Ammonite5
Member
- Jul 20, 2025
- 18
As a child I think this place would have scared me, maybe it still should and I'm just numb. So much pain and sorrow and information. I found it by chance and when I did I stayed up all night reading 100s of posts, just soaking it all in. There are so many new words and acronyms and things I never could have thought off. At first I thought it said a lot about the state of the world that a site like this both existed and has so much activity, but the more I think about it, the more I realize there's nothing intrinsically wrong with wanting to die. In wanting to choice your own ending. A place like this was always going to, and will always exist, and I'm glad for that. Unlike me, who has found that there is just no point in existing anymore, or maybe there never way and I just hadn't realized it until now. Sometimes I wish there was some big childhood trauma I had that made me like this. The kind of thing that makes people say "Oh poor thing she never stood a chance" Like my decision to die would somehow be more justified or legitimate if I had deep trauma or was horribly abused as a child. Not that my childhood was perfect, but nothing as bad as warrants who I turned out to be, nothing that should make me want to die as deeply as I do. I was not abused, just left to my own? Classic child of divorce I guess. My mother and Father got together to young, split when I was too young, and then built there own family's in such a way I never belonged to either one of them. They do love me, just not the same way they love there "Real" kids, I just inconvenienced them really. It may not have been perfect, but still, I cant blame them for what happens next. 30 days. 30 days left to make and execute a plan. On that front I've been reading a lot of post and the mega-threads and there is just so much to learn. I think N would be the best way to go but that seems to be the opinion of a lot of people and it seems so hard to find. Still I need to do to do more research on it now that I've unlocked the search feature. I'm not hopeful, but that's nothing new.
