Venting Ctb during Mother's Day month

[Notwinnernotawin]

I have a perfect opportunity to finally end my suffering on May 1st. Everything about it was settled, I was even feeling a lot more peaceful with my choice. But then, I suddenly remembered: next month is Mother's Day.
Even tho we have our conflicts, my mom is my best friend. She gave her life to raise me well, and it hurts me a lot to think that one day she'll go out to come back home and find her only daughter dead. It's even worse to think that she'll have to spend Mother's Day still grieving.
I could postpone my ctb. But I'm in pain, so much pain that ending my life is the only way to make it stop. But I guess it would hurt a lot more to go knowing what is coming.
After the day I have scheduled, only if I'm lucky enough I'll have another one before the first days of June. Since the last time I tried, my mom barely leaves me alone. And when she does, I have to keep my shit together to not have a crisis or a breakdown before it, otherwise she tries to convince me to go outside, which only triggers me more.
Another month seems too much. The pain it's getting too heavy. But if I endured it for so long, I could make the most to live the best of it. Just another month. Just some more days...

 

[autumnal]

I personally think Mother's Day is a bit of a Hallmark-created occasion rather than a proper one. But you know your family situation better than we do, and perhaps it has a particular significance in yours. But I think it's most likely your mother's grief is going to be intense no matter what, and what anniversaries come during it are largely irrelevant.

 

[nikindia]

Even I am in a similar quandary. My mother's birthday is approaching but I want to CTB ASAP.