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amor.dor

amor.dor

Forever Is a Charm
Dec 24, 2025
274
I am very sensitive to light. I've always done solitary work and was very good at it. I never liked bureaucracy (not even taxes). Regarding emotions, I'm very apathetic — someone could be yelling at me and I wouldn't care. Sometimes I have difficulty realizing when someone has feelings for me.
I have a doll-like gaze.

p.s.
You seem to know a lot about these things.





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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
173
129,589

Hmm... Well, I cannot diagnose you, but it does sound somewhat autistic. If only you had money, you could go to a professional and solve the mystery for good.
The phrase "Doll-like gaze" has me imagining you all cute and waxy in a vintage dress now. I know what you mean, though.

Also, thank you. I'm something of an autodidact; I have an amateur's knowledge in close to everything, which gives the illusion of me being highly educated, but any expert in a given field would be able to crush me effortlessly in a battle of wits; except for perhaps thanatology.
I think there are benefits to having a learning style that prioritizes breadth over depth, though. You start to be able to notice patterns and link subjects together in ways that most wouldn't see. You also develop a sort of intuition where your gut feeling can accurately tell you whether something is right or wrong; It's very peculiar, and I always second-guess myself just to be sure.
 
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amor.dor

amor.dor

Forever Is a Charm
Dec 24, 2025
274
I'm short, maybe I look like a doll lol
Ni hao xixi Can't sleep either?
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Xi-Xi

Xi-Xi

The Next Phantom Thief (Fae/Faer)
Nov 19, 2025
165
I'm short, maybe I look like a doll lol
Ni hao xixi Can't sleep either?
129 587
125 986
Olá armor.dor, eu também não consigo dormir. Sobre o que você gostaria de conversar?
 
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amor.dor

amor.dor

Forever Is a Charm
Dec 24, 2025
274
What's it like to travel by plane and see snow?
129 589
 
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
173
129,588

I've been all around Europe, so I have experience with planes... The sensation of taking off is very fun; everything abruptly becomes weightless for a second, and yet you're pushed into your seat with an incredibly strong force.
If you're lucky enough to get a seat by a window, the first hour of flight or so allows you to look down at the world as you travel; it's very memorable, how geometric and tidy the city lights look from above, and how it looks as if you could hold an entire world in your hand.
That said, the plane usually rises above the clouds at some point, and there's nothing to see other than the Sun, the Moon and a thick blanket of white down below.

The myth about airplane food being mediocre is true. The snacks are tolerable, though.

When you're in a plane, you go to very high altitudes. Most planes are oxygenated, but even so, the air at these heights is so thin that it causes hypoxia, especially in first-time passengers (if you fly a lot, your body eventually adapts). You'll probably stop being able to hear things as your eardrums suffer tinnitus, you'll feel super nauseous and tired, your thoughts will get fuzzy... That's what happened to me, as I am a lowlander.

Snow... It is mundane to me, so I do not know what to say about it. The white snow is nice and gives the world a very "pure" appearance, but I recommend not touching any of the yellow snow if you ever come across it.
129,588

Edit 1 hour later: The tiredness is getting to me. I see faces and animals staring at me from the dark, and this paper bag looks like an owl to me, even if I focus. I should probably sleep.
 
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
173
129,587

Good night, Xi. I hope you'll sleep well tonight.
 
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
173
129,586

I dreamt about trying to sleep while creepy haunted dolls watch me.
They did a lot of annoying bullshit, like slowly inching closer to me in an attempt to scare me, and throwing random objects at me or around my room. One of the dolls started playing ear rape through my headphones.
One of them actually snuck under my blanket and came up to snuggle with me, which made me go "awh". I thought it was really cute.
I didn't really feel scared, just incredibly annoyed beyond measure.

In other news, my hallucinations have been very animal themed as of late. A lot of eerie looking animals staring at me from the dark; hares, owls, lambs.
My cat became two-headed until I looked at it and thought: That's not right.
 
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amor.dor

amor.dor

Forever Is a Charm
Dec 24, 2025
274
129 585
I never remember what I dream.
I can't imagine things in color, it's always black and white, and I have difficulty remembering faces. I think I'm on the opposite side from you, since you have a very vivid mind.
129,586

I dreamt about trying to sleep while creepy haunted dolls watch me.
They did a lot of annoying bullshit, like slowly inching closer to me in an attempt to scare me, and throwing random objects at me or around my room. One of the dolls started playing ear rape through my headphones.
One of them actually snuck under my blanket and came up to snuggle with me, which made me go "awh". I thought it was really cute.
I didn't really feel scared, just incredibly annoyed beyond measure.

In other news, my hallucinations have been very animal themed as of late. A lot of eerie looking animals staring at me from the dark; hares, owls, lambs.
My cat became two-headed until I looked at it and thought: That's not right.
 
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
173
129,584

That's interesting. Do you have an inner voice? There are some people who apparently don't.
 
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amor.dor

amor.dor

Forever Is a Charm
Dec 24, 2025
274
129,584

That's interesting. Do you have an inner voice? There are some people who apparently don't.
Yes, my own voice. Sometimes a male voice too, but now that I stop to think about it, the mental voice is almost never my own voice. It's familiar to me, but it's not mine.
And you? i'm so curious!
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
173
129,582

I have one too, but it sounds high-pitched and boyish; somewhat akin to how I sounded when I was young. I think, one day, it appeared in my youth, and its voice didn't change very much.
I'm able to "take control" of it and make it say whatever I want it to say, but if I don't, then it actually keeps talking in the back of my head. It's like it has a mind of its own. As I wrote this, I got an intrusive thought saying "Hi!" to me. The thought that came after that is "Death of innocence, birth of a god" (I have no idea what this has to do with the current conversation).
The "free flowing" inner voice sort of just says random things. It's like a stream of consciousness.
 
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amor.dor

amor.dor

Forever Is a Charm
Dec 24, 2025
274
129 581
With me, it's more figurative than audible. Maybe you'll understand what I'm trying to say.

Wow, I'm surprised at how much the mind can vary.
I have an internal figure that always externalized what I truly felt and what I needed to know, since I was young... It's me, but it's not me. Confusing, right?
I am an other - Rimbaud.
 

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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
173
129,580

Yes, I understand. It's not so much that you can "hear" it as much as it's like you "know" it, right? You have a faint idea of what it sounds like, but it's just a thought at the end of the day.

That, though, is super interesting. I do not think I have any internal figures; I feel very aligned with my deeper self, perhaps because I am an egoist.
The way you describe it reminds me a lot of the Jungian Self, which is the combined manifestation of both your conscious and unconscious mind; it often "knows" what you truly think or want before you consciously do. Or the modern archetype of the Observer, which is the part of our mind that is capable of thinking without emotional bias.

Those are just old frameworks, though. Food for thought.
 
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amor.dor

amor.dor

Forever Is a Charm
Dec 24, 2025
274
129 579
Yes, it's surreal to perceive this other self. Maybe this is what mystics used to talk about and what religion ended up distorting over time — that God is within us, because this other self seems to know everything about us even before we do.

Think I got a little carried away there.

When you dream, do you smell and taste things?
 
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
173
129,578

Ooh, I get carried away when talking about mysticism too... I could write at least 5 paragraphs of info on that subject alone, but I'll stop myself.

Sometimes I do, yes. It depends on the dream. I can also physically feel things. I remember, one time, I was in this temple of gold and orange copper, with massive fire-lit braziers blazing around me. The chamber, some kind of big cathedral hall, was absolutely huge, and yet I could feel the heat on my skin making me sweat. A robed figure offered me a burning chalice containing something; I drank from it, and whatever liquid was inside tasted very bitter and burned my throat a bit. I woke up shortly after that, but what was unique about this dream was how real it all felt; I could see perfectly, hear, smell and touch as if I was actually there, I could even think clearly.
 
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amor.dor

amor.dor

Forever Is a Charm
Dec 24, 2025
274
129,578

Ooh, I get carried away when talking about mysticism too... I could write at least 5 paragraphs of info on that subject alone, but I'll stop myself.

Sometimes I do, yes. It depends on the dream. I can also physically feel things. I remember, one time, I was in this temple of gold and orange copper, with massive fire-lit braziers blazing around me. The chamber, some kind of big cathedral hall, was absolutely huge, and yet I could feel the heat on my skin making me sweat. A robed figure offered me a burning chalice containing something; I drank from it, and whatever liquid was inside tasted very bitter and burned my throat a bit. I woke up shortly after that, but what was unique about this dream was how real it all felt; I could see perfectly, hear, smell and touch as if I was actually there, I could even think clearly.
129 577
Write for me, I'd love to read it. You write things that make a lot of sense — it'll be fun to read.
 
Xi-Xi

Xi-Xi

The Next Phantom Thief (Fae/Faer)
Nov 19, 2025
165
My inner voice is very odd.
He (she?) has a name, but the name changes
Today is Rostov, tomorrow Rosé or Mars
They speak a variety of languages, some of which I do not understand
All somehow managing to sound British.

129 577
«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»
I had an odd dream as well. I woke up in my own fantasy game I've been developing for years. Surprisingly unnotable, I just tried not to die horribly for 7 hours.
 
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
173
129,576
Write for me, I'd love to read it. You write things that make a lot of sense — it'll be fun to read.
Sure.
You're right, mystics did have a fascination with inner divinity and union with the Absolute; and it did get distorted overtime. There is a very relevant subject to this that mystics most often circled around when it came to divine union: God's love.
This love is not in the way that you might think of it, however; in the modern day Abrahamic faiths that permeated Western and Middle Eastern spiritual thought, it is often said to us that the divine is all-loving, meant in a very encompassing and sentimental way in order to emphasize the subjective 'personal connection with God' aspect of religion.
When you look at old texts and scrolls from Proto-Judaic time periods, God was never thought to be loving in an emotive or nurturing way. What mystics thought, most prevalently during the Second Temple period, is that God's "love" is not softness, care or compassion. Rather, it's absolute attachment. "Love" here is the quality of being fundamentally bonded and entangled with everything, on the most intimate possible level.
Nothing is apart from God, and this perfect non-separation is seen as a form of 'intimacy' with the divine. It's not that YOU specifically are loved; it's that you are not, and you cannot be, apart from infinity. The divine is the total condition of all being, and to be "loved" more precisely means to be absolutely held and absolutely known, which you always are, as per the nature of divine omnipotence.
What they essentially wanted to say with this back then but summarized as 'attachment'/'love' is that there is never any privacy from God, and no escape or rejection of it is possible even if you think it is, because being part of everything, it is always with you. This is what it means to know that you will never be alone; and that is technically a form of 'love', isn't it? It is God that torments you, and God that pleases you.

Of course, the idea of that is horrifying to a typical human, which is why priests and preachers skirted around it extremely hard when imparting gospel to the masses. Mystics revealed these ideas and then passed it to priests, who were charged with the task of taking the complex and confusing ideas of the mystics and boiling it down into understandable terms for commoners (this was especially hard because philosophy was often written in Greek, and the regional lingua franca, Aramaic, simply did not have any terms that conveyed the ideas which could be communicated in Greek). So, they did what they could with the most commonly understood and closely analogous words of the time. Attachment became love. No one would want to convert if you opened with: "GOD IS THE EMBODIMENT OF EVERYTHING, AND YOU ARE HELPLESS TO RESIST!".

Anyway... All of this is a big part of why, mostly in early mystic texts, there was a big theme around cosmic ecstasy and bliss being ego-dissolving. They actually came up with a term for this a lot later on in Jewish Kabbalah; it's a concept called 'Devekut', which roughly refers to being cleaved, or merged. This 'love' is your ego death, the unity of your soul with the divine to create something new and qualitatively better as you merge closer and closer to this source of unity (God).
Being able to let go of yourself and lose sight of your own ego is in fact a good thing, because it means you are reaching closer attunement with the divine. Perceiving other selves, correctly knowing without knowing, feeling alien experiences beyond words and explanation, experiencing inner peace and tranquility surrounding the world even when you're in a state of personal loss or adversity; all of these are sparks of the divine essence within all of us, that we must aspire to reach and embody through our minds, which are a closely connected gateway to our souls.


Really, it's interesting stuff.
My inner voice is very odd.
He (she?) has a name, but the name changes
Today is Rostov, tomorrow Rosé or Mars
They speak a variety of languages, some of which I do not understand
All somehow managing to sound British.
«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»
I had an odd dream as well. I woke up in my own fantasy game I've been developing for years. Surprisingly unnotable, I just tried not to die horribly for 7 hours.
Good morning (afternoon), Xi.
Ah, the Rostov butcher has possessed you!!! Run!
That's so interesting. Your voice is a lot more personified than mine.
What was the game roughly about, if you remember?
 
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amor.dor

amor.dor

Forever Is a Charm
Dec 24, 2025
274
Xi-xi has a PlayStation 6 inside his mind. wow
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OnceTheHappiestMan

OnceTheHappiestMan

Member
Dec 6, 2025
55
good day counters
It's interesting what you mention about the inner voice. My inner voice is completely, boringly, (and tortuously) me.

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