raindrops
Someday, eventually
- Mar 29, 2020
- 447
I'm sat here thinking wow Christmas is near! I use to worry about Christmas but now I'm sorta depressed I haven't given it any thought at all. I use to want decorations, the best gifts, gingerbread house making with the one you love, you know all those cute cheesy things that you do together with your partner.
I can remember the day I was a perfectionist I'd worry about these things I mentioned, well, I mostly worried about what I'll receive, what will I get was always on my mind.. to think that's how I use to think makes me sick. Now I'm not worried or bothered about gifts.
This year the one thing that will get to me is looking at couples and families shop, not because they're buying gifts, it's the fact they're all together or have each other that will make me feel like utter shit.
It will be just me and my grandmother at Christmas, I am grateful but I wish now when I had my own place I invited her round more, I wish I visited my so called partners parents more, especially when they would invite me for dinner at xmas I wish I went, instead I'd let him go alone while I stayed indoors, smoked weed and played xbox! I wish I wasn't so focused on myself at that time, I wish so badly I made the most of what I had...
I hope and want to achieve that love again.
I just want to spend the rest of my life making others happy, being loved and giving love is all I want, not materialistic things, I want to give love. I want to be with someone (him) instead of being locked in my room at my age, I wish I was in my own home.
Fuck Christmas.
I can remember the day I was a perfectionist I'd worry about these things I mentioned, well, I mostly worried about what I'll receive, what will I get was always on my mind.. to think that's how I use to think makes me sick. Now I'm not worried or bothered about gifts.
This year the one thing that will get to me is looking at couples and families shop, not because they're buying gifts, it's the fact they're all together or have each other that will make me feel like utter shit.
It will be just me and my grandmother at Christmas, I am grateful but I wish now when I had my own place I invited her round more, I wish I visited my so called partners parents more, especially when they would invite me for dinner at xmas I wish I went, instead I'd let him go alone while I stayed indoors, smoked weed and played xbox! I wish I wasn't so focused on myself at that time, I wish so badly I made the most of what I had...
I hope and want to achieve that love again.
I just want to spend the rest of my life making others happy, being loved and giving love is all I want, not materialistic things, I want to give love. I want to be with someone (him) instead of being locked in my room at my age, I wish I was in my own home.
Fuck Christmas.
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