightmare too. Big hugs

Same. Most days start with me crying when I wake. Feel so alone. I don't have any close friends and family, and I don't want to burden anyone with how I feel. I flip between not wanting to be around anyone, to desperately wanting to connect but being unable to. As LittleJem said, rinse and repeat.

Yeah it's awful. You can always message me, if it helps?

 

[revenge88]

Same here !

 

[Jean4]

Feel the same way. Grabbed a couple of members here, and we started a meme/gif war. It helps. Find something to bounce yourself out of it. Whatever works. I do understand how you are feeling.

 

[Justrying]

Same here. Hope this will get better. <333