Venting Christmas dream of suicide and hell.

[GoSan1]

Will probably be my last post, since I cant stand making posts like these. I don't even know why I'm posting this to begin with...

I hate Christmas, or rather Christmas on this world. I hate how after every year, none of my true wishes come true, and im left to realize right after that a new year starts and nothing will stop or come save me.

Right before going to bed my mother said I wouldnt go to hell when the topic kinda popped up for just a few seconds, I had to laugh...

Then I get a dream yesterday, of me shooting myself with a gun and going into some kind of hell. It was weird since I didn't see anything, but I was terrified and had a cold sweat. I also remember saying "I'm sorry, I do not hate Christmas" as not to fall into hell...

Seriously, I don't even know what to feel, a mix of anger, despair and wanting to actually kill myself now since why not? Clearly I'm destined for it.

A user on this forum showed me an interesting anime named Texhnolyze, and the ending song has really helped stay calm.

I hope your Christmases were better, but i doubt we would be here if they were. I know for sure i can't think straight anymore.

 

[EternalShore]

I'm sorry to hear about that with all your worries and how nothing ever gets better~ :( I wish things could get better for both of us~ :(
To try and assuage your worries if I can, even if you sewer slide, it doesn't mean you're going to hell~ In Christianity at least, God forgives sins including sewer slide~ Sewer slide is not the unforgivable sin~ One just needs to have faith in Jesus and His sacrifice for our sins on the cross~ :)

 

[GoSan1]

I'm sorry to hear about that with all your worries and how nothing ever gets better~ :( I wish things could get better for both of us~ :(
To try and assuage your worries if I can, even if you sewer slide, it doesn't mean you're going to hell~ In Christianity at least, God forgives sins including sewer slide~ Sewer slide is not the unforgivable sin~ One just needs to have faith in Jesus and His sacrifice for our sins on the cross~ :)

Thanks for the kind words, its aspiring to see one be so hopeful and energetic, even in this pain...

 

[EternalShore]

awww~ :3 you're welcome! <3 I hope it made you feel a bit better! hehe~ I never knew I was hopeful nor energetic, but I do try my best to be kind and console to the best of my ability! ^_^ your message is sooo sweet tho so thank you! >w<

 

[GoSan1]

awww~ :3 you're welcome! <3 I hope it made you feel a bit better! hehe~ I never knew I was hopeful nor energetic, but I do try my best to be kind and console to the best of my ability! ^_^ your message is sooo sweet tho so thank you! >w<

That is a good thing, in the short time where I was clear-minded, I too could be like that and wanted to, but with my current mental state that won't be possible, so it's nice to see it. Nothing to thank me for.

 

[EternalShore]

That is a good thing, in the short time where I was clear-minded, I too could be like that and wanted to, but with my current mental state that won't be possible, so it's nice to see it. Nothing to thank me for.

awww~ :( I'm sorry~ :( I wish things could be like that for you again! >_< where your like mental state is better, and you can do stuff well sometimes! :) Do you still have hopes and dreams for stuff? :)
I want a family myself in order to be happy, but trying and failing to get there causes me a lot of pain and hopelessness too~ :(

 

[GoSan1]

awww~ :( I'm sorry~ :( I wish things could be like that for you again! >_< where your like mental state is better, and you can do stuff well sometimes! :) Do you still have hopes and dreams for stuff? :)
I want a family myself in order to be happy, but trying and failing to get there causes me a lot of pain and hopelessness too~ :(

Of course, every human has dreams and wishes, and while true love would be one of them, the rest can't come true in this life... So basically hopeless unless god helps me... Your dream is a beautiful one, just do not rush it. Sadly love is dying out and one can find himself broken very fast...

 

[EternalShore]

Of course, every human has dreams and wishes, and while true love would be one of them, the rest can't come true in this life... So basically hopeless unless god helps me... Your dream is a beautiful one, just do not rush it. Sadly love is dying out and one can find himself broken very fast...

I'm sorry about that for you~ :( Same tho~ >_< It feels so far away and like I'll always be a little [and probably a lot more tbh :(] depressed, guilty, or sewer slidal unless God grants me a miracle and well... :( That has yet to happen and considering how much I've prayed for it, it doesn't feel like it will~ >_<
I can't wait for Heaven beyond this life, so everything can be perfect, and I can get a new heavenly body and stuff! :D

 

[GoSan1]

I'm sorry about that for you~ :( Same tho~ >_< It feels so far away and like I'll always be a little [and probably a lot more tbh :(] depressed, guilty, or sewer slidal unless God grants me a miracle and well... :( That has yet to happen and considering how much I've prayed for it, it doesn't feel like it will~ >_<
I can't wait for Heaven beyond this life, so everything can be perfect, and I can get a new heavenly body and stuff! :D

While I don't really like saying I'd go to heaven, since I'm a bad person, I still hope you reach it and get your dream fulfilled ^^

 

[EternalShore]

While I don't really like saying I'd go to heaven, since I'm a bad person, I still hope you reach it and get your dream fulfilled ^^

thank you! ^_^ Altho, I really do hope and pray that we both get to go! :D I may do bad things sometimes and may even be sinning constantly (idk! >_<), but this time of year, it's really important to remember that Jesus forgave us with His death on the cross of all of our sins~ :) so even if you do bad things sometimes, you can still be with Him~ :)

 

[GoSan1]

thank you! ^_^ Altho, I really do hope and pray that we both get to go! :D I may do bad things sometimes and may even be sinning constantly (idk! >_<), but this time of year, it's really important to remember that Jesus forgave us with His death on the cross of all of our sins~ :) so even if you do bad things sometimes, you can still be with Him~ :)

Sometimes would be nice, I am a terrible human being, which is ironic from what I truly want to be... So its sadly not just sometimes. Either way don't worry about me. You seem way to innocent tho lol.

Im going to bed tho, so good night or day wherever you're from.

 

[EternalShore]

Sometimes would be nice, I am a terrible human being, which is ironic from what I truly want to be... So its sadly not just sometimes. Either way don't worry about me. You seem way to innocent tho lol.

Im going to bed tho, so good night or day wherever you're from.

I'm sorry~ :( I wish you could be better~ >_< hehe~ I do try to be as much as I can in this polluted world at least! xD

Good night GoSan1! Sleep well! :3