Considering rushing my suicide

[JudasIscariot]

There's a lot of things I'd like to do before my suicide but all of those things seem irrelevant now. It doesn't even matter anyway, because these things would only matter if I would have the experience of not being able to see them, but in death I will not. Death is nothingness in my opinion. I'm seeking to die on perhaps a certain date, and such an opportunity will not come again. Maybe that's just too symbolic and irrelevant. My biggest regret is trusting anyone.

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

I get it, all the other long term goals loose their relevance after you decide to commit to the ctb plan.

 

[orca87]

Don't rush! The last thing you want to happen is permanent physical damage on top of it, but that would be the most likely outcome of a rushed attempt!

 

[NotWiseEnough]

I've had similar feelings, like why should I wait another day or another week? But the last thing you want is to be disturbed or wake up with permanent damage.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

The anxiety caused by someone possibly finding your method is fucking horrible, so I get it. I'm sorry you trusted someone with this kind of info and they betrayed you. I would never forgive someone for doing that to me.

If you're certain that this is the right choice, then be careful not to rush through the actual process of it. Good luck.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

please don't rush anything. I understand what you mean but if you are going to ctb at least make the most out. I can't pm yet but as soon as I can please feel free to contact me. Please stay.

Absolute half hearted and cringe.

 

[JudasIscariot]

I get it, all the other long term goals loose their relevance after you decide to commit to the ctb plan.

Right, although I do have some regret about missing out on these things. However, any feeling I have is completely useless, because in death there are no feelings, no regrets, no happiness. Just nothing. In the past I've attempted suicide when I have not been too busy; the reason for this is because it is such an awful thing to survive an attempt with so many things to complete (i.e. work, appointments) but this not feasible now. I am considerately busy.

Don't rush! The last thing you want to happen is permanent physical damage on top of it, but that would be the most likely outcome of a rushed attempt!

Thanks, yeah my method is pretty reliable but I still need to do some research. Rushing is never good. How ironic that pro-lifers and preventionists are actually PUSHING people towards suicide by forcibly taking methods from people. When will they understand that the removal of methods only increases suicidal tendencies? I get so sick of having to educate professionals.

I've had similar feelings, like why should I wait another day or another week? But the last thing you want is to be disturbed or wake up with permanent damage.

I agree. Suspicion seems to be raised and I do not want to be stopped. Good thing I have locks and barricades. By the time anyone were to discover me, I'd be long gone. I'm sorry you can relate. It's an awful thing to be in the throes of.

The anxiety caused by someone possibly finding your method is fucking horrible, so I get it. I'm sorry you trusted someone with this kind of info and they betrayed you. I would never forgive someone for doing that to me.

If you're certain that this is the right choice, then be careful not to rush through the actual process of it. Good luck.

Thank you for your kind reply. I'm sorry you can relate. I've been reflecting and thinking how trusting anyone has never really gotten me anywhere. It just leaves me more vulnerable. Sure, there are good short-term effects. But relationships always seem to get destroyed. Maybe my fault? I am not one to avoid responsibility. I am so angry and irate. People are so selfish. I feel like I need to kill myself now or I'll never get the chance to. Suicide people can only depend on one another, at least regarding mental health issues and feelings of suicide.
I hate how SS is called a cult. Really? Do we restrict access to methods of comfort and support? Do we imprison people for being emotional? Pro-lifers and preventionists are the real fucking cults, they literally fit cult models. I'm certain suicide is the right choice, but I was hoping to have more time to plan. I used to hope that my family wouldn't be too traumatized or whatever, and I still hope they won't be, but I would like for everyone to recognize their fault in this situation. Maybe that's just selfish and vengeful of me. Anyway, thanks again.

Absolute half hearted and cringe.

Agreed. As if the pleas of a stranger could make me want to stay in this disgusting world. I'm very glad that SS promptly bans such users.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's true that the eternity of nothingness can make existence seem so meaningless in comparison. I think that it's the only relief how everything is forgotten about in death, death is finally freedom from this futile struggle that only leads to us ceasing to exist anyway.

 

[JudasIscariot]

It's true that the eternity of nothingness can make existence seem so meaningless in comparison. I think that it's the only relief how everything is forgotten about in death, death is finally freedom from this futile struggle that only leads to us ceasing to exist anyway.

I agree, absolutely. Death is absolutely freedom. I won't lie and say I'm unafraid. But what's comforting is that there won't be anything at all, I won't even know I'm dead. How selfish it is to procreate only for those born to end up dying. So selfish of humans. Other animals do it purely out of evolutionary instinct and survival. Humans too, in a sense, though we possess a consciousness. How anyone makes such stupid decisions with our advanced consciousness is totally beyond me. At least I can relax knowing death is near and inevitable for me anyway.

 

[bobblong]

While i do agree death is freedom , I would suggest doing a bucket list of what you want to do before death , like getting laid , dining at a 5 star restaurant , eating caviar ...etc. So you can go with zero regrets.

 

[JudasIscariot]

While i do agree death is freedom , I would suggest doing a bucket list of what you want to do before death , like getting laid , dining at a 5 star restaurant , eating caviar ...etc. So you can go with zero regrets.

Good ideas. The only problem is that such endeavors I have in mind are not available until certain dates, thus delaying my suicide, which normally would be fine, except I feel I am being rushed. I don't imagine I'll feel much regret when completing suicide, except for hurting my loved ones and not making my suicide note more in-depth, lol. There's a lot of things I wish I could do, but I've known I never could, not fully, and recent circumstances have just confirmed this further. Post-death there are no feelings, so I only agonize over such things whilst being conscious.

 

[JudasIscariot]

There's no reason to rush. It's never too late to catch the bus, friend

Very true, I just worry my method will be discovered and then I will be trapped again. I was doing fine before this shit betrayal. Why the hell don't pro-lifers realize they often put vulnerable people in danger? So angering. Layne Staley from Alice in Chains said in the song "Junkhead" that "You can't understand a user's mind, but try with your books and degrees, if you let yourself go and opened your mind, I'll bet you'd be doing like me." It always stuck with me. I feel like a lot of professionals just LOVE the power imbalance and torturing people. I'm so fucking sick of it. But I really appreciate your kind comment. I wasn't even planning actively but now I feel like I have to. I hate this fucking wretched existence.

 

[JudasIscariot]

If you want, you can tell us your method and we can advise you on how to hide it since I read your other post. I agree that having a method makes life tolerable. It emboldens me to live. My method is disguised as a household object.

I would rather us help advise you on how to hide your method, rather than have you rush into an irreversible decision

Thanks for your offer. I have a great hiding place that is not visible to anyone even when exposed. Basically, it is in an enclosed space that is not visible to anyone. Even when exposed it is hidden. Fortunately for me, I'm a quicker thinker and my family would never think to look in its space. I'm tempted to peel apart the floorboards and hide it there, but such floors are old and probably would not pry up. I also do not have the tools to do so. I worry if I was forced to suicide that I would not be able to take the final steps to do so. I'd have to though. I am NOT willing to live without a method. I have been in immense peace since obtaining my method. SS and some close to me are the only ones that understand, and I'm very glad to have these resources. Thanks for your help.

 

[Valky]

Agreed. As if the pleas of a stranger could make me want to stay in this disgusting world. I'm very glad that SS promptly bans such users.

I am sorry if I hurt you. I understand your reaction and that I have no right to judge in any way.

I wish you all the Best