Wanted to warn others/share my experience. Drove out to a deserted lake about 30 min from home at 3 am. Lit one of those "instant bbq" kits where you light the starter, it it flames a while and then it turns into hot coals in a disposable pan you can cook on.
Smoked a cigarette and took two benzos and two nausea pills while the flames died down, then put it in my car on a cooking sheet as not to damage the front seat of car.
Listen to music and start getting sleepy. It is horribly uncomfortable, like the car is really hot and claustrophobic but not too bad other than a slight odor that eventually goes away.
Well I pass out at some point because next thing I know survival instinct must have kicked in and I'm sitting on the ground outside of car choking and gasping. Everything is spinning. I can't face getting back in there since I'm fully awake now and I know co poisoning while awake is hell. I use my EMT training… antidote to co is oxygen (100 percent ideally) but I focus on just deep breaths of air until finally everything is spinning less. I ditch the bbq thing in the lake, air out car and somehow drive home and sleep for like 2 days.
Have felt really "off" lately, had migraines and dizziness for a few days later. Been reading that in 80 percent of CO poisoning, there is delayed brain damage so kind of freaked out. Been having insane dreams about death, alternate universes, burning coals.
I wish I could have done it at home but my landlord lives above me and would flip out if she smelt it or saw the flames from the coals being lit. I think the issue was such a small space. Would have been nicer to lie in bed and have time to pass out before CO levels get too high for life. My mistake was I didn't pass out all the way. And that damn survival instinct in my stupid reptilian brain.
My father asked "what I wanted." Right now I don't work, I don't do anything, 100 percent isolated. Honestly only things I can think of are death. A trip to Vegas before I die. A painless death. A good dirty martini. To finish the sopranos finally. Even if I could have everything, the things I REALLY want i.e. the person I love and a child … that is out of realm of possibility. I hate my life as it is and I have tried changing it and it is just a crappy variation of the same crappy life. I don't care. I will lie in this bed until I die.
Anyways anyone else have experience surviving an attempt and no one knowing about it and having to figure out what to do next?
Smoked a cigarette and took two benzos and two nausea pills while the flames died down, then put it in my car on a cooking sheet as not to damage the front seat of car.
Listen to music and start getting sleepy. It is horribly uncomfortable, like the car is really hot and claustrophobic but not too bad other than a slight odor that eventually goes away.
Well I pass out at some point because next thing I know survival instinct must have kicked in and I'm sitting on the ground outside of car choking and gasping. Everything is spinning. I can't face getting back in there since I'm fully awake now and I know co poisoning while awake is hell. I use my EMT training… antidote to co is oxygen (100 percent ideally) but I focus on just deep breaths of air until finally everything is spinning less. I ditch the bbq thing in the lake, air out car and somehow drive home and sleep for like 2 days.
Have felt really "off" lately, had migraines and dizziness for a few days later. Been reading that in 80 percent of CO poisoning, there is delayed brain damage so kind of freaked out. Been having insane dreams about death, alternate universes, burning coals.
I wish I could have done it at home but my landlord lives above me and would flip out if she smelt it or saw the flames from the coals being lit. I think the issue was such a small space. Would have been nicer to lie in bed and have time to pass out before CO levels get too high for life. My mistake was I didn't pass out all the way. And that damn survival instinct in my stupid reptilian brain.
My father asked "what I wanted." Right now I don't work, I don't do anything, 100 percent isolated. Honestly only things I can think of are death. A trip to Vegas before I die. A painless death. A good dirty martini. To finish the sopranos finally. Even if I could have everything, the things I REALLY want i.e. the person I love and a child … that is out of realm of possibility. I hate my life as it is and I have tried changing it and it is just a crappy variation of the same crappy life. I don't care. I will lie in this bed until I die.
Anyways anyone else have experience surviving an attempt and no one knowing about it and having to figure out what to do next?
