Discussion CTB Planned & Anxious

[GoodPersonEffed]

Unfortunately, with the Coronavirus, I will have to CTB tonight.

Why has coronavirus had an impact?

 

[InTheAirTonight]

Great picture. You seem like a very kind person with a nice smile. Hope you enjoy the rest of your day in peace.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Know that we are all here with you during this time. I hope you find peace. Hugs

 

[Lostandfound7]

**** {Thursday - Update II} ****

Took a nice bath and shower. Feel clean and calmer. Packed my things in the suitcase and wrote a letter for my family. I have the portrait of my grandfather, a picture of my grandmother in her wedding dress and a family shot of my brother, father and mom on the table beside my bed.

Paid my rent and cancelled my utilities online.

I see the SN across the room with the other medications. Probably won't prepare them until after I watch a movie. Though I am hungry. May be see online just double checking the SN page. I think the CTB will be after midnight.

Actually, it's kind of corny, but, I really like 'Lost in Translation.' It's such an eerie film with a touch of detachment. I like how it speaks to who we are as people. If you haven't seen it, two strangers meet in a hotel in a foreign country and they have a brief moment of clarity and intimacy that makes them comprehend and feel reassured about their lives. I like how they grow close even though they're strangers. And, you can't really say anything bad about Bill Murray. There's something about the hustle and bustle around them, the foreign tongue, the absurdity of their microcosm and the poignancy of their connection. I feel that way tonight, with all of you. Thank you for being here even though we don't know each other.

More to come.

- P

** Updated my photo. Figured it's better than being Paul Giamati (no offense - it was from 'Sideways' - another favorite). This was before I spiraled out of control - like 2009.

U look so handsome n beautiful smile!

 

[Deleted member 14177]

You seem so lovely. Wishing you so much peace

 

[error_ratio]

Why has coronavirus had an impact?

I was told that they may be closing the hotel.

**** {Thursday - Update III} ****

Thank you all for your kind words.
Going to watch the movie (had to finalize a couple of financial items) then prepare.

Peace and love.

* Update *

Taking the ibuprofen. Fifteen minutes after, taking the Zofran and Tagamet.

* Update *

Taking the Tagamet and then Zofran. Will wait 45-60 minutes. A little anxious. Hard to concentrate on the movie.
The surprising thing so far is unpackaging everything.

Preparing two glasses of Sodium Nitrite. I am measuring two tablespoons (28 grams) for each drink.

 

[InTheAirTonight]

I was told that they may be closing the hotel.

**** {Thursday - Update III} ****

Thank you all for your kind words.
Going to watch the movie (had to finalize a couple of financial items) then prepare.

Peace and love.

* Update *

Taking the ibuprofen. Fifteen minutes after, taking the Zofran and Tagamet.

You'll be in my thoughts tonight. Best wishes and it's never too late to turn back if you don't want to.

 

[error_ratio]

Drinks are made and on the table. I stirred for a while. 35-45 more minutes.
I'm at peace, a little, but actually certain of my intention.

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises I couldn't keep and miles I've gone before I sleep"

 

[Nohopeinhell]

I have never commented on anyones thread before or on the whole of the SS website. This is my first time and i chose yours.

You have a lovely warm caring smile and i hope you find peace. I have been following this post from the start ❤

 

[error_ratio]

Getting prepared to drink the SN.
Listening to music. Some Radiohead and Philip Glass.
Hard to believe this is it.

I will update one more time after this then self-ban.

Thank you to all for your kind words and being here. It means more than you know.

 

[Lostandfound7]

OK hun...We r here with u

 

[error_ratio]

Good bye all. Drinking it is not pleasant. It is very salty.
May you all find peace.

Much love. God bless.

 

[oxymoron]

hi p,

if things dont get any better for me im planning to CTB within the next month as well. pm me if you need someone to talk to. maybe we can discuss our ctb together. peace.

Chip me in too. I'm planning it soon.

 

[Alec]

I hope you are alright, I hope you've found peace, I hope you are feeling alright. God I'm so sorry I didn't reply to you earlier, I've been watching this post but I just wasn't ready to write something I'm so sorry!!! You seem so kind and genuine and beautiful and handsome You also sound very nice and intelligent. I hope I'll meet you when I cross, on the other side, I feel like I'd like to know you Take care of yourself

 

[LosinIt20]

hi p,

if things dont get any better for me im planning to CTB within the next month as well. pm me if you need someone to talk to. maybe we can discuss our ctb together.
Can I pm you ? . I plan on CTB April 1st. I'm nervous somewhat but not really. Just ready to get the hard part over with

 

[shallow]

Last seen today 4:40...I hope you had a save journey

 

[Sadkitty]

I have been reading threads for like 3 days straight. Obviously it's been some time since "p" posted last. I just start bawling because I know how he felt. At my lowest I lost $2,000 a day gambling. I quit my job a year ago and can't seem to work again. I've had depression my whole life.
He just sounded so intelligent, compassionate and kind. I hate that pain causes such beautiful people to turn to such measures.
I'm glad a place like this can help people feel less alone. Even at our loneliest, darkest moment.