Ctb maybe

[suicidalcat]

Honestly I alr posted about how I might wanna ctb but I js kinda wanna talk abt it more. Idk if I acc want to ctb or if this is another one of those like depressive episodes or smth like that. I was ok until a month ago and I js stopped leaving my house at all. And I've been having really bad anxiety. I honestly have stopped caring abt stuff I love as much as I did. And I don't know if I actually want to ctb or just disappear. I want to have a Forever long sleep where I don't have to even worry about anything anymore. I want to find a way to just disappear and like just rest but it seems so impossible because I'm worrying all the time and there's no escape. The only escape seems to be ctb. I'm not even sure if ctb is an option right now.

 

[hopeless302]

sounds like it's a depressive episode. Those can still be very tough and painful to deal with, but there's a chance it might go away with time and the right care. That being said, if you feel like CTBing then it's probably pretty serious. Not trying to be preachy but... yeah :')

 

[suicidalcat]

sounds like it's a depressive episode. Those can still be very tough and painful to deal with, but there's a chance it might go away with time and the right care. That being said, if you feel like CTBing then it's probably pretty serious. Not trying to be preachy but... yeah :')

Ur not being preachy, I appreciate that. I honestly would be too scared to say anything to anyone about it even if it's a depressive episode. Ctb is serious which means this is serious but I end up convincing myself it's nothing. I'd be too scared to actually ctb too I think because I've been told it's weak to end ur life because of problems, even if it's not true

 

[hopeless302]

Ur not being preachy, I appreciate that. I honestly would be too scared to say anything to anyone about it even if it's a depressive episode. Ctb is serious which means this is serious but I end up convincing myself it's nothing. I'd be too scared to actually ctb too I think because I've been told it's weak to end ur life because of problems, even if it's not true

I'm glad you recognize how serious this is. Maybe when you feel a little better, you can think about what might be causing these episodes and some ways to fix it. I also hope there are friends/family you can talk to about this. Maybe telling them that you wanna CTB might be a bit much for them, but if you show them that you're feeling bad, maybe they could give you some emotional support that could bring you to a better place. Struggling alone is the worst.

 

[suicidalcat]

I'm glad you recognize how serious this is. Maybe when you feel a little better, you can think about what might be causing these episodes and some ways to fix it. I also hope there are friends/family you can talk to about this. Maybe telling them that you wanna CTB might be a bit much for them, but if you show them that you're feeling bad, maybe they could give you some emotional support that could bring you to a better place. Struggling alone is the worst.

It's been happening for a while and my mom knows but it's really hard to talk about it. Honestly I wonder if it actually had ever gotten better or if I've just gotten distracted. It's been "on and off" feelings like this for a while but when I think about it all the good parts are just parts where I am not focused and distracted from my feelings.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Honestly I alr posted about how I might wanna ctb but I js kinda wanna talk abt it more. Idk if I acc want to ctb or if this is another one of those like depressive episodes or smth like that. I was ok until a month ago and I js stopped leaving my house at all. And I've been having really bad anxiety. I honestly have stopped caring abt stuff I love as much as I did. And I don't know if I actually want to ctb or just disappear. I want to have a Forever long sleep where I don't have to even worry about anything anymore. I want to find a way to just disappear and like just rest but it seems so impossible because I'm worrying all the time and there's no escape. The only escape seems to be ctb. I'm not even sure if ctb is an option right now.

I'm sorry that you are trapped in such a horrible situation. May I ask you whether you have an idea or in the best case you know what led to this depressive episode about 4 weeks ago? That could be helpful to find solutions to get out of it.

 

[hopeless302]

It's been happening for a while and my mom knows but it's really hard to talk about it. Honestly I wonder if it actually had ever gotten better or if I've just gotten distracted. It's been "on and off" feelings like this for a while but when I think about it all the good parts are just parts where I am not focused and distracted from my feelings.

In my personal experience, distractions are often the best way to keep these feelings at bay. But it's just a band-aid solution, you know? Gotta try to identify the root causes for the way you feel and explore ways to address them. I know these feelings a painful/uncomfortable/embarrassing to talk about, but a decent support system can really work wonders. No one should go through these things alone.

 

[suicidalcat]

I'm sorry that you are trapped in such a horrible situation. May I ask you whether you have an idea or in the best case you know what led to this depressive episode about 4 weeks ago? That could be helpful to find solutions to get out of it.

Honestly if I think back to the most recent reason it's happened it's when I got my heart broken by someone who pretended to love me for 4 months, but the first time I started feeling like this is because of my horrible father, then my grandpa died, and then I started getting into the wrong group of friends and doing drugs and ruining my life.

In my personal experience, distractions are often the best way to keep these feelings at bay. But it's just a band-aid solution, you know? Gotta try to identify the root causes for the way you feel and explore ways to address them. I know these feelings a painful/uncomfortable/embarrassing to talk about, but a decent support system can really work wonders. No one should go through these things alone.

I feel I am suffering so much I just want to escape Yk. I think the causes is so many things that have happened throughout my whole life that I have never truely confronted or healed from and I'm not even sure how I'd do that. I need therapy. I think I have some serious issues but I can't really fix them. I've been doing stuff to avoid my problems because I just don't want to face anything. I just want a break

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Honestly if I think back to the most recent reason it's happened it's when I got my heart broken by someone who pretended to love me for 4 months, but the first time I started feeling like this is because of my horrible father, then my grandpa died, and then I started getting into the wrong group of friends and doing drugs and ruining my life.

I feel I am suffering so much I just want to escape Yk. I think the causes is so many things that have happened throughout my whole life that I have never truely confronted or healed from and I'm not even sure how I'd do that. I need therapy. I think I have some serious issues but I can't really fix them. I've been doing stuff to avoid my problems because I just don't want to face anything. I just want a break

Gosh! That's a bunch of horrible things. It'll be a tough task and a lot of work to get out of this. Did you consider therapy and would have support at least from your mom? You should defintitely try professional help first and the good thing is you know the reasons so a good therapist should know ways he can show you to cope with all your negative experiences. I'm pretty sure that you can get out of this when you get good support.

 

[hopeless302]

Honestly if I think back to the most recent reason it's happened it's when I got my heart broken by someone who pretended to love me for 4 months, but the first time I started feeling like this is because of my horrible father, then my grandpa died, and then I started getting into the wrong group of friends and doing drugs and ruining my life.

I feel I am suffering so much I just want to escape Yk. I think the causes is so many things that have happened throughout my whole life that I have never truely confronted or healed from and I'm not even sure how I'd do that. I need therapy. I think I have some serious issues but I can't really fix them. I've been doing stuff to avoid my problems because I just don't want to face anything. I just want a break

Hey, I'm sorry. Heartbreak is a lot more serious than many realize and is probably the number one reason why many of us have come to this site. Also, my condolences for the loss of your Grandpa. You've been through many traumatic things in a short space of time, and I can only imagine the impact that has had on you, but I can promise you that your life has not been ruined. No offense, but you seem young and I believe there is a chance for things to get better. Drugs, bad friends... these are all things you can bounce back from. These things do not define you.

Like you said, there are many things you need to confront and heal from. But I'm sure you can do it with some guidance. Talk to someone you trust, whether it be a therapist, a close friend, a sibling... anyone who will hear you out. How you feel right now is valid, and it's okay if you feel too tired to do anything at the moment, but please give yourself the chance to heal whenever you get the opportunity

 

[suicidalcat]

Hey, I'm sorry. Heartbreak is a lot more serious than many realize and is probably the number one reason why many of us have come to this site. Also, my condolences for the loss of your Grandpa. You've been through many traumatic things in a short space of time, and I can only imagine the impact that has had on you, but I can promise you that your life has not been ruined. No offense, but you seem young and I believe there is a chance for things to get better. Drugs, bad friends... these are all things you can bounce back from. These things do not define you.

Like you said, there are many things you need to confront and heal from. But I'm sure you can do it with some guidance. Talk to someone you trust, whether it be a therapist, a close friend, a sibling... anyone who will hear you out. How you feel right now is valid, and it's okay if you feel too tired to do anything at the moment, but please give yourself the chance to heal whenever you get the opportunity

Thank u sm for the support I like acc really appreciate it

Gosh! That's a bunch of horrible things. It'll be a tough task and a lot of work to get out of this. Did you consider therapy and would have support at least from your mom? You should defintitely try professional help first and the good thing is you know the reasons so a good therapist should know ways he can show you to cope with all your negative experiences. I'm pretty sure that you can get out of this when you get good support.

Yeah it is, and it's just the beginning. Thanks sm I rlly am thankful for all this support and like kinda advice and words I'm getting

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing here certainly is so tiring and dreadful, so of course it's really understandable just wishing for permanent rest, such a thing sounds so incredibly ideal to me, I've always wished to just sleep forever. But anyway I wish you the best, it's awful how there's too much unnecessary suffering in existing.