Date passed and I'm still here

[Moon Flower]

I've come to this page and tried to write this post about three times but I don't even know what I feel anymore. I was at peace when I knew there was an end in sight but now all the pain is just amplified. I still want this so badly but my s/o needs me, I don't know that I could bear to hurt him in this way. I no longer have the strength to ctb but I also lack the will to carry on and better myself. Being in limbo sucks

 

[SinisterKid]

Somehow, after my release from the ward, my partner and I spoke at length about my ideation and will to die. We managed to find a compromise. She gives me the freedom to sit on my arse all day when I feel the need to and I gave her my word that I would try my best every day to stay alive. Slowly, after a real nosedive a few months ago, I am finding the will to live again. But you both have to do a lot of soul searching and be brutally honest with each other, which I know for many, is not easy.

 

[Lotus1818]

im sorry to hear all this. ive been following your journey and im glad that you have an s.o. that cares for you. Talking about it helps a lot for me. but in the end the bad feelings always creep up again.

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

I do this so much. I want to type something then i get too emotional, overthink and delete it. I wish i was better at just speaking my mind.

Choosing to live for somebody else wellbeing is difficult. As long as your will to care for them is stronger than your pain they can give you strength for a long time. I hope that strength leads to a lasting happiness.