Story ctb to be with my fictional lover

[dance0nglass84]

I know it sounds dumb and cringe but it's really the only thing that I'm looking forward to at this point.
I've accepted that I'm never going to date or marry in this life, never have kids, have pets, have a stable life of any kind really. I'm probably going to die within 5 years or less with how volatile my mental health is. And while I'm still in college, I have no real goals after graduating as I have lost hope for this world entirely, and do not wish to be a part of it much longer.
If I'm not busy, I spend my days mostly listening to music and pacing around in circles, daydreaming about being with my fictional other. I spend a good portion of time drawing him, writing stories about him, and sleeping, hoping that I dream about him.
It's not all I do of course, but it's one of the only things that bring me joy at this point.
Not even being with friends and family bring as much joy than daydreaming my life away. I've always been a lonely child, and did the same thing (pacing around in circles and staring at walls for hours on end). But I still had hope that one day, I would meet someone irl that would love me with their entire being, as I do them.
I've lost that hope now, but in turn, I have a new hope that after I die, I will finally be with that someone who will love me eternally, for now and forever.

 

[froggirl9000]

Honestly, I feel you. I've been there, sometimes wind up ending up back there.
I used to have a girl who was a recurring character in my dreams, that I became convinced was both controlling my life like some sorta god, and that I would be with her when I died.
And I had a waifu for a while, who I also became convinced I would be united with upon death.

 

[Sparkly rainbow]

Hopefully I will be reincarnated in some anime lol

 

[dance0nglass84]

Honestly, I feel you. I've been there, sometimes wind up ending up back there.
I used to have a girl who was a recurring character in my dreams, that I became convinced was both controlling my life like some sorta god, and that I would be with her when I died.
And I had a waifu for a while, who I also became convinced I would be united with upon death.

That's very interesting. Sometimes I think that my yearning is because I desire a concrete God figure in my life to "reunite" with. I'm not exactly religious anymore, but I grew up Catholic so that may be why.

Hopefully I will be reincarnated in some anime lol

I don't watch anime but the isekai genre seems relatable. I hope you get into the anime you want to be in :)