confused

[kittyloverxd]

well first things first, my urge to ctb has gone down so thats good but the way i do so is distract myself... and i distract myself in form of self harm, masturbation or just spend 12h studying

i don't want to feel like this anymore, i miss my first ever girlfriend, i miss my friends, i miss who i used to be, i feel like i've missed out on a lot of stuff i could've been spending but instead i'm either relapsing to one of my addictions that i told myself i'd stop doing yesterday or studying so much that it feels like i'm going bald

i don't really wanna harm myself anymore, i don't wanna watch anymore porn, i don't wanna feel numb but at the same time i don't wanna feel anything i don't want to feel anymore negative emotions thankfully i don't have to leave my bed to study i really hope i can finish studying soon so i can hopefully make good money and try to get my life back on track.. sometimes the urge to ctb spikes and sometimes i just want to be left all alone so i can watch all of the pokemon episodes but i can't because i have to study and if i don't study then bad thoughts come up and that's when the addictions come back and i don't like doing them

thank you reading this hopefully you guys have had a good day so far :D

 

[fromange]

You're better than me studying. Props to you.