Venting CTB decision set in stone, life is just a countdown. got rejected too!

[deepsweetdiver]

heya to this site, i'm new so i still have to learn all the terms

I'm oddly calm about it but i've finally decided it all. my life will end by suicide. i am and will always have to be in control of my own life, and if that means being in control of my own death that i will gladly accept. i have given up on the idea that life will get better, i wish i could tell my young self that i was right and everything was truly all hopeless, but frankly i am sick of myself always wishing.

i started self harming at 9ish and started having ctb thoughts at 12, i tried to tough the latter out as puberty stuff but considering i'm here...it didn't!

but the urge hit extra hard today, i got rejected from an ass who lead me on. fyi i go to an arts school but plan to drop out after this to not waste anymore money, but our semester play was a romance and i was the lead girl and my absolute cheesy middleschool-esque crush was the lead guy, and he starts dropping little hints like how the plot could be true with us, he would actually enjoy a kiss scene, and inviting me out on to essentially dates. i adore this guy and he looks like a fucking angel so obv i tell like him. the cunt just scoffs and says it was just for me to get in role. THE PLAY ENDED LAST WEEK AND YOU STILL FLIRTED TO THIS DAY YOU ASS.

ik that was a tangent but good god that just shortened how much time i want on earth

 

[Ozzyno]

Desiring to kill yourself because of a simple rejection from a random guy seems pretty dramatic.

Is there something else behind this? You can talk about it so maybe someone could give you their thoughts.

 

[LostLily]

Honestly, no one is really worth taking your life over. If he was a really an asshole, maybe you dodged a bullet!

Desiring to kill yourself because of a simple rejection from a random guy seems pretty dramatic.

Is there something else behind this? You can talk about it so maybe someone could give you their thoughts.

Your post are so caring and insightful . It may sound selfish, but I'm glad you didn't hang yourself and that you are still here

 

[Ozzyno]

Your post are so caring and insightful . It may sound selfish, but I'm glad you didn't hang yourself and that you are still here

It's not selfish to say that. I'm happy someone can see beauty in me… thank you

 

[LostLily]

It's not selfish to say that. I'm happy someone can see beauty in me… thank you

Your welcome

 

[deepsweetdiver]

Desiring to kill yourself because of a simple rejection from a random guy seems pretty dramatic.

Is there something else behind this? You can talk about it so maybe someone could give you their thoughts.

Sorry, I wrote this in a daze last night- its not the rejection itself, ive been wanting to kms for a while now mainly because of my mental state, but the guy rejecting me only worsened how I feel, but I wouldn't kms just over him

 

[Ozzyno]

Sorry, I wrote this in a daze last night- its not the rejection itself, ive been wanting to kms for a while now mainly because of my mental state, but the guy rejecting me only worsened how I feel, but I wouldn't kms just over him

You don't have to say sorry… that's exactly what I was saying. If you want to talk about your mental state you can write about it here or in private to me or someone else, most people in this forum will be happy to listen to you.