Help CTB this week

[needtogo]

I'm planning on CTB this week. I cannot take what psychiatry has turned me into. My plan is shotgun 12 gauge after benzos/alcohol in a remote location. I'm debating doing it on a high rise then jumping off as well. It needs to happen and I have to start to prepare myself for what I am about to do. Any tips on how to focus my mind?
I KNOW that it can only get worse and I don't want my mind to be filled with worse thoughts. I'm running out of time of being somewhat independent. But it needs to happen. I will feel guilt about leaving my parents but it's too much. Should I leave a personal note for them as well? I'm planning on leaving a longer note online on a blog and linking from social media.

 

[one4all]

My plan is shotgun 12 gauge after benzos/alcohol in a remote location. I'm debating doing it on a high rise then jumping off as well

So you will drug yourself, shot yourself in the head and jump off a high rise??

 

[Deleted member 14386]

Seems a bit overkill, I'm not an expert but I'm pretty sure if you know where to shoot a 12 gauge will do by itself, jumping from a high rise can also kill by itself, depends how you wanna ctb but I'd stick to knowing 1 or 2 methods really well, but that's just me.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

We've had several convos on your threads since you were in that inpatient program. Glad you go out of there at last. But it seems almost as if now you have the freedom to ctb, you're losing your shit a bit, and I'm concerned. I know that part of the problem is that you have a limited time before you have to go to another inpatient program, but I think maybe the biggest issue is that you don't really have control. You don't have a say about where you go next or when, you didn't have a say about what happened to your body, and you don't seem to be thinking clearly now because of all this external pressure and influence.

I would say take some time and clear your head, breathe, think about what you've posted for a set amount of time, then go do something else for a set amount of time, then another something else for a set amount of time, etc.

Your method seems overcomplicated, and if you go on a building with a shotgun, I doubt you'll make it to the end of your plan. You can send your parents delayed emails.

Hope this helps.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Any tips on how to focus my mind?

Personally I will be watching and thinking about this quote in this video to try and convince myself that when I die I will wake up as a child again and all of this was just a bad dream.

So to translate it in my mind it means this

"You are waiting for a train"
You are waiting to die by train, gunshot, hanging etc.

"A train that will take you far away"
It will take me back to my amazing childhood

"You hope where this train will take you"
My childhood

"But you can´t know for sure, but it doesn´t matter, now tell me why"
Because even if I don´t wake up as a child again from this nightmare I will just seize to exist and free myself from this pain

 

[Broken Chimera]

Sorry to see another victim of psychiatry. I hate that anyone feels they have to ctb because of that. If you're sure about that then I hope you find peace. But there's no way you're getting to the top of a high rise with a shotgun. Maybe you should stick with a plan that people can't interfere with.

 

[one4all]

Sorry to see another victim of psychiatry. I hate that anyone feels they have to ctb because of that. If you're sure about that then I hope you find peace. But there's no way you're getting to the top of a high rise with a shotgun. Maybe you should stick with a plan that people can't interfere with.

Where did psychiatry become involved with the Ops post?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Where did psychiatry become involved with the Ops post?

The second sentence of the OP.

Edit: S/he has also discussed it in other of their threads btw. :)

 

[needtogo]

The plan was either take drugs, shoot in head intraorally slightly up to hit medulla, or take drugs, shoot in abdomen/chest, then jump.

 

[Broken Chimera]

The second sentence of the OP.

Edit: S/he has also discussed it in other of their threads btw. :)

Beat me to it. The damage psychiatry caused to people should be a crime.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

The plan was either take drugs, shoot in head intraorally slightly up to hit medulla, or take drugs, shoot in abdomen/chest, then jump.

Abdomen/chest shots are often non-fatal. And jumping may be non-fatal. But you'll likely get stopped if you have a shotgun out in public or on the way up to the roof.

 

[one4all]

The second sentence of the OP.

*hangs head in shame* I need to stop reading to many threads and STFU.

thank you for pointing out what the OP said

 

[needtogo]

*hangs head in shame* I need to stop reading to many threads and STFU.

thank you for pointing out what the OP said

All good all good it wasn't the focal point of the post I know

 

[one4all]

All good all good it wasn't the focal point of the post I know

The threads can get derailed at times. But i still have paid more attention to the facts

 

[On Edge]

I'm planning on CTB this week. I cannot take what psychiatry has turned me into. My plan is shotgun 12 gauge after benzos/alcohol in a remote location. I'm debating doing it on a high rise then jumping off as well. It needs to happen and I have to start to prepare myself for what I am about to do. Any tips on how to focus my mind?
I KNOW that it can only get worse and I don't want my mind to be filled with worse thoughts. I'm running out of time of being somewhat independent. But it needs to happen. I will feel guilt about leaving my parents but it's too much. Should I leave a personal note for them as well? I'm planning on leaving a longer note online on a blog and linking from social media.

Yes do a note for friends and family and make it well written.