Venting Dec 2nd

[Idontmatter]

Dec 2nd is going to be my official ctb day. I've been delaying constantly because of my husband. I'm using November to show him the bills and bank account and he is going to have to take it from here. This also allows me to go on the 2 trips my husband has planned., I feel stupid for constantly delaying this but it has to be the right time. I keep dropping hints to my husband but they are all going over his head. I'm getting more and more overwhelmed with this life. I hate being that depressed family member that everyone looks at differently. I want to disappear. Sorry if I'm annoying on here. I feel like a burden on my family and I feel like I just don't fit in anywhere. Plus the amount of self hatred I have for myself is crazy. I've already have been told I'm no help because I hate myself so much. Dec 2nd I'm just going to get a cheap hotel , drink sn and fall asleep. Hopefully it works. This time I'm not expecting si to get me like my last attempt. This is my decision and I'm very happy with it. Sorry all. I feel like i should apologize for existing.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry to hear you'll be leaving us so soon

 

[universe]

I wish you find peace. I'm sorry life and pain brought you here. I send you all my prayers.

 

[CTB72]

Sorry to hear that you're in so much pain. I've been battling with depression for most of my life. And can honestly say I've been unhappy for about 95% of it. I've tried so long and understand how you feel. I don't think I'll be staying much longer in this awful world we live in either.
I hope you find peace whatever you decide.

 

[lifeisadream]

So sorry life has been cruel to you & your husband is unable to acknowledge your pain. Sometimes those close to us can't handle the truth of how we feel. Probably a self defence mechanism to protect themselves from our pain & suffering. That doesn't make it right though, it's just so sad that they can't comprehend how dark the world is through our eyes. Telling you you're no help is truly awful & cruel. When your ctb time comes I hope it goes smoothly for you. Wishing you a peaceful journey to the other side

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand just wanting to disappear, I see to die and being forgotten about as being ideal. I get that it can be so tiring having to exist when your life is just endless misery with no real relief, your feelings of wishing to be gone are understandable. I wish you freedom from this cruel existence for when the time is right for you to leave.

 

[makethepainstop]

I understand you, I hope your pain can be made better.

 

[leeloosnow]

Dec 2nd is going to be my official ctb day. I've been delaying constantly because of my husband. I'm using November to show him the bills and bank account and he is going to have to take it from here. This also allows me to go on the 2 trips my husband has planned., I feel stupid for constantly delaying this but it has to be the right time. I keep dropping hints to my husband but they are all going over his head. I'm getting more and more overwhelmed with this life. I hate being that depressed family member that everyone looks at differently. I want to disappear. Sorry if I'm annoying on here. I feel like a burden on my family and I feel like I just don't fit in anywhere. Plus the amount of self hatred I have for myself is crazy. I've already have been told I'm no help because I hate myself so much. Dec 2nd I'm just going to get a cheap hotel , drink sn and fall asleep. Hopefully it works. This time I'm not expecting si to get me like my last attempt. This is my decision and I'm very happy with it. Sorry all. I feel like i should apologize for existing.

thats such a dark place and i wish things could be different for you =/ glad u are able to take some time and do things, plans ect. i'm dealing with similar things, well, excet for family. thanks for the honest words and for what it's worth i don't find you annoying, or a burden, or worthy of being hated. i would honestly feel pretty angry if anyone but you said those things about you, friend. big hugs and all the best with everything :)

 

[Nirrend]

Dec 2nd is going to be my official ctb day. I've been delaying constantly because of my husband. I'm using November to show him the bills and bank account and he is going to have to take it from here. This also allows me to go on the 2 trips my husband has planned., I feel stupid for constantly delaying this but it has to be the right time. I keep dropping hints to my husband but they are all going over his head. I'm getting more and more overwhelmed with this life. I hate being that depressed family member that everyone looks at differently. I want to disappear. Sorry if I'm annoying on here. I feel like a burden on my family and I feel like I just don't fit in anywhere. Plus the amount of self hatred I have for myself is crazy. I've already have been told I'm no help because I hate myself so much. Dec 2nd I'm just going to get a cheap hotel , drink sn and fall asleep. Hopefully it works. This time I'm not expecting si to get me like my last attempt. This is my decision and I'm very happy with it. Sorry all. I feel like i should apologize for existing.

Don't be rude to yourself ! Every pain is legitimate ❤

Sad to see another member leaving but, if you think it's the way to find peace, I only wish you to be happy ❤

Loving you sweet @Idontmatter ❤❤