CTB tomorrow. Just some feelings and insights on how I feel.

[amalgeng]

This will probably be my first and only post on this website, but I have wandered a lot on this website before and it's helpful in calming my nerves leading up to my decision. I desperately want things to be okay, and I desperately want to believe things could get better or is going to be alright, but ultimately my feelings tell me that I'm at the point of no return and that I will CTB tomorrow.

I have sorted through most of my feelings and clarified a lot of my thoughts over the past weeks and months leading up to this, and now I'm just in a state of calm. Is this how people normally feel when it feels like their death is imminent? It feels slightly surreal that I'm going to die tomorrow.

 

[amalgeng]

...you don't wanna live a little?

It's a vague question of whether I want to live. Of course I want to live, I want to live so badly. If there was a button that could change my mental state to want to live I would press it. But right now, outside of what I want, what I genuinely feel is that I can't go on and things aren't going to get better no matter how much I rationalise that things are okay.

 

[Creeperella]

I feel that too at times, it honestly doesn't even feel like I'm living but maybe just maybe a few more chances and see where things are headed?

 

[DeadManLiving]

I'm in the same boat and all I can describe is a sense of impending doom cross wired with this sense of relief. It's a bittersweet feeling of liberation and extreme sadness. What a life it could have been.

 

[L'absent]

I'm sorry for the suffering life has made you feel. I wish you a safe and peaceful journey. Can I ask you what method you chose?

 

[amalgeng]

I'm sorry for the suffering life has made you feel. I wish you a safe and peaceful journey. Can I ask you what method you chose?

By jumping, it's the most accessible, most sure method for me. I was thinking about other methods but I can't trust myself to perform it correctly so that it would be painless or quick.

 

[L'absent]

By jumping, it's the most accessible, most sure method for me. I was thinking about other methods but I can't trust myself to perform it correctly so that it would be painless or quick.

I understand. From what height do you plan to do it?

 

[amalgeng]

I feel that too at times, it honestly doesn't even feel like I'm living but maybe just maybe a few more chances and see where things are headed?

It's an insurmountable wall that I'm facing or feel that I'm facing. I can only give myself a limited number of chances, but I have no way of changing my situation and I have no choice but to live through it. I can't shake the feeling that my death is imminent.

 

[Creeperella]

It's a vague question of whether I want to live. Of course I want to live, I want to live so badly. If there was a button that could change my mental state to want to live I would press it. But right now, outside of what I want, what I genuinely feel is that I can't go on and things aren't going to get better no matter how much I rationalise that things are okay.

I can't provide much advice since i have no idea what I'm doing with myself but

It's an insurmountable wall that I'm facing or feel that I'm facing. I can only give myself a limited number of chances, but I have no way of changing my situation and I have no choice but to live through it. I can't shake the feeling that my death is imminent.

Death may seem like an easy way out but it's not really. I feel like maybe some support might help you get through it and letting your feelings and frustation out helps(sorry English isn't my first language)

 

[amalgeng]

I understand. From what height do you plan to do it?

The height is 100% fatal and far far above the height already of a guaranteed death. The only way in which I don't die is if I hit other things on the way down, which won't happen.

 

[L'absent]

The height is 100% fatal and far far above the height already of a guaranteed death. The only way in which I don't die is if I hit other things on the way down, which won't happen.

How tall is he?

 

[Creeperella]

I can't provide much advice since i have no idea what I'm doing with myself but

Death may seem like an easy way out but it's not really. I feel like maybe some support might help you get through it and letting your feelings and frustation out helps(sorry English isn't my first language)

Also not trying to force you ...just wanted to maybe help a lil

 

[ssspadbye]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm planning for tomorrow as well. It's been a build-up, and I just feel a surreal calm now - never quite felt like this before.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/suicidal-regularly-more-and-more-ready.183393/

 

[amalgeng]

Also not trying to force you ...just wanted to maybe help a lil

Again, I just am beyond help / feel that I'm beyond help. I'm spending the rest of my time relaxing, eating, drinking and sleeping even if I choose to delay. I've already tried getting professional support and venting about how I feel, but I still feel hopeless nonetheless even through everything.

 

[Creeperella]

Again, I just am beyond help / feel that I'm beyond help. I'm spending the rest of my time relaxing, eating, drinking and sleeping even if I choose to delay. I've already tried getting professional support and venting about how I feel, but I still feel hopeless nonetheless even through everything.

I feel the same here..once again..just wanted to let you know you're not alone....if you...for some reason don't commit tomorrow...let me know :). May you find peace .

I feel the same here..once again..just wanted to let you know you're not alone....if you...for some reason don't commit tomorrow...let me know :). May you find peace .

....for some reason I feel like I don't want this to be our last conversation,maybe it's cause I'm lonely all the time and i wish to find someone who relates to me which in itself is selfish but I can't help it

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best, I hope that you find what you search for.