witchcraft
it's too painful to live but I'm too afraid to die
- Nov 27, 2024
- 84
Even when not directed at someone who is listening to me or happens to be reading something I commented, it's like anger disqualifies me from empathy or just basic understanding.
I appreciate everyone's experience with depression is different.
Sometimes, for me, my depression is born of immense frustration or outright anger. And it's not specific to any one or thing; it could be the state of the world, empty platitudes, yet another thing not working out in my life, my hardest efforts failing to bear fruit yet again, or the overall present circumstances of my life. Often an accumulative combination thereof.
I have heard it said that depression can be anger directed inwards, taken out on the self. In that same vein, it has been suggested that one direct their anger in a positive manner. I've tried that and it doesn't work... not to mention the fact that the directions are always unclear. It's tantamount to telling someone to actively, consciously try to control the bodily process of a cut healing. Inherently preposterous. Such advice is comparable to "just get a girlfriend bro" type shit—where, how, The Girlfriend Store? Like that would fix my problem, I've had three girlfriends since I was 18 and that's honestly really bad advice in my opinion. They say to just feel or sit with your anger but then what? Nothing happens, nothing changes. Wow thanks I'm not cured.
I've dealt with anger for as long as I can remember. When I was in elementary, I remember getting so angry that I would cry, either at a situation between me and another classmate or friend, not getting to go out for recess because it's sprinkling, or taking time to study for a test and still getting a poor result. Now that I'm older, that same anger is just related to more sophisticated things.
While I can't use a word like "always" to describe this here, I can at least say my depression is often preceded by anger or something similar.
This almost seems like the worst kind of depression to have because you preclude yourself from sympathy by expressing the most vilified human emotion. And again, to clarify, I'm not referring to times when I clearly and explicitly directed my anger at the other person. Just in general. You're not allowed to be angry about anything in the slightest. It somehow magically invalidates your experience and however else you're feeling. I regularly make an effort to not lash out at people even if they are tied to why I'm angry in the first place, even going as far as to clearly verbalize as calmly as I can: I'm not angry at you or with you, I'm just angry. It just doesn't fucking matter how I express it. Talking about this shit doesn't accomplish anything anyway, I don't know why I'm writing this other than perhaps to distract myself from CTB thoughts by concentrating on making a coherent forum post.
Some say to direct your anger into weight lifting or exercise but that just makes me a more muscular depressed person. It doesn't address the things that I'm fucking fed up with and pissed off about, some of which might as well be metaphysically baked into existence itself, existential in nature (at the expense of sounding like a fucking pompous douche).
Pretty much just want to know I'm not the only one. I'm not looking for answers, I gave up on that quest a long time ago.
I appreciate everyone's experience with depression is different.
Sometimes, for me, my depression is born of immense frustration or outright anger. And it's not specific to any one or thing; it could be the state of the world, empty platitudes, yet another thing not working out in my life, my hardest efforts failing to bear fruit yet again, or the overall present circumstances of my life. Often an accumulative combination thereof.
I have heard it said that depression can be anger directed inwards, taken out on the self. In that same vein, it has been suggested that one direct their anger in a positive manner. I've tried that and it doesn't work... not to mention the fact that the directions are always unclear. It's tantamount to telling someone to actively, consciously try to control the bodily process of a cut healing. Inherently preposterous. Such advice is comparable to "just get a girlfriend bro" type shit—where, how, The Girlfriend Store? Like that would fix my problem, I've had three girlfriends since I was 18 and that's honestly really bad advice in my opinion. They say to just feel or sit with your anger but then what? Nothing happens, nothing changes. Wow thanks I'm not cured.
I've dealt with anger for as long as I can remember. When I was in elementary, I remember getting so angry that I would cry, either at a situation between me and another classmate or friend, not getting to go out for recess because it's sprinkling, or taking time to study for a test and still getting a poor result. Now that I'm older, that same anger is just related to more sophisticated things.
While I can't use a word like "always" to describe this here, I can at least say my depression is often preceded by anger or something similar.
This almost seems like the worst kind of depression to have because you preclude yourself from sympathy by expressing the most vilified human emotion. And again, to clarify, I'm not referring to times when I clearly and explicitly directed my anger at the other person. Just in general. You're not allowed to be angry about anything in the slightest. It somehow magically invalidates your experience and however else you're feeling. I regularly make an effort to not lash out at people even if they are tied to why I'm angry in the first place, even going as far as to clearly verbalize as calmly as I can: I'm not angry at you or with you, I'm just angry. It just doesn't fucking matter how I express it. Talking about this shit doesn't accomplish anything anyway, I don't know why I'm writing this other than perhaps to distract myself from CTB thoughts by concentrating on making a coherent forum post.
Some say to direct your anger into weight lifting or exercise but that just makes me a more muscular depressed person. It doesn't address the things that I'm fucking fed up with and pissed off about, some of which might as well be metaphysically baked into existence itself, existential in nature (at the expense of sounding like a fucking pompous douche).
Pretty much just want to know I'm not the only one. I'm not looking for answers, I gave up on that quest a long time ago.
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