LetMeOut67
Specialist
- May 7, 2025
- 351
I wish you well. I'm sorry that you and everyone else in the UK has to use such a terrifying and violent method to escape their agony. It is so unfair.
pogostick
Student
- Jul 29, 2025
- 118
What a pathetic fucking oussy man haha I'm sat here crying and just crying and crying and I don't even know why. I see no future for myself I don't even see a Christmas or an end to my university semester and I don't understand why I'm so sad. Maybe the drinking backfired. If I don't die tonight then I probably never will. How many times will I decide a date and say I'm gonna kill nyself before I actually jusr do it? It'll keep happening over and over and over until someone one gets fuckijf sick of me
It's a very emotional decision, and I don't think any of us here will get sick of you or it. It's a very courageous thing to do, to make a decision to CTB and have a meticulous plan to carry out at that.
There's got to be something there, that you're fighting for/holding on to? Even if it feels superficial right now.
I truly hope you're able to find your peace, in one way or another. You've got us all here at SaSu if you need to vent.
Hey, you're obviously pretty emotional right now. Maybe stop drinking if you haven't already. It's ok if this doesn't happen. Don't beat yourself up.
pogostick
Student
- Jul 29, 2025
- 118
I just want someone to care. I've made countless posts here sayinf 'today's the day!' And I'm still fuciing here and everything's still the same and nothing is ever gonna change. I mean, I know you guys care but you're just some random fuckinf people online huh. Nobody real cares. Nobody is gonna sit next to me and put their arm on my shoulder and tell me that they're gonna be there for me literally fuking noone because I've tried for so long
Don't feel like you have to answer, but which part of the UK are you in? Would it help befriending someone local to you who is in a similar situation to build a friendship off? It's probably very weird and hard to trust someone you've met on the internet.
But I hear everything you're saying. I know how meaningful those words and actions feel, I had a very emotional experience with my therapist when he said he was there for me. It's something you hear so rarely, but carries such an importance.
How do you feel in this moment? Are you still deciding on making your way there, or staying home? Do you think at least making the journey there but not committing would be beneficial? Almost like playing the routine without the responsibility.
pogostick
Student
- Jul 29, 2025
- 118
Honestly yeah that probably would help.
I have felt emotional a few times when talking to councillors, i can't give specific quotes because honestly i don't remember, but i just remember feeling reslly moved by some of their words. Unfortunately, they typically end up dropping me (or I drop them) because I'm quite reluctant to changing
I'm actually feeling okay now haha. I was freaking out though when you first replied, honestly. I think I just wasted a whole roll of toilet paper on crying. I think I will go regardless. I just have to figure out what to do if I don't commit lmao. I'll be there at around 5am, train is at 6, then what? My mum would think it was a bit weird to come home at 6.30-7 after only being there an hour, supposedly with friends. I guess I'll just have to wait a couple hours until uni starts and then head straight there.
Whatever. Hopefully I can just lay my sorry ass on those tracks and get it over with
Firefly.Forest
Student
- Aug 28, 2025
- 137
So sorry for the agony that you are suffering. Sometimes words are so inadequate and this is one of them.
Hugs
Hugs
I'm happy to hear you're feeling better - sometimes just talking helps a lot, and helps put things into a chaotic order. I think even just sitting, and embracing the surreal experience of being in the area where you were prepared to leave, can spark a lot of emotional response.
With the timings of everything, you'll be out of the house for about 3 hours~ right? If you factor in the journey there, the supposed "1 hour with friends" and then 1 hour back. You could say it was just a quick coffee catch up. An hour seems reasonable for that.
If you're near Yorkshire, I'm always happy to be a friend - however, if you're in uni I would assume you're a fair few years younger than me and so the age gap may be a bit weird. But as I said, I'm sure there are others similar age and interests who I'm sure are in the same boat and would love a friend. Even if it's just something virtual.
Hope everything goes okay in the next few hours
pogostick
Student
- Jul 29, 2025
- 118
I'm happy to hear you're feeling better - sometimes just talking helps a lot, and helps put things into a chaotic order. I think even just sitting, and embracing the surreal experience of being in the area where you were prepared to leave, can spark a lot of emotional response.
With the timings of everything, you'll be out of the house for about 3 hours~ right? If you factor in the journey there, the supposed "1 hour with friends" and then 1 hour back. You could say it was just a quick coffee catch up. An hour seems reasonable for that.
If you're near Yorkshire, I'm always happy to be a friend - however, if you're in uni I would assume you're a fair few years younger than me and so the age gap may be a bit weird. But as I said, I'm sure there are others similar age and interests who I'm sure are in the same boat and would love a friend. Even if it's just something virtual.
Hope everything goes okay in the next few hours
I actually have family who live in Yorkshire. I'm quite far but it's a beautiful place. My grandfather took me to Whitby for the first time last time we went. I'm not sure if that's actually in Yorkshire or just close by but.. whatever.
Yeah you're right. I could probably bullshit something for my mum to believe. Just fuck this shit man haha. Fuck wanting to die and having to fight your own body for peace. I hope I die in the next 4 hours
Whitby is northeast Yorkshire yeah, it's incredibly beautiful there! I went there a few years ago, for about a week, walked up to the Abbey and spent a lot of time wondering around the town eating from random street vendors
I and many others know your feeling, life shouldn't be so difficult and challenging. Especially just to wanting to be happy and at peace. Even when the only option is wanting a way out, it's still incredibly difficult.
pogostick
Student
- Jul 29, 2025
- 118
I think I'm just at a confused point right now. I kind of messed up. I shouldn't have given myself 8 free hours between doing shit and CTB. I was supposed to keep busy. Honestly how embarrassing to mess up your own plan. The adrenaline's all worn off and the cycle starts again
traingirl
A Farewell Transmission
- Oct 7, 2025
- 198
You're not pathetic it's ok I made several posts here saying today would be the day and then I backed out when you're not ready you're not ready I decided I won't force on myself until something clicks but don't feel dumb or pathetic
pogostick
Student
- Jul 29, 2025
- 118
I mean, I could still go but… I dunno. I keep waiting for a perfect time that I don't know even exists.
If I survive today then I gotta go out tonight n then I have to go to London next week and then it's Christmas and I can't kill myself at Christmas and then it's January and if I haven't done my uni work by then I've failed the year, it only gets worse from here
penguinl0v3s
Wait for Me 💙
- Nov 1, 2023
- 918
