Ordered sn. Feeling like shit tbh.
I've already failed in April. Was desperate after the breakup and tried to od with some pharmaceutical stuff which contains phenobarbital. After this I got sectioned for a month. My fucked up family did everything they could to keep me locked as long as possible. I was literally in hell, was forced to take poisonous meds because of which my whole body was hurting as fuck, I couldn't even move adequately. Moreover used to sleep in one room with schizos, mad cunts who was running through the ward naked and wash their hands in a pot full of shit, vegetables and other untermenschen.
If I fail again or even do some other shit which my dad wouldn't like, he'll have a great chance to commit me for a fucking 6 months of this hell. And he'll definitely not miss that great opportunity. If he does this, Josephs Mengele from the local asylum will turn me into a vegetable for these 6 months. Even now i'm feeling the fucking consequences of the psych ward resort, they are noticeable as fuck even for strangers.
I can't even imagine the hell i'll face if sn doesn't work or some other shit happens. Was planning to take it being on the top floor of the abandoned building in order to jump if something go wrong. Still full of doubt. 9th floor. It is not a guarantee. What if I become a disabled?
Whatever I will do, I have only 3 possible results: being dead or becoming a vegetable - maybe because of the injury, maybe because of the involuntary commitment. Nobody will help me, cause everyone I knew betrayed me after that fail. (Lol, chem shop sent me a confirmation email while I was typing this). However now i'm scared as fuck. I don't give a fuck about the purity of sn, I don't really trust that shop. This constant threat of commitment leaves me no chance to recover or even to leave peacefully with no fear of this hell repeats. The worst thing which can ever happen.
My life is already fucked up but I really can't imagine the hell it may turn into after failure.
I've already failed in April. Was desperate after the breakup and tried to od with some pharmaceutical stuff which contains phenobarbital. After this I got sectioned for a month. My fucked up family did everything they could to keep me locked as long as possible. I was literally in hell, was forced to take poisonous meds because of which my whole body was hurting as fuck, I couldn't even move adequately. Moreover used to sleep in one room with schizos, mad cunts who was running through the ward naked and wash their hands in a pot full of shit, vegetables and other untermenschen.
If I fail again or even do some other shit which my dad wouldn't like, he'll have a great chance to commit me for a fucking 6 months of this hell. And he'll definitely not miss that great opportunity. If he does this, Josephs Mengele from the local asylum will turn me into a vegetable for these 6 months. Even now i'm feeling the fucking consequences of the psych ward resort, they are noticeable as fuck even for strangers.
I can't even imagine the hell i'll face if sn doesn't work or some other shit happens. Was planning to take it being on the top floor of the abandoned building in order to jump if something go wrong. Still full of doubt. 9th floor. It is not a guarantee. What if I become a disabled?
Whatever I will do, I have only 3 possible results: being dead or becoming a vegetable - maybe because of the injury, maybe because of the involuntary commitment. Nobody will help me, cause everyone I knew betrayed me after that fail. (Lol, chem shop sent me a confirmation email while I was typing this). However now i'm scared as fuck. I don't give a fuck about the purity of sn, I don't really trust that shop. This constant threat of commitment leaves me no chance to recover or even to leave peacefully with no fear of this hell repeats. The worst thing which can ever happen.
My life is already fucked up but I really can't imagine the hell it may turn into after failure.
