celestialsnowangel
New Member
- Aug 30, 2024
- 2
i am completely emotionally reliant on my boyfriend, despite the fact that we have only been together for 6 months or so. when i have the liberty of thinking freely (i am under crushing financial pressure), he is the only thing on my mind. i live for him. in terms of relying on intense connections to keep on going, i have always been like this, just not this acutely. i owe it all to my deadbeat father, and the kind of paternal tenderness my boyfriend has provided me obviously psychologically lines up perfectly with that. he is everything to me. he has shown me the love and kindness that i previously figured human beings were incapable of. he has no idea that i am this weak of a person, nor does he have any clue as to where i'm at mentally. i'm pretty sure that i've sold him a persona. the qualities that claims to admire about me consist of "hard-working", "strong" and the like. if he were to ever leave me, i'd promptly go on to ctb. i see that as a highly likely possibility, as we are both young, in a long distance relationship, and i'm not very attractive; we're statistically doomed in every sense. he is WAY out of my league and i'm not entirely sure what he is doing with me, but i believe that the delirium will naturally wear off soon, probably around the point in which we are intimate for the first time (something i have been averse to due to sexual trauma and my being unsatisfied with the state of my own body) or when a more befitting mate walks into his life. i am going to take precautions to prepare for this event.