death of a loved one

[nembutal]

i recently lost what seemed like my last chance at love / friendship with another person. i loved him so much and feel horribly guilt that i didnt die from addiction before him. my connection with him meant everything to me and i miss him horribly. i am reminded of him everywhere, he is in my drawers where his clothes sit, his presence is in the sky, the sun, the trees, everything he had taught me to cherish. i dont have the energy to try and foster a relationship with another person again. i know jasper's essence is irreplaceable and i will never see him again.

i had plans beforehand, but his death is my final straw. it feels like the world is telling me to go fuck myself as its taken everything i ever felt moved by away from me. im trying to read the stories of others who are motivated to ctb by a loss (death, abadonment, etc), so please feel free to share if you are willing. i would appreciate it and your voice would be heard.

 

[prim]

im so sorry nem.. if this feels like your sign to go i would not blame you. please be safe<3

 

[Sourdough]

If it helps, you could tell us some things that were special about Jasper. I hope that you can find peace and that life becomes worth living for you

 

[Dr.Sleep (Im tired)]

Hard times build hard people. I hope you use proper judgement and find what you are looking for.

 

[GasMonkey]

What's your method?

 

[situationalsui]

I'm with you. Lost the most precious person to me in a horrific way. My feeling is that I honour them with my own death.