BipolarExpat
Accomplished faker
- May 30, 2019
- 698
mynameispaige
Member
- Sep 1, 2019
- 58
My mother died of cancer when I was younger. She was married to my dad for 13 years. My dad went on dating websites less than a week after my mom died and then had a woman move in with us 4 months later. Then that woman ended up being my worst nightmare and I was abused by her until she got taken away from my house in handcuffs. What my dad did was horrible. People like him are who deserve what you're feeling. What he did was disrespectful to my mother. I'd never move on if I had a husband and he died. I'm probably too faithful to those I love. But 2 years in my opinion is a good amount of time. I don't know anything about her but if she is a good person than she deserves love again. He chose to end his life. She shouldn't have to end hers with him. Nobody should be expected to hold onto the dead for their whole life.
TheGoodGuy
Visionary
- Aug 27, 2018
- 2,999
Urgh I should never have made this thread apparently no one but me believes in true love and is as faithfull and loyal as me to everyone else love is just for rent and when you die your partner will replace you for a new lover.
What you are talking about is not true love but attachment. True love is genuinely wanting someone to be happy.
BipolarExpat
Accomplished faker
- May 30, 2019
- 698
Agreed Disrespectful indeed
To me it's not "knowing" or "not knowing" what true love is.
All love is true to the person feeling it.
It's just that you're trying to construct human (and your moral) rules around it.
Unfortunately love doesn't work that way.
Much like life,...in matters of love - fairness...or unchanging structures do not equate.
Or, other people understand that you can continue to love and honour a deceased person while also rebuilding a life that includes others.
BipolarExpat
Accomplished faker
- May 30, 2019
- 698
Btw, it's ok to not agree.
I recognize that not everyone can share my own perceptions, ideals, morals, etc.
I've been pretty traditional/small town in some aspects of my relationships (marriage and non) over the years.
If you want to stay "deadicated" to your loved one, I wouldn't judge you. That's your call. No one elses.
But when you start strongly condemning others for following their own hearts, well....you're gonna' run into some friction there pal. ;)
I appreciate the fact that you idolized this man but I'm not sure what you're getting at. Who would benefit from her staying single and acting the grieving widow part? You? The deceased?
Plus the man chose to terminate his own life: all due respect for that decision but unless one's circumstances have become physically impossible it's nothing short of an open declaration you don't want to have anything to do with anything in your life anymore including your supposed 'loved ones'. One would think any moral claims you have on other people cease along with your earthly existence.
I find this expression of conservative morality (staying single as a sign of respect for a deceased partner) rather ironic given that anyone who frequent this forum should have a progressive view on morality (pro choice).
I don't mean to antagonize you but I do think I'm entitled to express disagreement.
Plus the man chose to terminate his own life: all due respect for that decision but unless one's circumstances have become physically impossible it's nothing short of an open declaration you don't want to have anything to do with anything in your life anymore including your supposed 'loved ones'. One would think any moral claims you have on other people cease along with your earthly existence.
I find this expression of conservative morality (staying single as a sign of respect for a deceased partner) rather ironic given that anyone who frequent this forum should have a progressive view on morality (pro choice).
I don't mean to antagonize you but I do think I'm entitled to express disagreement.
Sooniwontbehuman
Member
- Sep 7, 2019
- 40
I think it is completely possible to love more than one person. Just because she found love does not mean she "got over it" or stopped loving him. Sometimes what helps a person get through the day is someone else, and if that person helps you, then why should you stop yourself? It doesnt mean you don't wish you could be with your dead loved one, and you might always love that person more. However, they are gone, so why subject yourself to that torture. If you were to leave your spouse, hoping for them to be miserable and grieving forever that is cruel.
The idea that there is a one and only is just that. An idea. Some people this might be the case, but not for others. I'm glad that people who get married and found out it was an awful idea divorce eachother. But yeah epecially if a spouse/partner decides to kill themselves it's not fair to expect them to widows the rest of their lives.
peacefully31425
Dirtbag
- Aug 28, 2018
- 162
People grieve differently, I suppose. It's also none of your business.
Wayfaerer
JFMSUF
- Aug 21, 2019
- 1,938
This is how I feel. My suicide won't be a "choice" but a necessity, and I am extremely bitter about the fact especially considering how long I've put up with so much misery and for it all to have been for nothing.
And some days ago I see on the News that his wife is getting engaged only 2 years after his suicide so she probably have started dating again maybe only a year after her husband of 11 years suicide I mean why don´t anyone have any integrity anymore? If a persons life partner dies they should become a widow the same for the men if I had a GF or wife and died I would want her to miss me and grieve for me and I would do the same I feel so bad for Chester
- And all the people in the comment section saying "good for her" and "that is what Chester wanted" I can tell you if I had a GF or wife and I died I would want her to grieve for me and miss me for the rest of her life and I would do the same for her otherwise your relationship didn´t mean squad!
Chester Bennington's widow Talinda announces engagement two years after his death
Talinda, the widow of Linkin Park's Chester Bennington, has found love again, taking to Instagram to announce she's engaged to her "angel on earth."eu.usatoday.com
I agree with you, real love is pure and eternal, no excuse. if she had had some decency she would have killed herself so that she could be buried with him.
who does she think she is to start a new life ? and what next ? a new child with her new partner ? maybe even an happy life ? damn people :)
funny how some people asking/screaming for freedom of choice, of thinking, right to die, not being judged etc..end up being the worst sometimes
Everyone has a different opinion on this, based on their experiences with others, values, and other things.
My husband had terminal cancer. He was my soulmate. A few months before he died (earlier than expected), he told me he wanted me to find someone else, he did not want me to be old and die alone. He was more worried about me than himself. I don't remember if I reacted or said anything but that was the very last thing I would ever think about especially while he was still there and I was still his "caregiver".
I think everyone's feelings about the spouse they leave behind is valid. It depends on the circumstances of the death and illness too.
The year he was diagnosed, treated and subsequently died brought is even closer together, we could discuss anything, death-related, post-death issues, our love, and the fact that we lived and loved together with no regrets about what we could or should have or didn't do.
He was a selfless man, I will love him forever, and 4 years later, I still consider him "'my husband) although my marriage certificate says in big letters right across the page : "DISSOLVED BY DEATH". Harsh.
About his wanting me to find someone else, I understand because he loved me deeply and I still feel loved. I don't see any possibility of me wanting to find anyone else and am happy to die old and alone if it wasn't for my severe depression.
However, if I did find someone else, I know that person would be respectful of the fact that my late spouse is still in my life in some way and it would take a very secure person to get involved with a widow. It's not impossible. It is no disrespect to the late spouse, any more than it would be for your family and friends to eventually find happiness again after you CTB.
To my late spouse: I will love you to the day i die and beyond. CTB or old age, but am trying my best to find the happiness that you would want for me. I'm just not succeeding.
My husband had terminal cancer. He was my soulmate. A few months before he died (earlier than expected), he told me he wanted me to find someone else, he did not want me to be old and die alone. He was more worried about me than himself. I don't remember if I reacted or said anything but that was the very last thing I would ever think about especially while he was still there and I was still his "caregiver".
I think everyone's feelings about the spouse they leave behind is valid. It depends on the circumstances of the death and illness too.
The year he was diagnosed, treated and subsequently died brought is even closer together, we could discuss anything, death-related, post-death issues, our love, and the fact that we lived and loved together with no regrets about what we could or should have or didn't do.
He was a selfless man, I will love him forever, and 4 years later, I still consider him "'my husband) although my marriage certificate says in big letters right across the page : "DISSOLVED BY DEATH". Harsh.
About his wanting me to find someone else, I understand because he loved me deeply and I still feel loved. I don't see any possibility of me wanting to find anyone else and am happy to die old and alone if it wasn't for my severe depression.
However, if I did find someone else, I know that person would be respectful of the fact that my late spouse is still in my life in some way and it would take a very secure person to get involved with a widow. It's not impossible. It is no disrespect to the late spouse, any more than it would be for your family and friends to eventually find happiness again after you CTB.
To my late spouse: I will love you to the day i die and beyond. CTB or old age, but am trying my best to find the happiness that you would want for me. I'm just not succeeding.
Edited to add:
In retrospect, it would be "better" to get over it and find love and life again than to be deeply and severely depressed and constantly suicidal and eventually CTB. I feel like there is a "window" where you follow the grieving process through but if for some reason you hit a roadblock and get stuck, and stuck seemingly forever like me, then you're screwed for life or till you CTB... If the window is open, JUMP!
In retrospect, it would be "better" to get over it and find love and life again than to be deeply and severely depressed and constantly suicidal and eventually CTB. I feel like there is a "window" where you follow the grieving process through but if for some reason you hit a roadblock and get stuck, and stuck seemingly forever like me, then you're screwed for life or till you CTB... If the window is open, JUMP!
HGL91
Warlock
- Jul 2, 2019
- 720
I don't feel it's right to judge his wife negatively. It's quite possible that she is just not strong enough to deal with her life without a man, and wanted to "move on", so she could stay strong for her children.
Yeah and back then, women couldn't have careers, so there was a REAL pressure to remarry! Especially with children!
Killed herself? They have children...I think they have 6, actually!!
Yeah and back then, women couldn't have careers, so there was a REAL pressure to remarry! Especially with children!
Killed herself? They have children...I think they have 6, actually!!
I'm guessing/hoping this is sarcasm...
otherwise, wow. Next year is 2020, guys... not 1020.
Ironcally, I myself will end up killing myself and being buried with my husband but I really wish I was strong enough to grieve and live appropriately and eventually be able to live a normal life with myself but sadly, no, its not gonna happen.
But I wish for anyone who is widowed to find a way to grieve and get whatever help they need, including leaning on old friends, new friends, family, therapists and psychs (ugh), whatever you need to get through it. Don't let yourself spiral to severe depression like me where I feel there's no recovering. Stop whatever you are doing. Take time off work right away if you need to. (I didn't) Be a bit selfish, you deserve it.
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BipolarExpat
Accomplished faker
- May 30, 2019
- 698
If only! Sorry.
I'm not widowed or grieving but if I could afford to take some healing time off (w/o becoming homeless), I would. As would most, I think.
It is indeed sarcasm. I thought it was obvious but sorry if you had any doubts
When you experience a loss of an immediate family member there is some time off or reduced workload that you can arrange with your employer including short term disability or unemployment... Sadly it's harder to get that without that loss.
In my case I had been his only caregiver for a year prior to his death so i was constantly at the ER unexpectedly 2-3 days a week and taking unpaid days off work or vacation days. I did get 3 paid days off after he died. Just enough to plan a funeral, find money to pay for it and arrange for people to show up. After that I was back at work for a year until I burnt out.
I'm dumb. Sorry! Got it now.
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Hexen
Student
- Aug 12, 2019
- 135
Well I do agree with you. I for example wouldn't want to have other wife if my wife died. Its just weird for me but then again everyone is different. Whenever I see something like this it just reminds me that we are just animals living to fulfill our needs. 2 years is kind of to early to remarry, just my opinion.
I get how you feel if you believe that people could continue being married in heaven as in earth.
I believe that everyone loves everyone in heaven and that most have lived more than once. But we all have our own thoughts of the afterlife and they are all fine.
OP, this is a good discussion. Even though I've experienced this and I believe like you that I will love him forever and consider myself still married to him till death do us (both) part, I can understand that sometimes there is a choice to be made: deep severe depression or moving on early (rebound). When you have kids, you can't afford depression and unemployment. I depend on no one and no one depends on me so I can kick the can anytime I like. Anytime. Well, as a lot of people here, anytime as soon as I get the logistics of the method right.
I really don't want to sound like I know more than anyone because values are values and they are all valid but when this actually happens to you, especially when you're young, there's no way to know how you'll react.
For example, he wanted go die a month before he did because he was in pain. I of course was holding on to every ounce of his life that I could and he stayed for me. Now, my view has changed significantly. I would have accepted his desire to end the pain, after seeing the agony he lived through in his last days, AND the agony of the psychological pain I myself am in now.
But at the end of the day, I share the OP's opinion or feeling, I can't imagine myself with anyone else and I am just fine alone (ok not mentally but you get it...).
I really don't want to sound like I know more than anyone because values are values and they are all valid but when this actually happens to you, especially when you're young, there's no way to know how you'll react.
For example, he wanted go die a month before he did because he was in pain. I of course was holding on to every ounce of his life that I could and he stayed for me. Now, my view has changed significantly. I would have accepted his desire to end the pain, after seeing the agony he lived through in his last days, AND the agony of the psychological pain I myself am in now.
But at the end of the day, I share the OP's opinion or feeling, I can't imagine myself with anyone else and I am just fine alone (ok not mentally but you get it...).
CFLoser
I fcking hate myself
- Dec 5, 2018
- 611
He's dead who cares?
The sad thing is people only have others around to mask their own issues and sadness. Her husband killing herself took away that protection and she grasped for more. It's not something we should be clapping over but it's also not something we should shit on her for.
The sad thing is people only have others around to mask their own issues and sadness. Her husband killing herself took away that protection and she grasped for more. It's not something we should be clapping over but it's also not something we should shit on her for.
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