Same. Silence = instant panic. If I don't have YouTube, a podcast, or a movie playing at all times, I'm done for, the PTSD takes over instantly. I bring my phone everywhere I go, can't even use the bathroom without it. Absolutely must have a distraction at all times, otherwise I am not safe in my own brain. I hate it so much, it is an absolutely insane and miserable prison of a life. Total meditative silence in the forest used to be my happy place, and now I am a dysfunctional traumatized creature with bacteria that have infected my brain and taken it over.