Discussion Dating. Ugh.

[RM5998]

Oh, never heard the term ace before. Interesting.

That's one of the mildest reactions I've gotten to me revealing my asexuality to someone unaware of the concept. The average tends to be something like "explain to me exactly how your genitals function because it seems to me that they aren't functioning right" or thereabouts. And that conversation teeters on the line between hilarious and uncomfortable for me, depending on the audience.

 

[I_love_to_bake]

That's one of the mildest reactions I've gotten to me revealing my asexuality to someone unaware of the concept. The average tends to be something like "explain to me exactly how your genitals function because it seems to me that they aren't functioning right" or thereabouts. And that conversation teeters on the line between hilarious and uncomfortable for me, depending on the audience.

Fellow ace! You're not alone

You're brave for revealing that about yourself. I keep that kind of thing to myself, along with my mental condition.

I agree with most of what people have said in this thread about "just being yourself". Authenticity is backed by clinical research as being a key factor for long term happiness and fulfillment. I think when we're ashamed of who we are, or if we're afraid we aren't good enough, we try and put on the mask. But the mask is so exhausting to wear all the time. It's really scary sometimes to reveal our true self... Because it takes the courage to reveal something so intimate about yourself.

Remember though, how can we be authentic to others if we are not authentic with ourselves?

 

[ManWithNoName]

Being depressed and wanting love is hard. I still fantasize about the happily ever after.

Trouble is that there is no happily ever after. This is not to say that you won't have great memories with someone, but the Disney propaganda machine has done a great job of selling us a fantasy. There will be some ugly times too. But it's all about remembering the good moments you have with someone.

 

[Oyoy]

Trouble is that there is no happily ever after. This is not to say that you won't have great memories with someone, but the Disney propaganda machine has done a great job of selling us a fantasy. There will be some ugly times too. But it's all about remembering the good moments you have with someone.

I am under the impression that porn does to men what romance flicks do to women.

 

[LuzurPhagget]

That's one of the mildest reactions I've gotten to me revealing my asexuality to someone unaware of the concept. The average tends to be something like "explain to me exactly how your genitals function because it seems to me that they aren't functioning right" or thereabouts. And that conversation teeters on the line between hilarious and uncomfortable for me, depending on the audience.

Lol, those would have been my follow-up questions! Ha, joking. But really, that is quite...fascinating. There have been numerous times in my life where I wished I was asexual. I mean, what's the point of wanting something you can't have? So I used to PRETEND I was asexual/uninterested so I could spare myself the embarrassment/shame, but deep down, I was lying to myself; I still desired. But if you are honest and true to yourself about not having desires like that, it's not an entirely bad thing. Hell, there are several advantages to that! Jesus, I'm still hung up on a girl (I'm starting to realize I barely knew well enough) from 3 years ago! I "caught" those damn feelings! I'm a little uncomfortable/ashamed to admit how much of the day I spend thinking about her. If I didn't desire her, who knows where else I could have invested that energy thinking about her.

So it's kind of a give and take. There are several advantages to your situation and don't let others tell you otherwise.

Fellow ace! You're not alone ☺

You're brave for revealing that about yourself. I keep that kind of thing to myself, along with my mental condition.

I agree with most of what people have said in this thread about "just being yourself". Authenticity is backed by clinical research as being a key factor for long term happiness and fulfillment. I think when we're ashamed of who we are, or if we're afraid we aren't good enough, we try and put on the mask. But the mask is so exhausting to wear all the time. It's really scary sometimes to reveal our true self... Because it takes the courage to reveal something so intimate about yourself.

Remember though, how can we be authentic to others if we are not authentic with ourselves?

Gotta keep it real!

But I'm starting to realize...I don't really like being me! lol Or at least, I wish I could be like everyone else. There doesn't seem to be any advantage in being who I am. I feel like it's so much harder to find my happiness or contentment/joy in this life than others. I'm ENVIOUS of others. I dunno. I'll just try to hold out hope that there's SOMETHING in this life for me I guess.

 

[RM5998]

@LuzurPhagget Asexual doesn't necessarily mean aromantic. In my case, I was until recently hung up over a girl I knew back in school. I blurted out a confession I'd repressed for years, accepted how ridiculous it was, then moved on. I'm still ashamed of what I said, and conversations with her would be awkward, but it's not like it was different because I identify as asexual. (I'd like to think that being ace didn't make it less relatable.) I still want to be emotionally close to people. I'd like to think there's more to liking people than wanting to bang them. It's not about advantages, it's just... how I am. Somewhat different, but still relatable.

 

[LuzurPhagget]

I am under the impression that porn does to men what romance flicks do to women.

Holy shit! That's hilarious! Never thought of it before! Honestly, I'm gonna take a risk and just go out and say that BOTH are equally deplorable/lame. They're both kind of like, extreme opposite ends of the spectrum; emotionless, cold fucking and overly emotional, borderline-histrionic, sentimental rubbish (Twilight, 50 shades of shit etc). Can you imagine if there was a perfect balance between the two?

@LuzurPhagget Asexual doesn't necessarily mean aromantic. In my case, I was until recently hung up over a girl I knew back in school. I blurted out a confession I'd repressed for years, accepted how ridiculous it was, then moved on. I'm still ashamed of what I said, and conversations with her would be awkward, but it's not like it was different because I identify as asexual. (I'd like to think that being ace didn't make it less relatable.) I still want to be emotionally close to people. I'd like to think there's more to liking people than wanting to bang them. It's not about advantages, it's just... how I am. Somewhat different, but still relatable.

Wow...fascinating. I was just reading more on it and...more confused than ever! lol. Might ask you some more questions later. But yeah, I guess if you're being honest with yourself about what you want (and don't want), you can't go wrong.

In a way, I kinda get it I guess. There are numerous girls I see I'm attracted to, but wouldn't say sexually attracted (cute, endearing, graceful etc). So I guess that's how it is for you, but just never reaches the "sexual" stage?

And sorry, didn't mean to put it as "advantages." There are advantages and disadvantages to everything in life I guess; we're all more or less fucked etc.

 

[ManWithNoName]

I am under the impression that porn does to men what romance flicks do to women.

Exactly.

 

[Alec]

Oh save me Jebus!


Oh, never heard the term ace before. Interesting.

SAVE ME JEBUS!!!
Every time I say this in my head I see that scene with Homer flying away on a plane and screaming it because the plane was taking him to some un intact es tribe or something so that homer could spread the word of Jebus there I love you!;)