Help Crisis feel worse and worse

[nomennescio]

I am feeling so bad. I can literally not do anything anymore. I dont have the ideal supplies now i know, but i am going to take the risk i think. dont think i can wait any longer or make any preparations. Cant read long texts let alone about chemical matter and medical stuff. Cant go out. Anxiety sky high. I have to go now i cant take it any longer

I have not eaten in 24 hours only 500 ml foodshake. Taking domperidon started 3 hours ago.

I have
Little 6.5 grams amitriptyline
600 mg oxazepam
250 mg temazepam
Privacy for 48 hours
(Also i have some lyrica, diclofenac is this worth adding?)
Is adding alcohol a good idea?

I am about 40 kg female 170 cm something

Will take a shower smoke some weed and take first some benzo then when i feel it i will take the ami and rest of oxa and tema and go to bed.


Any advice is welcome i really want to go i know the dosage is low and not correct adviced protocol but since i dont weigh much and am physically weak i think i can take the risk was nog the way i planned but am feeling so low

 

[dialogos]

The reason why its so hard to reply to you is that being impulsive about suicide just like driving, can lead you to making mistakes and ending up in a tragic place you didn't ever wan to be, like a conscious paralyzed vegetable. Life is hard and so is death. It needs meticulous planning to succeed the way you want.
Have you checked the sticky https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/suicide-resource-compilation.3/

 

[Praestat_Mori]

The PPeH suggests 10g Amitriptyline and 20x30mg Oxazepam. It's up to you but I suggest to use more Amitriptyline, don't underestimate the risks of failing when you don't follow a proven protocol.

Wish you all the best whatever decision you make. I hope you make the right one for you.

 

[nomennescio]

The PPeH suggests 10g Amitriptyline and 20x30mg Oxazepam. It's up to you but I suggest to use more Amitriptyline, don't underestimate the risks of failing when you don't follow a proven protocol.

Wish you all the best whatever decision you make. I hope you make the right one for you.

Thank you.
I managed to knock myself out last night fortunately.

I have some more ami coming this week, but still not enough to make it to the suggested amount. I am going to try and wait for that..

The reason why its so hard to reply to you is that being impulsive about suicide just like driving, can lead you to making mistakes and ending up in a tragic place you didn't ever wan to be, like a conscious paralyzed vegetable. Life is hard and so is death. It needs meticulous planning to succeed the way you want.
Have you checked the sticky https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/suicide-resource-compilation.3/

Thank you. I know. I wasnt handling it too well last night. Managed to knock myself out before i got to it. The preparation is so difficult. I cant do much anymore. Dont bave concentration for long texts, i need my benzos to get sleep and through moments like last night but then. Again i have to gather again as i have it prescribed its like a trap.

Thanks for your concern though i really appreciate

 

[Huggs]

Hello again. Thank you for sharing, we are different people of course but some of what you said really strikes home with me as well. I'm sorry for all the pain, it's horrible. I agree with @dialogos, please be careful about this. Waiting is torturous but it's worth it if it lowers the chance of everything going badly. I do however understand the need to go. With using alcohol I've read mostly about it in the context of SN and not using it there so it could be different in this case, but alcohol does increase nausea without much benefit, I would avoid it.

 

[nomennescio]

Okay its been some time, i managed to get through some time and collect more ami. I have 10+ gram ami right now.
Plenty of benzos. About 800mg oxazepam and 600mg temazepam. Also have the antiemetic that i will start using before and will not eat the last day(s).

I will plan it and do it somewhere the coming month(s). Planning has given me some rest though its sad as well idk its double that there is no other way. I will also be having a house all for myself so chances are i wont be found after like a week or even longer. Everything i read about it seems peaceful, with all of this and the physical state i am in this must work.
If anyone has any experiences or wants to share please do

 

[nomennescio]

oh yea.. i am on seroxat. Does an ssri interfere with the ami in any way that anyone knows of?
Kind of thinking of stopping taking the seroxat. I will feel even worse and my si might be lower cause i get more suicidal. I also get more unstable of course and dont want to get off of the plan that i have and be impulsive..
Any advise or experience would be welcome. Might be thinking things through too much at this point.