As a child and as a teenager I endured a lot of shit. My parents abused me. Especially domestic violence fucked me up. At school I was bullied a lot especially because I was obese. My mom always gave me unbelievable unhealthy food and due to the abuse I developed OCD both made me an easy target.
I recently watched this anti-suicide music video of the rapper Logic. I almost cried. Yeah I would liked to be saved but it is not that simple as they show it in this video. At least for me I struggle with problems which are very very difficult to solve. And probably they will lead to my future suicide. In this music video a (sports) teacher intervenes and helps the teenager who struggles with bullying and discrimination.
It reminded me of my teachers. Most of them were not helpful especially they did not help against bullies. I can remember a bully of mine insulted me a lot (today I would not give a shit) and I hit him. I should have done that way more often. But I was always scared about the punishments of the teachers. Due to the violence of my mom I have never learned to defend myself. Because always when I defended myself against my mom her punishment just got worse and more cruel. When I defended myself against the bully the teacher was on the side of my bully. After my teacher disciplined me my bully laughed about me and insulted me even worse. This was all so cynical. Furthermore when the teachers were not around they often beated me up.
I injured me one time very badly during a sports lesson. Everybody laughed about me. My teacher said nothing and acted more or less that I am just too stupid to run properly. I suffered a lot of pain due to that injury and on top of that everybody laughed at me.
When I developed my sever mental illness several years later many teachers also learned about it. Their reactions were quite very heterogeneous. Some of them truely were empathetic and supportive. Some did not judge me I can still remember them and I really appreciated it. But there also were other fractions. Many had no idea about my abuse etc. and what caused my illness. They were judgemental and acted like it was my fault that I got mentally ill. These people did not know anything about my biography and still some of them left really stupid comments.
One of the worst reactions came from one teacher who always disliked me. Many teachers disliked me because I was a careerist. Of course they did not know that my mom raised me to be one of them and honestly these people judge without knowing any backstory. This teacher laughed at me when I met him after my time in clinic. I can still remember his stupid laughing face. However he stopped laughing when he recognized that I am in real severe pain.
I just wished any adults would have intervened during my torture. Most teachers really really suck when they have to deal with bullies. Some just don't give any fuck or make it even worse. At least this is my experience. I don't really have any solution for it. Maybe they need a better training but there will always be bullies.
I think I showed signs of being abused in school a lot. Especially in primary school it was so fucking obvious that I am in real pain. Everyone thought my mom would be a saint because at the outside she always acted like a mom who would really care about their children. But I think many other parents knew about the abuse. It was so obvious I cried every single day in school. I almost collapsed every single day when I was really young. Fucking noone intervened. My mom always threatened me not to tell anyone about the abuse. My mom acted like a fucking psychopath.
One time my sister could not handle it anymore and broke down at the birthday of a school friend. She told his mom that my mom beated us. Noone did something against it. At least this mom really judged my mom with disdain. Rightfully so! But damn any of these adults should have called the police. Another relative of mine also was abused my her parents. She broke down in school and opened up about it to her teachers. Yeah my mom was proud of me I never did that. I can remember one time a teacher asked us whether our parents hit us at least one time. I was extremely scared when she asked that. My mom always threatened me. I was in a real dilemma. I raised my hand beneath my table so scared I was.
My mom is a monster. Now she regrets everything and feels really sorry. But only a monster can treat a child like that. And my dad is and always was an ignorant jerk who did not do anything against it. This is the man who says how incompetent most other peoples are. My parents are pathetic. Only scum abuses a child. There is absolutely no excuse for that.
Do you think any adult could have prevented your torture? Are you angry that no adult intervened to stop your martyrdom? I am really disappointed. My personal conclusion is to never get children. This world is way too cruel. Especially with my bad genes this idea would be in my opinion very dangerous. Moreover I am not even able to manage my own life.
I recently watched this anti-suicide music video of the rapper Logic. I almost cried. Yeah I would liked to be saved but it is not that simple as they show it in this video. At least for me I struggle with problems which are very very difficult to solve. And probably they will lead to my future suicide. In this music video a (sports) teacher intervenes and helps the teenager who struggles with bullying and discrimination.
It reminded me of my teachers. Most of them were not helpful especially they did not help against bullies. I can remember a bully of mine insulted me a lot (today I would not give a shit) and I hit him. I should have done that way more often. But I was always scared about the punishments of the teachers. Due to the violence of my mom I have never learned to defend myself. Because always when I defended myself against my mom her punishment just got worse and more cruel. When I defended myself against the bully the teacher was on the side of my bully. After my teacher disciplined me my bully laughed about me and insulted me even worse. This was all so cynical. Furthermore when the teachers were not around they often beated me up.
I injured me one time very badly during a sports lesson. Everybody laughed about me. My teacher said nothing and acted more or less that I am just too stupid to run properly. I suffered a lot of pain due to that injury and on top of that everybody laughed at me.
When I developed my sever mental illness several years later many teachers also learned about it. Their reactions were quite very heterogeneous. Some of them truely were empathetic and supportive. Some did not judge me I can still remember them and I really appreciated it. But there also were other fractions. Many had no idea about my abuse etc. and what caused my illness. They were judgemental and acted like it was my fault that I got mentally ill. These people did not know anything about my biography and still some of them left really stupid comments.
One of the worst reactions came from one teacher who always disliked me. Many teachers disliked me because I was a careerist. Of course they did not know that my mom raised me to be one of them and honestly these people judge without knowing any backstory. This teacher laughed at me when I met him after my time in clinic. I can still remember his stupid laughing face. However he stopped laughing when he recognized that I am in real severe pain.
I just wished any adults would have intervened during my torture. Most teachers really really suck when they have to deal with bullies. Some just don't give any fuck or make it even worse. At least this is my experience. I don't really have any solution for it. Maybe they need a better training but there will always be bullies.
I think I showed signs of being abused in school a lot. Especially in primary school it was so fucking obvious that I am in real pain. Everyone thought my mom would be a saint because at the outside she always acted like a mom who would really care about their children. But I think many other parents knew about the abuse. It was so obvious I cried every single day in school. I almost collapsed every single day when I was really young. Fucking noone intervened. My mom always threatened me not to tell anyone about the abuse. My mom acted like a fucking psychopath.
One time my sister could not handle it anymore and broke down at the birthday of a school friend. She told his mom that my mom beated us. Noone did something against it. At least this mom really judged my mom with disdain. Rightfully so! But damn any of these adults should have called the police. Another relative of mine also was abused my her parents. She broke down in school and opened up about it to her teachers. Yeah my mom was proud of me I never did that. I can remember one time a teacher asked us whether our parents hit us at least one time. I was extremely scared when she asked that. My mom always threatened me. I was in a real dilemma. I raised my hand beneath my table so scared I was.
My mom is a monster. Now she regrets everything and feels really sorry. But only a monster can treat a child like that. And my dad is and always was an ignorant jerk who did not do anything against it. This is the man who says how incompetent most other peoples are. My parents are pathetic. Only scum abuses a child. There is absolutely no excuse for that.
Do you think any adult could have prevented your torture? Are you angry that no adult intervened to stop your martyrdom? I am really disappointed. My personal conclusion is to never get children. This world is way too cruel. Especially with my bad genes this idea would be in my opinion very dangerous. Moreover I am not even able to manage my own life.
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