Venting Cptsd sucks

[im here i guess]

Flashbacks are so bad, I keep ticking and its annoying and stressful, everything is so loud and I hate it, my head hurts like hell. im having a horrible time right now.

I am very worried about my relationships with people. I am scared of hurting people I come close to. There's one person I can trust, who I know I won't hurt, who I know loves me and stuff, but she's not here right now, which is why im panicking So much.

I keep getting very attached to people then hurting them a week later, it's exhausting to go from someone being my whole world to me finding a way to break up with them a week later. It makes me so numb, but also makes the hole in my heart too deep to be filled.

i Have completely lost sight of who the real me is. She is a stranger. I am just a people pleaser who gets attached to people then drops them a week later. Im lucky I have one girlfriend who stuck, who ivE been dating for over a year and is actually turning out well. I know im lucky for that. But it doesn't make it less exhausting to go through these feelings.

my excuse for staying alive is my gf. i Love her, so much, but im still so exhausted. If it weren't for her maybe I'd already have caught the bus.

Sorry for rambling, I don't expect anyone to bother reading this or replying, I know everyone has problems and shit, im just so tired. Living with this trauma is hell. my mind is my worst enemy. I am my own prison and I can never escape. every day Is suffering, I dont Know now much longer I can pretend to not be suffering for. Thanks for reading.

 

[HopefulSleep]

I hate how the human brain works always forcing you to remember stuff it is so painful

 

[im here i guess]

I hate how the human brain works always forcing you to remember stuff it is so painful

I just want to feel comfy, yk

 

[HopefulSleep]

I just want to feel comfy, yk

I want to not get hurt ever again

 

[whywere]

My heart ached for you reading your thread and I really want you to know that I care about you. I have no family nor friends, except all the loving souls here on SS. I consider you family to/for me as after reading and rereading your thread, I came away with a strong feeling of thoughtfulness and kindness from you.

You were not, nor would you ever ramble. That is what makes SS such a sanctuary for me and hopefully others, as we can be ourselves and have a judgement free place filled with folks who love and care for each other.

Lots of huge hugs, love and the knowledge that you are family to/for me, and I will never be able to thank you enough.

Walter

 

[im here i guess]

My heart ached for you reading your thread and I really want you to know that I care about you. I have no family nor friends, except all the loving souls here on SS. I consider you family to/for me as after reading and rereading your thread, I came away with a strong feeling of thoughtfulness and kindness from you.

You were not, nor would you ever ramble. That is what makes SS such a sanctuary for me and hopefully others, as we can be ourselves and have a judgement free place filled with folks who love and care for each other.

Lots of huge hugs, love and the knowledge that you are family to/for me, and I will never be able to thank you enough.

Walter

Thank you, I needed to hear some kind words like that. Thank you. I'm here to mourn your sadness too, if you need me to

 

[Dead Already]

Flashbacks are the worst, especially in public,
So freaking scary and disorienting.
I'm new at this and am having a hard time trying to find something meaningful to say.
I feel you friend, rambling?, not even close, honestly disclosing how you feel is courageous to say the least.

 

[Ambivalent1]

The memories don't bother me unless I dig deep into it which I don't do. The effects of the trauma bother me.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so horrible having to suffer like that, it's certainly such a hellish world we exist in where people suffer so much all through no fault of their own. But anyway I wish you the best.