Venting Declared a Missing Person

[DeathWish3301]

I've been homeless for a few months. Have no family or friends that give a fuck. My dad abandoned me when I was twelve. I was intermittently homeless in high school cause my Mom would throw me out just because she could.

I knew it was going to happen and tried to CTB many, many times prior so I wouldn't have to deal with it. It's not the only reason I wanted to, far from it, just trying to stay within context of this story. I'm leaving a lot out here.

Stopped going to therapy and seeing a psychiatrist when it happened, cause what's the point?

I was in a shopping plaza, using wifi and sitting in the shade. A city police officer comes up to me. "Are you DeathWish3301?" I tell him yeah.

He tells me that I was declared a missing person (*months ago*) by the clinic I used to be a patient at. Which is stupid on it's own because they knew I was homeless. Absolutely no reason for them to do that; I swear they just enjoy fucking with me.

I walk the main roads every day, cops pass by me all the time. I'm in a relatively small "city", you can barely even call it that. And they just now noticed? I'd also like to add that two more cops showed up to "assist" the original one, who knew me from previous CTB attempts. I basically have a reputation with the department for being a suicidal nutcase.

But I know what happened. Someone I used to know, a person that fucked me over and treated me like shit saw me, and called. A person who knew I ended up on the street and didn't give a fuck when it happened. I know this because we made eye contact when they passed and the police show up only a few minutes after that. Of course, they didn't stop to ask how I was. Because they don't care.

I read the free online paper every day, no mention of me being "missing". I sometime walk the length of the city in a day, no flyers. No one in my "family" out looking for me, I would've been very easy to spot with how often I'm out on the street.

So, yeah. The government, police and system don't give a fuck about any of us.

And certainly no one gives a fuck about me; I've always known that. Just had it shoved in my face, again.

Just gave me more of a reminder why I need to CTB, and gave me crystal clear confirmation that no one will notice or give a fuck when I'm gone.

Thanks for reading.

 

[whywere]

Well, I for one care about YOU 100%. I was also kicked out at 18, homeless and hungry, way back in 1974, and my heart breaks for you and I REALLY want you to know and believe that I care about and for YOU, as we are family on here.

Also, your cop experience reminds me of my 2nd attempt when the cops came and said something to the effect of "well at least we do not need to clean this one up" and laughed in my face before dragging me to a waiting ambulance.

I live in a city of over 4 million and I am always in astonishment over the fact of how my mental experiences are all over the place. Of course, it does not help that anyone can hop on the net type in my name and up comes everything from the state where I live about my meatal health, cops my court appearance everything. Does anyone where I live care about me? HELL NO! So, my heart breaks into millions of pieces for you, as you ARE a worthwhile, intelligent and caring soul.

Lots of hugs, love and CARING thoughts to/for YOU, my very good friend.

Walter

 

[DeathWish3301]

Well, I for one care about YOU 100%. I was also kicked out at 18, homeless and hungry, way back in 1974, and my heart breaks for you and I REALLY want you to know and believe that I care about and for YOU, as we are family on here.

Also, your cop experience reminds me of my 2nd attempt when the cops came and said something to the effect of "well at least we do not need to clean this one up" and laughed in my face before dragging me to a waiting ambulance.

I live in a city of over 4 million and I am always in astonishment over the fact of how my mental experiences are all over the place. Of course, it does not help that anyone can hop on the net type in my name and up comes everything from the state where I live about my meatal health, cops my court appearance everything. Does anyone where I live care about me? HELL NO! So, my heart breaks into millions of pieces for you, as you ARE a worthwhile, intelligent and caring soul.

Lots of hugs, love and CARING thoughts to/for YOU, my very good friend.

Walter

I'm not at all surprised at how you were treated by the police. I have relatives in that profession and I can say for certain it definitely attracts narcissists with a hero complex. I've also had very bad experiences with them in the past.

As far as everything else, thank you so much. I'll admit it, your response made me a little emotional. Being honest, it hurts a lot that online strangers are nicer to me than anyone in my "family".

Thank you for your kindness and care, Walter. Your post means a lot to me. Love and hugs back at you.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I want to comment because I was homeless from December 2022 to March 2023 that there are ways to get jobs and into housing however being in a small town is a dead end... I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life however I am going to say some that there are actually places in the United States that will give you housing if you can show a month of pay stubs. Unfortunately that means you're going to have to find a way to get to a bigger city.

I had got out of prison which led to me being homeless, and no family or friends helped me out so I know it's rough, but it's entirely escapable.
I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through, and I hope you're the best and if you ever want to talk to me you can.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

That is so horrible...
What did the cops do once they found you?

 

[DeathWish3301]

That is so horrible...
What did the cops do once they found you?

Yeah. Confirmed I wasn't a missing person and went on their way.

I want to comment because I was homeless from December 2022 to March 2023 that there are ways to get jobs and into housing however being in a small town is a dead end... I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life however I am going to say some that there are actually places in the United States that will give you housing if you can show a month of pay stubs. Unfortunately that means you're going to have to find a way to get to a bigger city.

I had got out of prison which led to me being homeless, and no family or friends helped me out so I know it's rough, but it's entirely escapable.
I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through, and I hope you're the best and if you ever want to talk to me you can.

Thank you. Likewise.

 

[iloverachel]

I'm sorry you feel so alone my friend

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Yeah. Confirmed I wasn't a missing person and went on their way.

That whole ordeal for nothing, just to make you feel worse, that's so aggravating... I'm so sorry your life came to this, it's not fair.

 

[Raven2]

I really feel for you being in your situation, I wish I had loads of money to help people out like you who just need a warm comfy home.

We care on here, even though we are all strangers.

On another note @whywere
Walter I really like reading your posts you are full of love and empathy for others. Thank you for being so kind to everyone

 

[DeathWish3301]

I really feel for you being in your situation, I wish I had loads of money to help people out like you who just need a warm comfy home.

We care on here, even though we are all strangers.

On another note @whywere
Walter I really like reading your posts you are full of love and empathy for others. Thank you for being so kind to everyone

I truly don't have anyone IRL. No one gives a fuck about me. Being on here makes me feel a little less alone. Thank you for your kindness.

 

[prototypian]

Sorry about this. It must suck and I'm sorry you're not understood and treated like crap.

 

[Raven2]

Im glad this site brings you some form of comfort. Vent all you want, we will listen to you. Sending you light and love.

 

[DeathWish3301]

Sorry about this. It must suck and I'm sorry you're not understood and treated like crap.

Thank you, and yeah it does.

Just hoping to CTB soon so I don't have to deal with it anymore.

 

[whywere]

I really feel for you being in your situation, I wish I had loads of money to help people out like you who just need a warm comfy home.

We care on here, even though we are all strangers.

On another note @whywere
Walter I really like reading your posts you are full of love and empathy for others. Thank you for being so kind to everyone

THANK YOU so much for the uplifting thoughtful mentioning of me. We ALL help each other out, as that is what family does for each other.

Have a great day, my great friend.

Walter

 

[Meteora]

I m so sorry life treats you this way......
I really wish you had a home, a room, a bed. Your situation sounds so dreadful.

How old are you now?

I can understand the part with noone caring, it s the same with my "family".

Me too, I wished I had a lot of money to help people like you. It s just so unfair.

 

[DeathWish3301]

I m so sorry life treats you this way......
I really wish you had a home, a room, a bed. Your situation sounds so dreadful.

How old are you now?

I can understand the part with noone caring, it s the same with my "family".

Me too, I wished I had a lot of money to help people like you. It s just so unfair.

I'm twenty nine, hoping to CTB before I turn thirty next month.

Yeah, my "family" are all narcissists or enablers. They only care for themselves, and gaslight me when I call them out for it.

Thank you for all the kind words. They truly mean a lot to me.

 

[Meteora]

I'm twenty nine, hoping to CTB before I turn thirty next month.

Ok....

Yeah, my "family" are all narcissists or enablers. They only care for themselves, and gaslight me when I call them out for it.

Same, exact same. All narcissists in my "family".

Thank you for all the kind words. They truly mean a lot to me.

You re welcome.