CTB plan: Pills + Hanging/Jumping off a building. Advice appreciated

[pillsandstep2]

Hi everyone, I really love this place, thank you for contributing and existing, and making me feel less alone and of a freak.

So.. I am in the process of planning my CTB plan. I am thinking of popping a whole load of pills, followed with a step 2 - either by hanging or by jumping off a building.
I am worried that the pills plan alone wouldn't work which is why I am thinking of adding a step 2.
So far these are the medicine I have acquired:

atarax / hydroxyzine HCL 20 tabs (25mg)
piriton / chlorphenamine 200 tabs (4mg)
benadryl / diphenhydramine 40 tabs (50mg)
tramadol 20 caps (50mg)
dextromethorphan 40 tabs (15mg)
orphenadrine 35mg + paracetamol 450mg 40 tabs
baclofen 10 tabs (10mg)
doxylamine 20 tabs (25mg)
ativan / lorazepam 50 tabs (1mg) - might be able to get 28 more if necessary
luvox / fluvozamine 40 tabs (50mg)
clonidine 10 tabs (0.15mg)

and good ol' alcohol (im more of a wine person but whiskey is fine too)

for anti vomitting and fast stomach emptying, i have:
metoclopramide 70 tabs (10mg)
domperidone 30 tabs (10mg)

I guess a couple of questions I have regarding the plan are:
1. What do you guys think of the medicine on this list? Is it enough alone or do i really need a step 2? I prefer to drift slowly into death - hanging and jumping is extremely scary for me so im hoping the meds would numb my fear and make me feel less scared.
2. if a step 2 is warranted, would hanging or jumping be better?
3. hanging - i would like to suffocation/cut off blood supply method instead of snapping my neck. is the knot the kind of knot that moves and tightens or a knot that doesnt move? what kind of material is good for this without cutting into my skin? is a door secure and strong enough as I am not confident of finding a place with a ceiling beam.
4. jumping - back facing the ground i'll be hitting or front facing the ground for higher success rate?

background info:
I have been on luvox/fluvoxamine for a month or so (50mg a day)

for anyone reading this and wondering why i want to CTB:

I have been struggling with depression since I was 14 (I am 32 this year). I have attempted suicide a couple of times but nothing really serious. I was too young to know what I was doing. Life has always seemed meaningless to me. Its an endless cycle that always come back to pain, disappointment, more pain and loss. The tiny nuggets of happiness is not worth all the pain and suffering that comes with being alive. I am terribly disappointed with human beings and I hate having to work just to eat and live. I have lost interest in everything. I really dont care anymore. I dont believe anyone truly could love me for who i am or be there for me. Sigh. Humans are so selfish - i experienced that recently and it truly put things in perspective. so I guess its okay for me to finally be selfish and pursue my own death. I am just so sorry for my parents.. I hope they will be okay and see this as me finally getting the relief I really need and want and ironically, not having to witness their eventual death. I dont know why people dont just get it - how death to some people is not sad or scary, how being alive is actually more sad and scary. As we age, life goes on a decline. I dont see a light at the end of the tunnel. I dont see things getting better. This is me finally putting myself first instead of staying alive to please people and be on the receiving end of pain. I know life can be a beautiful thing. I have seen it. Guess it just doesnt happen that way for a handful of people. I dont want to deal with pain, disappointment and loss and having to put a facade on anymore.

 

[Righttodie]

Hi everyone, I really love this place, thank you for contributing and existing, and making me feel less alone and of a freak.

So.. I am in the process of planning my CTB plan. I am thinking of popping a whole load of pills, followed with a step 2 - either by hanging or by jumping off a building.
I am worried that the pills plan alone wouldn't work which is why I am thinking of adding a step 2.
So far these are the medicine I have acquired:

atarax / hydroxyzine HCL 20 tabs (25mg)
piriton / chlorphenamine 200 tabs (4mg)
benadryl / diphenhydramine 40 tabs (50mg)
tramadol 20 caps (50mg)
dextromethorphan 40 tabs (15mg)
orphenadrine 35mg + paracetamol 450mg 40 tabs
baclofen 10 tabs (10mg)
doxylamine 20 tabs (25mg)
ativan / lorazepam 50 tabs (1mg) - might be able to get 28 more if necessary
luvox / fluvozamine 40 tabs (50mg)
clonidine 10 tabs (0.15mg)

and good ol' alcohol (im more of a wine person but whiskey is fine too)

for anti vomitting and fast stomach emptying, i have:
metoclopramide 70 tabs (10mg)
domperidone 30 tabs (10mg)

I guess a couple of questions I have regarding the plan are:
1. What do you guys think of the medicine on this list? Is it enough alone or do i really need a step 2? I prefer to drift slowly into death - hanging and jumping is extremely scary for me so im hoping the meds would numb my fear and make me feel less scared.
2. if a step 2 is warranted, would hanging or jumping be better?
3. hanging - i would like to suffocation/cut off blood supply method instead of snapping my neck. is the knot the kind of knot that moves and tightens or a knot that doesnt move? what kind of material is good for this without cutting into my skin? is a door secure and strong enough as I am not confident of finding a place with a ceiling beam.
4. jumping - back facing the ground i'll be hitting or front facing the ground for higher success rate?

background info:
I have been on luvox/fluvoxamine for a month or so (50mg a day)

for anyone reading this and wondering why i want to CTB:

I have been struggling with depression since I was 14 (I am 32 this year). I have attempted suicide a couple of times but nothing really serious. I was too young to know what I was doing. Life has always seemed meaningless to me. Its an endless cycle that always come back to pain, disappointment, more pain and loss. The tiny nuggets of happiness is not worth all the pain and suffering that comes with being alive. I am terribly disappointed with human beings and I hate having to work just to eat and live. I have lost interest in everything. I really dont care anymore. I dont believe anyone truly could love me for who i am or be there for me. Sigh. Humans are so selfish - i experienced that recently and it truly put things in perspective. so I guess its okay for me to finally be selfish and pursue my own death. I am just so sorry for my parents.. I hope they will be okay and see this as me finally getting the relief I really need and want and ironically, not having to witness their eventual death. I dont know why people dont just get it - how death to some people is not sad or scary, how being alive is actually more sad and scary. As we age, life goes on a decline. I dont see a light at the end of the tunnel. I dont see things getting better. This is me finally putting myself first instead of staying alive to please people and be on the receiving end of pain. I know life can be a beautiful thing. I have seen it. Guess it just doesnt happen that way for a handful of people. I dont want to deal with pain, disappointment and loss and having to put a facade on anymore.

Hey. I can't comment on the medications, but for hanging, you might want to go through this thread.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-to-hang-yourself.1183/

 

[any%]

Hi everyone, I really love this place, thank you for contributing and existing, and making me feel less alone and of a freak.

So.. I am in the process of planning my CTB plan. I am thinking of popping a whole load of pills, followed with a step 2 - either by hanging or by jumping off a building.
I am worried that the pills plan alone wouldn't work which is why I am thinking of adding a step 2.
So far these are the medicine I have acquired:

atarax / hydroxyzine HCL 20 tabs (25mg)
piriton / chlorphenamine 200 tabs (4mg)
benadryl / diphenhydramine 40 tabs (50mg)
tramadol 20 caps (50mg)
dextromethorphan 40 tabs (15mg)
orphenadrine 35mg + paracetamol 450mg 40 tabs
baclofen 10 tabs (10mg)
doxylamine 20 tabs (25mg)
ativan / lorazepam 50 tabs (1mg) - might be able to get 28 more if necessary
luvox / fluvozamine 40 tabs (50mg)
clonidine 10 tabs (0.15mg)

and good ol' alcohol (im more of a wine person but whiskey is fine too)

for anti vomitting and fast stomach emptying, i have:
metoclopramide 70 tabs (10mg)
domperidone 30 tabs (10mg)

I guess a couple of questions I have regarding the plan are:
1. What do you guys think of the medicine on this list? Is it enough alone or do i really need a step 2? I prefer to drift slowly into death - hanging and jumping is extremely scary for me so im hoping the meds would numb my fear and make me feel less scared.
2. if a step 2 is warranted, would hanging or jumping be better?
3. hanging - i would like to suffocation/cut off blood supply method instead of snapping my neck. is the knot the kind of knot that moves and tightens or a knot that doesnt move? what kind of material is good for this without cutting into my skin? is a door secure and strong enough as I am not confident of finding a place with a ceiling beam.
4. jumping - back facing the ground i'll be hitting or front facing the ground for higher success rate?

background info:
I have been on luvox/fluvoxamine for a month or so (50mg a day)

for anyone reading this and wondering why i want to CTB:

I have been struggling with depression since I was 14 (I am 32 this year). I have attempted suicide a couple of times but nothing really serious. I was too young to know what I was doing. Life has always seemed meaningless to me. Its an endless cycle that always come back to pain, disappointment, more pain and loss. The tiny nuggets of happiness is not worth all the pain and suffering that comes with being alive. I am terribly disappointed with human beings and I hate having to work just to eat and live. I have lost interest in everything. I really dont care anymore. I dont believe anyone truly could love me for who i am or be there for me. Sigh. Humans are so selfish - i experienced that recently and it truly put things in perspective. so I guess its okay for me to finally be selfish and pursue my own death. I am just so sorry for my parents.. I hope they will be okay and see this as me finally getting the relief I really need and want and ironically, not having to witness their eventual death. I dont know why people dont just get it - how death to some people is not sad or scary, how being alive is actually more sad and scary. As we age, life goes on a decline. I dont see a light at the end of the tunnel. I dont see things getting better. This is me finally putting myself first instead of staying alive to please people and be on the receiving end of pain. I know life can be a beautiful thing. I have seen it. Guess it just doesnt happen that way for a handful of people. I dont want to deal with pain, disappointment and loss and having to put a facade on anymore.

I would say stay away from some random chemical cocktail, OD attempts are often unsuccessfull (as it is a soft suicide method) & you might compromise your step 2 by being knocked out. Have you informed yourself about the night-night-method? Could be an option for you. I would also say stay away from DXM (dextromethorphan), I ODed twice on DXM and it is not pleasant at all (at least until you become unconscious), it makes you hallucinate like crazy, ego-death, out-of-body experience and all the crazy stuff. Your feeling of time will also be tricked, 4 hour trip was like I relived my whole life. Sorry that you feel this way :(

 

[pillsandstep2]

Hello, thanks for replying. I did read about the night night method but couldn't find the sweet spot.. but yes thats my plan B/C. Also, the cocktail was chosen because they all lead to respiratory depression. Thanks for the tip on DXM. and thank you @Righttodie for the thread on hanging.