Venting Choosing a method is so hard

[x22]

Outside of pain tolerance, SI and resource availability, so many options scare me. I can't handle touching or even thinking about my veins/arteries, and I hate the idea of something messing with my brain even if it leads to death. Which is very hypocritical; I'm on medication. I have plenty of places ideal for partial suspension, plus intermediate knot-tying skills. But the idea of losing blood circulation to my brain completely sickens me. I know that death literally is just not getting any blood to your brain but I don't want that even though I badly want to CTB. I know there isn't really a solution but it's so frustrating.

 

[TheHolySword]

SN may be ideal for you in this situation. I would recommend looking up the resources for it on this forum and see how you feel about it.

 

[x22]

SN may be ideal for you in this situation. I would recommend looking up the resources for it on this forum and see how you feel about it.

Thank you! I have been seriously considering it, though I would have to set up a PO box since I live at home.

 

[NegevChina]

Outside of pain tolerance, SI and resource availability, so many options scare me. I can't handle touching or even thinking about my veins/arteries, and I hate the idea of something messing with my brain even if it leads to death. Which is very hypocritical; I'm on medication. I have plenty of places ideal for partial suspension, plus intermediate knot-tying skills. But the idea of losing blood circulation to my brain completely sickens me. I know that death literally is just not getting any blood to your brain but I don't want that even though I badly want to CTB. I know there isn't really a solution but it's so frustrating.

I'm struggling with finding a method for months. Guess you need to feel so bad and cornered with no choice that will bring you to eventually choose a method.

 

[x22]

I'm struggling with finding a method for months. Guess you need to feel so bad and cornered with no choice that will bring you to eventually choose a method.

Yep. I know I'll get to that point eventually, but it could be a long time. Is a death without panic so much to ask for?

 

[NegevChina]

Yep. I know I'll get to that point eventually, but it could be a long time. Is a death without panic so much to ask for?

Every night for the last few months I've prayed to god not to wake up in the morning. That doesn't help. So I cant ask that even from god. I have to struggle to die in the easiest way possible. Didn't reach the point yet but I understand Ill have to suffer in some way.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I kinda relate. In my case, I chose drowning because I think it's the only method that I can access but looking more into it makes me think otherwise since there are so many ways in which it can go wrong. I hate at how dying is so difficult. I wouldn't have to worry about this shit if humans legalised euthanasia but, no, they don't even think that should be a right.

Oh, also, you shouldn't bother messing with your veins/arteries at all. Trying to slash your veins is basically considered as a non method on this site due to how difficult it is to do as well as how uncertain it is to do

 

[x22]

I kinda relate. In my case, I chose drowning because I think it's the only method that I can access but looking more into it makes me think otherwise since there are so many ways in which it can go wrong. I hate at how dying is so difficult. I wouldn't have to worry about this shit if humans legalised euthanasia but, no, they don't even think that should be a right.

Oh, also, you shouldn't bother messing with your veins/arteries at all. Trying to slash your veins is basically considered as a non method on this site due to how difficult it is to do as well as how uncertain it is to do

Yeah I know cutting is a terrible method. I was more talking about methods that involved major arteries, like partial or night-night. I do kind of want to start cutting though just to raise my pain tolerance if nothing else.

 

[AtLast]

Outside of pain tolerance, SI and resource availability, so many options scare me. I can't handle touching or even thinking about my veins/arteries, and I hate the idea of something messing with my brain even if it leads to death. Which is very hypocritical; I'm on medication. I have plenty of places ideal for partial suspension, plus intermediate knot-tying skills. But the idea of losing blood circulation to my brain completely sickens me. I know that death literally is just not getting any blood to your brain but I don't want that even though I badly want to CTB. I know there isn't really a solution but it's so frustrating.

I know what you're going through. The fear of it all is too much. I'm so scared I'll wake up in a vegetative state or not the same person and things will be worse off than before. There really isn't any solution and I don't like that. I sometimes pray for cancer or something that I have no control over. I've tried the suspension and the 1st sign of tingling in my body cause tremendous anxiety. But, it's comforting to know I'm not alone in my struggles!

 

[Death is my goal]

there's not many to choose from lol

 

[inconstantprayer]

there's not many to choose from lol

At least, after a hopefully brief period of suffering, eventually, there is release. There is a total release from all pain and time and chains and suffering... We can go home. Back to the heart of everything. Where we began, to hopefully be able to sort everything out. And once sorted completely clear, we can come back and do better, and eventually become the people we truly are, the hero deep within our soul unmoved by fear, only motivated by the heart full of love to embrace our oneness and bring our fellow souls to the ocean of life to drink our thirsty selves and eat our hungry childlike lovesong together forever.