Date is approaching this week

[MicahBell]

I don't know who this is for. Just had to tell somebody I guess.

My CTB date is this Sunday. I've emotionally prepared to die many times and not been able to, and now that I realise there is no alternative I am finally afraid.

These past couple of weeks have just felt really short I guess. Like I haven't enjoyed my last days at all. But this is kind of what life is. Its boring and bleak and miserable and if I survived, nothing about that would change. I mean, its new years eve and we've barely gotten any snow this year. The world is only getting worse and I feel like theres nothing for me anymore, not a single day left to look forward to.

Its kind of funny how in the worst moments of your life, where you're about to end it, your mind somehow sees the small good things in your life that are negligible any other time; like the comfort of your pillow or the purring of your cat.

 

[theangelswept]

I wish you the best of luck with ctb. I hope it comes as naturally as sleeping in a warm comfy bed after a particularly hard day. If it doesn't feel right though remember there is always another day to ctb. Hope you find your peace

 

[wordsoutb4sumnelsin]

And I've just been feeling like an asshole by being annoyed by hearing loud dog noises like breathing even. I'd give thanks for appreciating stuff.
I'm just trying to keep food, water, bathroom going and keep hoping a next owner can have more to give.

But hey, noting global warming as a reason is something I can relate to!


Peace and the best to ya regardless!

 

[FadingSnowFake]

There is something about a pillow... Do you have special plans or something to keep you busy until Sunday?

 

[MicahBell]

There is something about a pillow... Do you have special plans or something to keep you busy until Sunday?

Not really. I don't really have hobbies or anything. Its gonna come really quickly. Just trying to focus on hedonism instead of the stress of what will happen if I fail