Venting Child now in care.

[Lara Francis]

Hi.I have been less active on here during the past month due to a hospital admission which I am pleased to say came to an end today.
After many kind thoughts and comments from you guys I thought I had turned a corner and after several attempts and convinced myself to live for my boy.
I wish that this new enthusiasm extended to wanting to live for myself.
I have been on antidepressants now for a month and they have helped but I went to court yesterday and the judge told me that my boy may not come back to me until Christmas if I was lucky but it may be the new year which seems a million miles away.
Maybe it was right to take him away but social services had told him and me it would be for a considerable less time period.
I feel totally devastated,lonely and lost and his removal wether for the best or not will have a considerable impact on my mental health which they cannot see.
When I got up this morning, I was called for my medication but refused as I thought what is the point,I feel like he is not coming back so I have now lost everything in my life.
I told the hospital that I had no thought of self harm or suicide but in reality ,I feel massively sucicidal again and I don't know what to do and where to find the strength to keep fighting.
Maybe this is it.i have been so close to death that I felt I could touch it and this is the last nail in my coffin.
Thoughts kindly appreciated. Xx

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

you may not wanna read this but i grew up with mentally very unstable mum and it was horrible

if this (bad) news is enough to make you want to kill yourself again you apparently still have to face a long rocky road for recovery .

 

[Lara Francis]

you may not wanna read this but i grew up with mentally very unstable mum and it was horrible

if this (bad) news is enough to make you want to kill yourself again you apparently still have to face a long rocky road for recovery .

I agree, and 1 nurse at the hospital said I was no where near ready to go but I convinced the psychiatrist otherwise.it's a tug of war.pretend you are alright to get your son back or go through the heartache of not being with him when that's all he and i want,.do i just sack life off which is other option that keep coming back .
If he had not been taken into care, I would not feel this bad.

 

[GoneSeptember2018]

Lara, I saw your prior post from when you were at the bridge. That post showed me that you care more for your son than the sadness or upset you may feel, and that you want to try to find some way to be a capable mom who fights for her son. I believe you can. Let yourself feel depressed for a moment but then go back to making a plan to move through these next few months more easily.

We can help you figure out some ways for you to cope in the meantime.

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

its just a few month... follow the treatment and you will get eventually get your son back


at the moment i have the feeling you are busy feeling sorry for yourself instead making your sons well being first priority. but work hard and you will make it.

cheers

 

[GoneSeptember2018]

its just a few month... follow the treatment and you will get eventually get your son back


at the moment i have the feeling you are busy feeling sorry for yourself instead making your sons well being first priority

cheers

You sound pretty judgmental man. Sorry what you went through with your mom but no need to be harsh. She just had her son taken away a second time. "Cheers."

 

[Tiburcio]

Lara, I saw your prior post from when you were at the bridge. That post showed me that you care more for your son than the sadness or upset you may feel, and that you want to try to find some way to be a capable mom who fights for her son. I believe you can. Let yourself feel depressed for a moment but then go back to making a plan to move through these next few months more easily.

We can help you figure out some ways for you to cope in the meantime.

I agree.

All we who are here believe in you. We are here for whatever you want.

 

[Lara Francis]

Lara, I saw your prior post from when you were at the bridge. That post showed me that you care more for your son than the sadness or upset you may feel, and that you want to try to find some way to be a capable mom who fights for her son. I believe you can. Let yourself feel depressed for a moment but then go back to making a plan to move through these next few months more easily.

We can help you figure out some ways for you to cope in the meantime.

Thankyou xx

 

[Charlie]

You are clearly a really empathetic and caring person.
This is an important quality.

Many peoples parents are uncaring or outright abusive to their children - You are a depressed cookie that feels very sad face a lot of the time but you want to be there for your child. You are still alive for them, you are clearly a brave person, a strong mother.

I think you should wait these next few months out - Take the treatment and keep trying, let yourself get upset, let yourself break down. It's okay to not be okay and we will be there for you.

I feel lonely, no on around me in my family understands what i am going through really.
- in the future, when your son is older and feeling upset over something in his life, you will be able to be there far easier than others as you'll know what that pain feels like.
It's not entirely a curse.

I'm not sure i've expressed myself very well. I just want to say you're a strong and brave cookie :3

 

[Lara Francis]

My husband passed away and it was just me and my boy living together.my family live 80 miles away and my hubby side of the family are not in regular contact.our boy has an adult half brother who has disowned us since I was admitted hospital because he could not cope ! I have a few good friends but that's about it.
I work as a dinner lady but was put on compassionate leave after an attempt and the job is at my son's school so I dont know if I will be allowed back.!.

 

[Lara Francis]

You are clearly a really empathetic and caring person.
This is an important quality.

Many peoples parents are uncaring or outright abusive to their children - You are a depressed cookie that feels very sad face a lot of the time but you want to be there for your child. You are still alive for them, you are clearly a brave person, a strong mother.

I think you should wait these next few months out - Take the treatment and keep trying, let yourself get upset, let yourself break down. It's okay to not be okay and we will be there for you.

I feel lonely, no on around me in my family understands what i am going through really.
- in the future, when your son is older and feeling upset over something in his life, you will be able to be there far easier than others as you'll know what that pain feels like.
It's not entirely a curse.

I'm not sure i've expressed myself very well. I just want to say you're a strong and brave cookie :3

Thankyou that means a lot to me.I love him very much.in just feel that my life is just an existence purely for him and I need to get well before its too late.he needs his mum back in all aspects.

 

[Hanger]

I wish that everything will become good in this case and you will get your son back

 

[Charlie]

Thankyou that means a lot to me.I love him very much.in just feel that my life is just an existence purely for him and I need to get well before its too late.he needs his mum back in all aspects.

I feel so sad hearing about your situation. But I also feel hope for you.
You have an aim and that's a positive start.
you are clearly very strong or you wouldn't be around-

You can do this <3

 

[Anarchy]

Hey. I'm really sorry that this happened to you. Even if it were 'right' for him to be taken away, I'm not sure that it's for the best. Not for an extended period, anyway.
It must be really difficult for you to have no control or know when you will see him again.
I imagine that it'd be hard to decide whether to live or not, if you don't know if you will see him again.
I think that it's honourable to hold on for your son. He should be able to recognise that with time, so hopefully, if you do end things, he will think well of you.
You've come so far for your son: it would be a shame to end things now whilst there's a chance that you might see him again.
But it must be very painful to have the person you live for be gone for so long.
You seem to care for your a lot, and ending things won't change that. It won't mean that you prioritised your own suffering; it would mean that you couldn't take the suffering any more.
As you're son's so important to you, it might be worth waiting it out, but ultimately the decision is really about how long you can go on for.
If you can't, then that's understandable.
It can be really quite damaging to live for one person and to depend on them for happiness, especially as it's not a choice.
Even with your son back, it might be hard if you depend on him for happiness. But I don't think it's impossible for you to recover, if you were to try that route.
Whichever you decide to do will be right for you, I'm sure.
Either way, you did the best you could for your son.

I personally think that you stand a relatively good chance of recovery if you stick at it, and of course that would be preferable...
So, try your best for your son as you have been doing, but if it comes to the very last resort of suicide, you should know that you did the best you could, and that your son won't have had a less caring mother for it.

I of course hope that you will make a good recovery and be reunited with your son, but good luck with whatever happens and whatever you choose to do.

 

[Alexa]

When I was very young I was taken away from my mum, I never went one day without thinking about her and I wanted her more than anything, she told me she would get me out of foster care, my foster family was abusive, she was supposed to save me, I lived with her for a year and then she let her mental illness take over and long story short, she got very violent and angry towards everyone, we called the police and I haven't seen her since. She's not dead as far as I know but despite all the abuse I have been through, being without her is the most painful thing that's ever happened to me. I know I'm biased when I say this and I understand if you choose not to listen to me, but please don't let your illness take over. Please don't hurt your son like my mum hurt me. You can get through this, he's worth it.

 

[Lara Francis]

When I was very young I was taken away from my mum, I never went one day without thinking about her and I wanted her more than anything, she told me she would get me out of foster care, my foster family was abusive, she was supposed to save me, I lived with her for a year and then she let her mental illness take over and long story short, she got very violent and angry towards everyone, we called the police and I haven't seen her since. She's not dead as far as I know but despite all the abuse I have been through, being without her is the most painful thing that's ever happened to me. I know I'm biased when I say this and I understand if you choose not to listen to me, but please don't let your illness take over. Please don't hurt your son like my mum hurt me. You can get through this, he's worth it.

I am sorry to hear this.thanku for your words of encouragement.when I get really down i read the posts again in the hope to push forward and be 1 step closer to my boy x