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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
5,841
I know I sound like a scientist here lol. I often compare myself with others. In media I hear often about celebrities who have commited suicide even though they had a beautiful partner and a lot of money/ success. I ask mysel if I would still ctb if I lived in a similar position. The problem here is mental/ or other health conditions cannot really be compared. I don't know in which hell they lived. I fear poverty/ loneliness in my future and these are big reasons for my suicide. Still I am not sure if my wish to die would disappear if I had money/ partner .It would improve my life a lot but I am not fully sure if it would stop me from ctb.
I mean people in Africa would also think how can someone who always has electriciy/ food and a smartphone ctb due to poverty. In the western world I will in some years belong to the very poor people and I think this will kill me. I think the fall is for most people pretty hard and they cannot cope with that. I never was rich but I also never was poor. For a millionaire suddenly living with 3000 bucks a month must be horrible. For me it would be awesome.
Moreover my loneliness will increase over the years when my family dies. There are so many forshadowings that I will ctb.
 
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western_heart

western_heart

trying to save ourself
May 23, 2021
622
I am broke and not working, having mostly middle class friends and family. My career is over and I am wary of finding something else to do. I have a lot of trauma and anxiety to overcome. I used to make really good money and to go from that to zero income really hurts. Going from having a nice car to nothing also hurts.

Not having money makes me want to CTB. Seeing all my friends have nice things makes me a bit jealous, but moreso inadequate because I can't afford anything. I don't have a car and that really hurts. I will get a little bit of money to buy a used one soon but in the meantime, I'm too ashamed to even ask to borrow someone else's.

I have sufficient support in my life to not CTB for now. I think my family will continue to provide food and shelter as long as they are able.
 
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alwaysSuffering

alwaysSuffering

Member
May 29, 2021
42
I have a great career, own my own house, boat, etc. I'm in the upper income bracket for my metropolitan area but I'm not rich. But I've always been miserable. I have bought everything I've ever wanted and worked hard for it: cars, boat, house, etc. thinking that these things would bring me happiness but they never have. Maybe a moment of excitement but not happiness.

I've been lonely my whole life. I can't seem to form close bonds with humans. I'm sure this stems from how I was treated by my family. I've longed for companionship my entire life and always wanted to "fit in" somewhere and be accepted. I attract very dangerous/predatory type men so I've been the victim of several abusers, felons, and even 2 registered sex offenders. No amount of therapy or research has fixed this (been in therapy over 15 years).

I, too, am always amazed by the celebrities who kill themselves. Not because they're rich but because they have soooo many people who love and adore them. That's what I can't understand. I don't understand how they can be so unhappy when they have spouses and children who love them and tons of friends and fans.
 
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western_heart

western_heart

trying to save ourself
May 23, 2021
622
I, too, am always amazed by the celebrities who kill themselves. Not because they're rich but because they have soooo many people who love and adore them. That's what I can't understand. I don't understand how they can be so unhappy when they have spouses and children who love them and tons of friends and fans.
Have you watched BoJack Horseman? It's a fictional adult cartoon on Netflix that touches on those themes.
 
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BlankUser

Mage
Apr 24, 2021
501
I have no education. I didn't even graduate. I only had part time jobs and I'm fully dependant on my boyfriend.
 
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