Venting Constant battles

[Cheshirecatx]

Hi all,

I left the forum a few months ago following a hospital admission from trying to ctb. I was very unwell mentally and I had all resources taken away.

Several months later, I'm back, with more resources than ever and more intent than ever. I had my SN seized a year ago, which destroyed me mentally. Since then, I have come away from all my friends, family and have managed to avoid further interventions.

I am still intending to ctb soon, just with less concerns raised. It shouldn't be much longer than a few weeks from now maximum.

I'd love to have a few people to talk to in general throughout this time, it's a lonely world for someone with thoughts like ours. I appreciate you all.

Take care.
-E

 

[Huntfish34]

I'm sorry to hear about that,. And yes it can be a very lonely world sadly. I've distanced myself from many of my friends / family lately.

Thoughts and prayers to you -

 

[deathbydragon]

Hospital imprisonment never ceases to fail.
It's a sad, lonely world for sure.

 

[Of The Universe]

Well,as I am all alone,I don't have to distance myself from anybody! When the time comes,its sayonara...suckers!!

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[TheWood]

Were you saved because someone found you?

 

[Cheshirecatx]

Were you saved because someone found you?

Unfortunately, yes.
I also then had a friend strip my bedroom for items and notify my parents, police and mental health team whilst I was in hospital. It means I haven't had any opportunity as the slightest change in mood or emotion they watch me like a hawk. Recently, have avoided such interactions but my area is incredibly difficult to proceed with plans in the outdoor regions.

I intend to hang in the future, but when scoping my local woodlands found finding a good location very hard. I'm definitely more hopeful that my next attempt will be successful however accessing said locations is also very difficult.

Since July last year (from my ctb attempt) I have had no interactions as such, so hopefully the future has a clear direction. Only time shall tell.

 

[Skullomania]

I too found the sn last year. My parents found out. Fortunately, being careless, they did not report this thing and did not push me to go to the psychiatrist
I hope to make it this time, the idea of failing and having to go to psychiatry is very distressing to me.
I'm sorry for what you went through and what you are going through.

 

[Cheshirecatx]

I too found the sn last year. My parents found out. Fortunately, being careless, they did not report this thing and did not push me to go to the psychiatrist
I hope to make it this time, the idea of failing and having to go to psychiatry is very distressing to me.
I'm sorry for what you went through and what you are going through.

The SN situation broke me. I found out via the forums that the police were searching homes who had bought it. Unfortunately I had and ended up having it seized. It broke me into so many pieces to lose it but I also didn't want to risk being stopped further.

Psychiatry is a slippery slope. I'm convinced the whole system is corrupt and deluded, it's all some sort of scheme. I don't buy into it anymore for a moment. Medications make us so incredibly unwell and unable to function and being in a hospital environment only leads to worsening issues. I completely understand why you'd be distressed by even the thought.

I am also sorry that you are going through this. It is a pain I cannot even justify with words anymore.

I feel like I worried too much before, like I hesitated. I won't be making that mistake again.

I hope that your situation is as best as can be given the circumstance.