Child abuse and suicidal ideation

[Time_To_Die]

I thought I'd make this thread for people to discuss how being abused as children has (or hasn't) contributed to their suicidality. Feel free to post your own experiences or any thoughts on the subject of child abuse.

I'll start off.

My dad had a bad temper, and a bit of a sadistic streak. He would get mad at me and make me do humiliating things as a punishment. For instance, one time he told me to pee in a corner of my room "like an animal" rather than the toilet. He then made me lick it up while he and my mom watched. I was like six years old and terrified.

Things like that happened with regularity throughout my childhood. I think this abuse contributed to me viewing myself as a kind of embarrassment to humanity when I was a teenager. I remember wishing that I was literally anyone but myself. I think that kind of self-hatred contributed a lot to my suicidal ideation.

In general, my guess is that a lot of chronically suicidal people have experienced traumatic things like this, and developed suicidal ideation as a coping mechanism. Interested to hear what others think.

 

[sanctionedusage]

not the abuse itself but directly related to the abuse


after being serially sexually abused by a family member at 4-5yo (im 20 now) ive since noticed the weird ways my parents see the incident

my mom sees it as a "failing" on her part, but not because of the expected burden of responsibility of failing to protect your kid; she thinks her flaw was being too kind and generous of a person and housing the guy that did it. not stupid, not ignorant to wonder if its safe for a toddler girl to be in a bedroom alone w a 25yo man, she just thinks shes too good of a person and SHE was personally taken advantage of. not a bad parent who let her kid be taken advantage of. at the time i told her (9) she was also more annoyed than concerned, would corner me and interrogate me about it with no warning, like i was lying.

my dad from the beginning basically needed me to tell him how much to care and how to react. he wanted to keep doing business with the guy but asked me if *I'd* be okay with it when i was like 10, when any respectable man with a pair of balls wouldn't need a 10 year old to tell him he should be viscerally disgusted at the sight of his kid's rapist. when i was 14, even greeted the guy with a hug and a handshake in front of me lol. after the fact, would talk about sex and mature themes in front of me or even with me and i wasnt shielded from those things the way other kids were anymore.

theres a bit more but these themes slowly cemented a realization that not only are there bad people in the world (not a hard concept to get over), but even the people who're supposed to be biologically engineered to instinctively care about and protect you— don't. there is no special maternal or paternal instinct; there's no difference between a parent and an adult stranger. i think i would've been suicidal anyway, but now knowing this, i have no qualms with "doing this to my parents." its all an act of fulfilling roles. they want to be pitied, and i'd be doing them a favor by giving them another reason to feel sorry for themselves.

 

[whywere]

I am 69, reference for this post.

My "dad" was the WORST ever. I have an older brother and a younger sister and growing up, until I had my growth spurt, I was a stress punching bag for my "dad, and he never laid a finger on either of my siblings ever.

After I had my growth spurt, a round 11 or so, he hit me one time and I turned around and floored him. He never laid another finger on me ever again.

All my life it has had a very negative effect on me. As far as how I view some folks, my social skills are still not up to par with most other folks.

I travel for work a lot and it always hits me so hard to be at an airport or the like and see a lady or guy yell at a kid and sometimes it looks like that pull on their little arms so hard as if the arm is going to be pulled off the body, so darn sad.

Never had kids and way back when a few of the ladies that I dated wanted a kid, marriage did not matter to them and i always said the same thing: " one cannot put the child on a shelf, take the batteries out and forget about them, it is a lifelong commitment.

Walter