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alpacasuitcase
Member
- Jan 22, 2021
- 46
Hey. I'd like to pick yall's brains on something.
I find it helps me file and sort and make sense of my thoughts if I type them out. The soundboard factor is just bonus.
I was originally considering waiting until late March. To be petty and vindictive and kill myself on my wedding anniversary because my husband walked away out of the blue after 16 years.
But that doesn't feel right. Honestly it never felt right. I knew but didn't care.
Anyway, just for the record, I'm not doing it because of my husband, necessarily. He was just the one keeping my fire lit, he gave me love for the first time in my life. Things to live for. Potential. Happiness. While I've wanted to die for my entire life, I've waffled on whether or not I actually want to kill myself for the last 20 years or so. Attempting seriously 3 times with one cry for help attempt a few years ago.
I got off on a sidetrack, sorry.
I guess the point of this post is:
Should I move my date up so that I a) get peace/relief/OUT sooner. And b) aren't that bitch who kills herself on her anniversary out of spite?
I'd have to wait until the end of feb regardless, to avoid being too close to someone I love's birthday.
Method: SN, haven't ordered AE but am in the process. Might not wait for them though. I drank 8oz of water that had 74 crushed percocet dissolved in it and kept it down for over an hour... I don't think vomiting too early will be an issue for me with something as quick as SN. I also have beta blockers already prescribed to me for tachycardia ;)
I might go the overkill route of partial suspension via 1/2in marina rope and pull up bar (which I have already). You know, head in noose when I drink it. so when I go unconscious I'll automatically lean into the rope.
I've got my time delay email written and individual words for specific people written as well. I just need to write the contacts and other necessary info down on a physical notebook to leave for the police. (Hotel)
This is so freaking long, I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind. I've had my psych meds doubled and am still 100% sure I'm done on this earth. And I do have a stable therapist for years now.
I don't have it in me to start over again, and I simply am not even interested in doing it anyway.
I find it helps me file and sort and make sense of my thoughts if I type them out. The soundboard factor is just bonus.
I was originally considering waiting until late March. To be petty and vindictive and kill myself on my wedding anniversary because my husband walked away out of the blue after 16 years.
But that doesn't feel right. Honestly it never felt right. I knew but didn't care.
Anyway, just for the record, I'm not doing it because of my husband, necessarily. He was just the one keeping my fire lit, he gave me love for the first time in my life. Things to live for. Potential. Happiness. While I've wanted to die for my entire life, I've waffled on whether or not I actually want to kill myself for the last 20 years or so. Attempting seriously 3 times with one cry for help attempt a few years ago.
I got off on a sidetrack, sorry.
I guess the point of this post is:
Should I move my date up so that I a) get peace/relief/OUT sooner. And b) aren't that bitch who kills herself on her anniversary out of spite?
I'd have to wait until the end of feb regardless, to avoid being too close to someone I love's birthday.
Method: SN, haven't ordered AE but am in the process. Might not wait for them though. I drank 8oz of water that had 74 crushed percocet dissolved in it and kept it down for over an hour... I don't think vomiting too early will be an issue for me with something as quick as SN. I also have beta blockers already prescribed to me for tachycardia ;)
I might go the overkill route of partial suspension via 1/2in marina rope and pull up bar (which I have already). You know, head in noose when I drink it. so when I go unconscious I'll automatically lean into the rope.
I've got my time delay email written and individual words for specific people written as well. I just need to write the contacts and other necessary info down on a physical notebook to leave for the police. (Hotel)
This is so freaking long, I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind. I've had my psych meds doubled and am still 100% sure I'm done on this earth. And I do have a stable therapist for years now.
I don't have it in me to start over again, and I simply am not even interested in doing it anyway.