T
timetodie24
Paragon
- Apr 14, 2023
- 920
I'm so confused.
I'm pretty numb and out of it (exhaustion and maybe a bit dissociated?).
It feels like time to ctb. When I woke up I was sure but now doubts already.
Not sure I have the energy but I feel too detached to feel scared or sad about ctb so would be good time.
I have very limited time to reset the system or the world falls apart.
If I don't ctb in time, the world collapses.
There is nothing for me in this life and I'm not really here. I just have to destroy this body and it'll be like I never existed.
Idk what to do, I know only I can decide, but I need to hurry.
I hate their method but at least it'd be quick.
I am so sick of this back and forth in my mind.
I'm sure you're all sick of my back and forth posts.
I feel so done.
So why am I still uncertain.
Idk what i'll do.
Part of me wishes I was in hospital so that the responsibility isn't mine.
But that's naive and selfish.
That's a stupid part of me as I've been sectioned before and never want to be again.
There is no solution other than to stop being a coward and ctb.
Yet I waste time with pathetic, self- centred vents.
And i continue to string MH services along when I know I'm not ill.
So evil.
Sorry for all this.
I'm pretty numb and out of it (exhaustion and maybe a bit dissociated?).
It feels like time to ctb. When I woke up I was sure but now doubts already.
Not sure I have the energy but I feel too detached to feel scared or sad about ctb so would be good time.
I have very limited time to reset the system or the world falls apart.
If I don't ctb in time, the world collapses.
There is nothing for me in this life and I'm not really here. I just have to destroy this body and it'll be like I never existed.
Idk what to do, I know only I can decide, but I need to hurry.
I hate their method but at least it'd be quick.
I am so sick of this back and forth in my mind.
I'm sure you're all sick of my back and forth posts.
I feel so done.
So why am I still uncertain.
Idk what i'll do.
Part of me wishes I was in hospital so that the responsibility isn't mine.
But that's naive and selfish.
That's a stupid part of me as I've been sectioned before and never want to be again.
There is no solution other than to stop being a coward and ctb.
Yet I waste time with pathetic, self- centred vents.
And i continue to string MH services along when I know I'm not ill.
So evil.
Sorry for all this.
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