Dealing with isolation

[lyk0s002]

For any other lonely people out there, how do you deal with isolation? I work alone and I haven't got many friends. No one close to me emotionally either. What ways do you get out of the house and socialize? I go hiking a lot but that's not really a place to meet new people. I've tried meetups a few times but it never really clicked. In the past all of my relationships have come from work but since moving into IT it's been stagnant. Any tips for meeting new people and forming a social circle?

 

[timf]

Volunteer work might be an option. It takes some of the pressure off as the social aspect can be peripheral to the task at hand.

 

[somedayillbefree]

Music is always a great way to meet people, especially shows by smaller local acts. Those have the benefit of being cheaper too. Look up which dive bars/coffee shops/VFW halls in your town support new bands/artists and DJs.

 

[escapeplan12]

I've worked in IT for a long time, very isolating. But so is the whole world nowadays, technology pushed us apart. Smartphones and social media crippled society

 

[Forever Sleep]

Do you have walking clubs in your area? In the UK, there is 'The Ramblers.' Maybe evening courses? To try and meet people with similar interests so you have stuff in common to talk about.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Maybe we should start a dating site on SaSu ?
Now that would be interesting.
I don't have any ideas because I'm in the same situation as yourself.
Although I hope that you find someone soon. Loneliness is soul-crushing.

 

[Fe(IV)]

I have no idea, and kind of gave up. I simply don't have the instructions on approaching other humans in my brain, wasn't born with them.

Anyone I ever talked to with came up to me first. I never gained any friends/acquaintances by my own efforts.

 

[enough of this]

Maybe we should start a dating site on SaSu ?
Now that would be interesting.
I don't have any ideas because I'm in the same situation as yourself.
Although I hope that you find someone soon. Loneliness is soul-crushing.

Loneliness IS soul-crushing, and BODY crushing. It's harder on one's health than obesity or smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day.

 

[fiftyfiftyclown]

Yea humans were not wired to be alone, though people will give you bullshit about how you need to "love yourself" first etc. that's not how it works. We are social creatures. Even animals get depressed if they're not paired up. Medication and therapy have never even come close to the relief that a romantic/intimate relationship give me (until it broke down, of course, then I was worse off).

Making close friends as an adult is near-impossible, and it's not just depressed people who would agree w/ that statement. I think once you're out of college it's kind of over. Hobby groups and shared interests have only given me new acquaintances, but it seems like they already have their "core" friend groups from years ago.

I have made connections through the internet...i would not meet anyone from a site like this (no offense) but some of the discord friends I made during peak covid isolation have become irl acquaintances, which I'm grateful for. It was a large-ish server and I happened to find someone who lived in my city. But again not really best friends. Like my one online-turned-irl-friend primarily hangs out with their college and law school pals.

I'm sure I'm part of the problem too. I've never had very deep friendships, even as a child. But honestly lack of intimate companionship troubles me more than lack of friendships, which I think is also natural when you're an adult. Shooting the shit with friends only brings so much fulfillment

 

[enough of this]

Yea humans were not wired to be alone, though people will give you bullshit about how you need to "love yourself" first etc. that's not how it works. We are social creatures. Even animals get depressed if they're not paired up. Medication and therapy have never even come close to the relief that a romantic/intimate relationship give me (until it broke down, of course, then I was worse off).

Making close friends as an adult is near-impossible, and it's not just depressed people who would agree w/ that statement. I think once you're out of college it's kind of over. Hobby groups and shared interests have only given me new acquaintances, but it seems like they already have their "core" friend groups from years ago.

I have made connections through the internet...i would not meet anyone from a site like this (no offense) but some of the discord friends I made during peak covid isolation have become irl acquaintances, which I'm grateful for. It was a large-ish server and I happened to find someone who lived in my city. But again not really best friends. Like my one online-turned-irl-friend primarily hangs out with their college and law school pals.

I'm sure I'm part of the problem too. I've never had very deep friendships, even as a child. But honestly lack of intimate companionship troubles me more than lack of friendships, which I think is also natural when you're an adult. Shooting the shit with friends only brings so much fulfillment

Yes, as social creatures, we ARE hard-wired for real-life companionship. It's essential. I find it very hard to make friends, too.
Once I trusted a friendship - and there are several things to look for - it wouldn't matter to me what social site they were on, or where I met them. I would be willing to meet with them in real life. There's going to have to be some substance to our relating, because, as you say, shooting the shit with friends only brings so much fulfillment.

 

[fiftyfiftyclown]

Yes, as social creatures, we ARE hard-wired for real-life companionship. It's essential. I find it very hard to make friends, too.
Once I trusted a friendship - and there are several things to look for - it wouldn't matter to me what social site they were on, or where I met them. I would be willing to meet with them in real life. There's going to have to be some substance to our relating, because, as you say, shooting the shit with friends only brings so much fulfillment.

Haha yeah to clarify it's not that I wouldn't trust or even get along with someone from this particular site, I just think one of the reasons that brought me here were to talk under the guise of some anonymity... so it's a different thing from other internet groups I'm a part of.

I don't have a problem making acquaintances, as I'm generally a pleasant person to be around, can make small talk w/ strangers but seeing other people's "best friend" relationships has always been foreign to me. I'm partly to blame though, because I don't put in a lot of effort to maintain friendships. Like many other things it ends up feeling like "what is the point of this"

 

[F@#$]

Loneliness IS soul-crushing, and BODY crushing. It's harder on one's health than obesity or smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day.

Fuck,I'm lonely, fat I drink and smoke.