FatalSystemError591
{He/They}
- Oct 12, 2020
- 229
I've had a hard night, remembering all the reasons why I have a bus ticket in my hand and ready to be redeemed at any time, and I think about saying goodbye, writing letters, doing the last things I want to do.. why do I keep crying? Even just the mention of thinking "hey, when I go.. don't speak of the name I was born with, call me _____ and use these pronouns for me so that when I go, you'll do me one last honor." And stuff like that and I just... start crying. I don't know why the tears fall. Or writing the last notes and letters, and saying my peace that I won't be able to say once I board... or how I never thought I would make it to be how old I am now, and how I wanted to CTB as young as somewhere between 6-10... A lot of stuff has just been falling apart on me and I wish I had a proper place to talk about everything, but God it would take too long and say too many personal details.
I'm in therapy, I have medication... it doesn't dull the pain of how my life has been and the person that I am. I just want it all to be over but my insanely curious mind can't get over the fact that when I think of preparing for the trip, I just break down. Does anyone else feel this way? Is there a reason for it?
I'm in therapy, I have medication... it doesn't dull the pain of how my life has been and the person that I am. I just want it all to be over but my insanely curious mind can't get over the fact that when I think of preparing for the trip, I just break down. Does anyone else feel this way? Is there a reason for it?