Discussion Compliments make me so uncomfortable

[derpyderpins]

A couple of the higher-ups at my firm said some nice things about me yesterday. Then someone told me because of that that they were proud of me. That always just makes me feel like shit.

I don't believe it. I understand that stepping back and looking at things objectively I'm doing alright, but I know how much I waste time and how lazy I am. 'If people just realized that they wouldn't think so well of me' = my brain's message. I just have this built-in anxiety and reflex to assume something bad is coming, and any success will be short lived.

I know that if someone else had this issue I would tell them nice stuff about bell curves and how I'm being too hard on myself and I'd step back and look at things objectively; and I would be right. But it's hard to get rid of invasive thoughts. Once you've bought the false reality for so long it's very hard to break. I should be a little more patient with people.

 

[untothedepths]

I don't work at a firm, hell, I'm pretty sure I'm not intelligent enough to do 99% of college-level or career based jobs. But, I know from my own experiences I feel this a lot. I used to be able to enjoy compliments from others when I was much younger. Around the age of ten and up though, everytime I would receive one from third parties, my mother would sure to tell me "Don't think so much of yourself" "You aren't shit" - things like that. When it comes from your parent you absorb everything as a kid, so I began to refute compliments, which drove potential friends away. I eventually just learned to nod and fake a smile hearing it but it makes my spine chill to hear a compliment. I become quite uncomfortable. I'll breeze over words I assume are compliments. And worse, same with concern people have for me. If people show me they care, I isolate more. I know what I am, I know my worth. Everytime it sounds like lies.

edit: Those on Sasu who have shown me kindness, thank you. I do appreciate it despite my "natural" emotion. I don't know it if makes sense or not.

 

[derpyderpins]

I don't work at a firm, hell, I'm pretty sure I'm not intelligent enough to do 99% of college-level or career based jobs. But, I know from my own experiences I feel this a lot. I used to be able to enjoy compliments from others when I was much younger. Around the age of ten and up though, everytime I would receive one from third parties, my mother would sure to tell me "Don't think so much of yourself" "You aren't shit" - things like that. When it comes from your parent you absorb everything as a kid, so I began to refute compliments, which drove potential friends away. I eventually just learned to nod and fake a smile hearing it but it makes my spine chill to hear a compliment. I become quite uncomfortable. I'll breeze over words I assume are compliments. And worse, same with concern people have for me. If people show me they care, I isolate more. I know what I am, I know my worth. Everytime it sounds like lies.

Thanks for the response. It's nice to know womeone understands.

My mother would always say I was wonderful and whatnot, but if I messed up or did something wrong her switch flipped and she'd scream at me, sometimes for hours. So, while your mom just directly put you down, my mom would say nice things but then make it clear it wasn't really how she felt and that I could never relax. It's awful how parents fuck us up one way or another.

I can't hide it at all that I don't like being complimented. I say thanks, but I'll pretty much always break eye contact and look down.

 

[xinino]

You are the smartest person in this forum, I have ever seen. Fr

 

[derpyderpins]

You are the smartest person in this forum, I have ever seen. Fr

dick

(lol)

 

[xinino]

dick

(lol)

I love you

 

[derpyderpins]

I love you

I don't think it will work. We don't have enough in common. See, I hate me. I can't be with someone who loves me.

 

[carac]

I always feel bad after someone compliments me because I don't know how to respond so I almost just ignore them. So then I feel bad for not accepting it and I feel like I made them feel ignored.

 

[derpyderpins]

I always feel bad after someone compliments me because I don't know how to respond so I almost just ignore them. So then I feel bad for not accepting it and I feel like I made them feel ignored.

I definitely get that. I think I'm pretty good at navigating social situations and I don't even really know what the right response is. I'm at something like "hey thanks for saying that" so the possibility is there that they were just being nice.

 

[AlexYaBoy]

You look great, today

Have you lost weight?

 

[leloyon]

Hey, man, you're killing it! You're doing great!

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I too hate compliments, especially since I've never ever fully believed a single one of them when directed at me. For me, I know they can't objectively be true but people really do mean they'll because they're just too misinformed to know how wrong they are about me.

I can't help but want to retort any compliments but I learned a while ago that people like you better when you don't contradict what they say so these days I just try to take them even though I don't believe they are ever true. Sometimes they still feel good even when they are wrong.