David Foster Wallace on Suicide. Intellectual read from Infinite Jest

[dust-in-the-wind]

One of the most powerful descriptions of suicide I've ever read. David Foster Wallace - Infinite Jest
"The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."

 

[Nightfoot]

Not a speculative description, either. Wallace was writing from experience as he battled depression for decades and had already made his first attempt by the time he wrote this. Sadly, he wasn't able to stay ahead of the flames and, ultimately, hanged himself.

 

[itsgone2]

So the flames aren't hot enough for us yet. Great.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

So the flames aren't hot enough for us yet. Great.

They were for me last weekend but I failed.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do love this quote. I think it's interesting though. Because I think some people will jump before the fire is in the room. It may have just gotten started at the bottom of the building.

The pro-lifers out there will argue- there was still a possibility/ good probability they could have escaped. Some of us simply want out because we know the fire exists. We might escape this burning building this week but, next week, the fire may be right on top of us when we finally make the decision to jump. I find that interesting. A pre-emtive terror of fear and pain. I wonder how many are able to commit without the fire being at their heels. Personally- I want to. I don't want things to be absolutely dire by the time I go.

While that may not seem reasonable to the pro-lifers out there- who may believe we should hold on till the suffering is actually unbearable- exactly why? Because suffering is good? Character building? Because it leads to recovery? But, it doesn't always. Some people are simply sick of putting out fires every damn day!

 

[m3nhera]

One of the most powerful descriptions of suicide I've ever read. David Foster Wallace - Infinite Jest
"The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."

I just saw another post about this, this description of suicide is the one that resonates with me the most. It puts my feelings into words. It makes me feel understood for once, although it's sad how many people feel the same way.

 

[venerated-vader]

The pro-lifers out there will argue- there was still a possibility/ good probability they could have escaped. Some of us simply want out because we know the fire exists. We might escape this burning building this week but, next week, the fire may be right on top of us when we finally make the decision to jump. I find that interesting. A pre-emtive terror of fear and pain. I wonder how many are able to commit without the fire being at their heels. Personally- I want to. I don't want things to be absolutely dire by the time I go.

I resonate with this quite a bit. Though I believe it has less to do with the proximity of the flames (or the knowledge that its there) and more with how many times you've been burned in the past. A person who knows what its like to get 3rd degree burns would be more likely to jump out the window-- yes, they escaped the first time. The second time. The fifteenth time. And every time they did so, they earned a new terrible scar that still hurts weeks, months, years, decades after receiving it. The more times it happens the more you dread the pain. At some point a person must think "I can't go through this again."

For me, there is no escape. I'm not getting out of the building, I'm just moving to a higher floor.

Anyway I really have to read this book lol