Help Ctb through illness

[Nobbo]

Sunday I attempted to ctb for the second time and failed again. Now all I feel is a lot of guilt, and I'd just rather get an incurable disease where I die in hospital. Because I only feel guilty if I ctb and if I die of a disease I won't feel guilty. Anyone please have any ideas, I've already asked for euthanasia here in the Netherlands but they won't allow me. So please help me guys! Please!

 

[AcornUnderground]

Incurable disease rarely kill you, they torture you for life and bring you right back to wanting to ctb. You can't give yourself cancer. No options there.

 

[lymestolemylife]

Incurable disease rarely kill you, they torture you for life and bring you right back to wanting to ctb. You can't give yourself cancer. No options there.

Yep you would be simply amazed how bad your body can feel for so long without dying. You can even feel like you're dying and not die. The human body can take so much abuse it's amazing. The fact there is no off switch and diseases that can ruin your life is cruel.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Such questions have been asked many times on the forum. It's an understandable desire, but the short answer is no.

@HelensNepenthe and @nitrogen are the only ones I've seen give ideas about how to possibly get cancer.

But I think it's a romantic idea to want to get an incurable disease. You will suffer greatly and want to ctb to end the misery.

I think it's better to work through the guilt. Guilt is a message accompanied by negative feelings. Guilt usually says you are wrong for doing something for yourself, and it's usually invalid. It's kind of like being gaslighted by your own mind. Guilt messages usually come from childhood messages by social groups such as family and society. Guilt usually says someone else's needs, wants and suffering carry more weight than your own.

Shame, on the other hand, negates you as a person. It says things like, "You're not good enough," "How dare you?" and "Who do you think you are?"

Would you like to talk about the guilt here and try to work it out?

 

[Nobbo]

Yep you would be simply amazed how bad your body can feel for so long without dying. You can even feel like you're dying and not die. The human body can take so much abuse it's amazing. The fact there is no off switch and diseases that can ruin your life is cruel.

Yeah right cause it feels like I am slowly dying, and it's crazy how I'm my body isn't even after 2 attempts. Crazy how the body just wont let you die:(

Such questions have been asked many times on the forum. It's an understandable desire, but the short answer is no.

@HelensNepenthe and @nitrogen are the only ones I've seen give ideas about how to possibly get cancer.

But I think it's a romantic idea to want to get an incurable disease. You will suffer greatly and want to ctb to end the misery.

I think it's better to work through the guilt. Guilt is a message accompanied by negative feelings. Guilt usually says you are wrong for doing something for yourself, and it's usually invalid. It's kind of like being gaslighted by your own mind. Guilt messages usually come from childhood messages by social groups such as family and society. Guilt usually says someone else's needs, wants and suffering carry more weight than your own.

Shame, on the other hand, negates you as a person. It says things like, "You're not good enough," "How dare you?" and "Who do you think you are?"

Would you like to talk about the guilt here and try to work it out?

I just want to die but I hate that it effects so many people, I just wish I was alone so I wouldn't feel any guilt or anything.

 

[Whale_bones]

Sunday I attempted to ctb for the second time and failed again. Now all I feel is a lot of guilt, and I'd just rather get an incurable disease where I die in hospital. Because I only feel guilty if I ctb and if I die of a disease I won't feel guilty. Anyone please have any ideas, I've already asked for euthanasia here in the Netherlands but they won't allow me. So please help me guys! Please!

I had severe depression and suicidal urges for years, and THEN discovered an incurable kidney condition on top of it. The world isn't any less shitty when you have a disease. If someone is making you feel guilty for wanting to CTB, they're in the wrong, and it's unlikely they'd suddenly be loving towards you just because you had a disease. And those of us that die from disease *absolutely* feel guilty for leaving people behind. You don't want a disease, it's not a ticket to compassion, it's literally asking to suffer more.

 

[Red]

You could always just go round licking everything in public that you can? Handrails, cash machines, toilet seats (there was a challenge for that wasn't there..?)... you'll prolly get a few infections/viruses and/or maybe even Covid, but no guarantees on death, you'd more likely just end up suffering worse and regretting it. Plus you'd look kinda daft lol

 

[shipwreck]

Rabies is effectively 100% fatal. It's a horrible disease though, and you'd have to convince a lot of bats to bite you.

 

[Red]

Or Cujo