Change of plans

[breadliker123]

Im CTB-ing today, not tomorrow.
The earlier I try it, the more time I have to retry if I fail.

I'm minutes away from visiting my mother, and I decided that overthinking the letter would just end up making me hesitate more, and thus, elongating the process.

After the visit, I'm going back home, locking myself in the bathroom under the guise of shaving my legs (which I already did earlier) + being sick in the stomach (lie which I've been working on since yesternight), then going ahead and doing it.

Theres not much to narrate from here on, so I don't think I'll be updating too much.

My best regards to anyone in here looking for a way out just as I am. May God bring you peace and may she bless you in your next life

 

[locked*n*loaded]

May you find the peace you deserve.

 

[darksouls]

love and peace to you

 

[breadliker123]

Update.
I'm back from seeing my mother. I hugged her one last time and told her a love her a lot.
All of my letters are written and labeled.
Im now watching a movie with my dad. I know that right after it finishes, he'll fall asleep. Then, I'll have all night for myself, and hopefully I'll go then.

 

[WaZedon]

I'm sorry you feel the need to do this, but nevertheless, I do hope you're met with serenity and peace in the afterlife. All the best to you!

Update.
I'm back from seeing my mother. I hugged her one last time and told her a love her a lot.
All of my letters are written and labeled.
Im now watching a movie with my dad. I know that right after it finishes, he'll fall asleep. Then, I'll have all night for myself, and hopefully I'll go then.

I don't think I'd ever be able to maintain my calmness if I knew I was dying the next couple of hours. Considering your steadfastness in this, I can tell you've made up your mind. Once again, I wish you all the best!

 

[breadliker123]

I'm sorry you feel the need to do this, but nevertheless, I do hope you're met with serenity and peace in the afterlife. All the best to you!

I don't think I'd ever be able to maintain my calmness if I knew I was dying the next couple of hours. Considering your steadfastness in this, I can tell you've made up your mind. Once again, I wish you all the best!

I'm just tired of chickening out as I always do. Though I guess my typing style is making me pass off as more calm than I already am. I'm actually really freaking out! Less than my last attempts, yes, but my eyes have been waterfalls all day haha.

Thank you for the kinds words nonetheless

 

[WaZedon]

I'm just tired of chickening out as I always do. Though I guess my typing style is making me pass off as more calm than I already am. I'm actually really freaking out! Less than my last attempts, yes, but my eyes have been waterfalls all day haha.

Thank you for the kinds words nonetheless

It might not be the right time to ask you this, but, do you have any regrets? If you're fed up explaining yourself, I totally get it. We all have our reasons for wanting to pass on to the next life. I'm just curious as to why you're doing this. Plus, what do you expect to see or do in the afterlife?

 

[breadliker123]

It might not be the right time to ask you this, but, do you have any regrets? If you're fed up explaining yourself, I totally get it. We all have our reasons for wanting to pass on to the next life. I'm just curious as to why you're doing this. Plus, what do you expect to see or do in the afterlife?

Don't worry, I don't mind answering. Any human interaction is welcomed right now haha.

Regrets. I'd probably say not talking about my issues.
I know all of my problems might've been better if I had just voiced them out loud. My family is too darn supportive, but I guess I was just too emotionally shut off to open up, and bottling everything up has made me come to where I am right now.
And in the afterlife, I guess I'm just waiting for hell, as everyone else is. Hopefully my stay there won't be long and my next life is luckier than this. I think I've been good enough for that at least.

 

[s00ngone]

I wish you the most peace. I'm so very torn on going today too, and the thought of going with "company" seems strangely comforting. I hope any pain is minimal and your relief, infinite.

 

[breadliker123]

Last update hopefully.
The movie is finished. We watched Sinners if anyone was wondering.

I think I'm having a panic attack? Or something alike. My hands are shaking real bad.
I'm waiting to get down from this and go through with the plan.
I'm really darn scared.

 

[loud&empty]

Wishing you good luck and peace as much as can be had.

 

[alliecake]

I wish you the best of luck. Sending my love

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best, I hope you find the relief you search for.