Venting Debating for some time. I may be ready.

[EndOfRoad400]

I'm a 24 male. I have battled, and battled, and battled. When I was a teenager, I did some really fucked up things. This has fucked my head and destroyed myself mentally. I Cannot continue and refuse to if what I suspect MAY be true, is true. I refuse. I cry and cry. No way out. Professionals can't help. I'm just gonna miss my girlfriend. That's the only thing that's held me back this long, is the way she will feel about it. But, I'm scum and don't belong. I'm one of the few people who actually deserve to die (being a realist here).

When my guns in my hand, I seem to always not do it (mainly because my girlfriend). I just want it to end. Everything. I'm not to sure why I came here, idk. I just wanna do it without hurting anyone but I know that's impossible.

 

[ExistHarm]

hello,

i feel the same way...as a teenager i also did fucked up things, that have fucked my mentally.. and i think i deserve to die...remember that, honestly, most people deserve to die, so dont beat yourself up too hard before you go...you might want to consider a more peaceful method such as SN, as a gun may be quite painful, might not get the job done, and will leave a mess for your girlfriend...hope you find peace

 

[Kasumi]

I think no matter what you have done in the past, if you regret it to the point that you can be sure you won't do anything like it again, I think it's okay to forgive yourself and leave the past in the past.
We all make mistakes, and sometimes bad ones... but the reality is, we can't change them anymore and it's impossible to make up for it.
So dying will not make it better for anyone.
That said, if it's too difficult to live with those things for the rest of your life, I think that rather than "deserve" you have "the right" to die.

 

[Anhedoniac]

We all did things we regret, you don't have to let your past drag you down forever. At the very least you recognise that you've done wrongs, believe me or not, but few people are self-aware enough to even admit that they committed mistakes or committed morally dubious actions. Sometimes the guilt is too much for those people to bear so they try to rationalise it in a manner that doesn't make them look "bad". There's no way to go back and erase what you did but you can try accepting the consequences of your actions and making amends by doing some good and never committing the same mistakes again

 

[soontobedone]

I'm 57 and making plans to ctb so I do believe in choice. I just wonder though if someone 24 has a little hope they might finally come up with the right medicine?