Venting CBT therapy revived all of my old suicidal thoughts. Think I got destroyed (once again).

[buscatchers]

I started CBT therapy a couple of days ago for a trauma that I went through as a child. I was doing just fine during the session, but my mental health drastically deteriorated as the day progressed.

Was wondering if taking all of the pills that I've saved over the past few months would help kill me. I've some opioids, pain killers of various kinds, etc. Would it be painful? If so, would it at least be quick? I don't want to do a method that would cause me to be alive and a vegetable. I just want a clean, quick death. I've even considered carbon monoxide poisoning, but I don't think I could pull it off easily.

 

[aniara]

Taking lots of random pills to CTB can have unpredictable results, it really depends on exactly how much and exactly what pills you're taking, plus other variables like where you are, if you're alone, what other medications you're on, etc.
Was this your first CBT appointment ever or just with a new therapist?

 

[buscatchers]

Taking lots of random pills to CTB can have unpredictable results, it really depends on exactly how much and exactly what pills you're taking, plus other variables like where you are, if you're alone, what other medications you're on, etc.
Was this your first CBT appointment ever or just with a new therapist?

Thanks for your response. Yes, it was my first cbt appointment ever. Never done it before. I was wondering if taking a majority amount (I plan on taking all of the bottles I have, and I have about 20 or so bottles full of pills.) I will do it when it is night time. I'm unsure if I'd make sound though. If I will be making sound, I'll probably try to find a way to do it when nobody is in the house.

 

[Holu]

I started CBT therapy a couple of days ago for a trauma that I went through as a child. I was doing just fine during the session, but my mental health drastically deteriorated as the day progressed.

Was wondering if taking all of the pills that I've saved over the past few months would help kill me. I've some opioids, pain killers of various kinds, etc. Would it be painful? If so, would it at least be quick? I don't want to do a method that would cause me to be alive and a vegetable. I just want a clean, quick death. I've even considered carbon monoxide poisoning, but I don't think I could pull it off easily.

I'm going to overstep my boundaries here, as I really shouldn't be encouraging either suicide or recovery. Still, a visit to CBT makes it seem like you are or were attempting recovery. If this is the case, and you are fighting or have some fight left please hold on. Medication takes about 2 weeks for your body to initially settle, and can take upwards of 6 weeks to stabilize. In this, it's going to be a trail by fire. It will be agony, pain, and suffering, and though I'm normally in the camp which detests suffering altogether in the pursuit of recovery it's unfortunately a necessity.

Ultimately you don't have to listen to shit that I've said. Do as you feel is best. My words here are not to dissuade you from peace, just to offer an alternative perspective and hopefully provide a minor amount of more information for your mind to work with.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you're going to go ahead and commit to. It's all love. If you ever need someone to talk to we are here. Always feel free to dm me. Best of luck to you soldier

 

[Linda]

You may already have done this, but I would suggest that you do some research on the effects of the various kinds of pills you have, at the sorts of doses you have available. Then consider what the combined effect would be. That's not perfect, because different pills can interact with each other, but it should give you at least a rough indication of what the total effect would be, and wether or not you could expect to survive it. Don't just swallow a buch of pills at random. You have no idea what the results migt be.

 

[buscatchers]

I'm going to overstep my boundaries here, as I really shouldn't be encouraging either suicide or recovery. Still, a visit to CBT makes it seem like you are or were attempting recovery. If this is the case, and you are fighting or have some fight left please hold on. Medication takes about 2 weeks for your body to initially settle, and can take upwards of 6 weeks to stabilize. In this, it's going to be a trail by fire. It will be agony, pain, and suffering, and though I'm normally in the camp which detests suffering altogether in the pursuit of recovery it's unfortunately a necessity.

Ultimately you don't have to listen to shit that I've said. Do as you feel is best. My words here are not to dissuade you from peace, just to offer an alternative perspective and hopefully provide a minor amount of more information for your mind to work with.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you're going to go ahead and commit to. It's all love. If you ever need someone to talk to we are here. Always feel free to dm me. Best of luck to you soldier

Thanks for your response. I'm not looking to recover honestly, I guess it was something to do while I figured out what to do next. I understand you don't condone suicide, so I apologise if I overstepped boundaries.

You may already have done this, but I would suggest that you do some research on the effects of the various kinds of pills you have, at the sorts of doses you have available. Then consider what the combined effect would be. That's not perfect, because different pills can interact with each other, but it should give you at least a rough indication of what the total effect would be, and wether or not you could expect to survive it. Don't just swallow a buch of pills at random. You have no idea what the results migt be.

Thanks for your response. I definitely will do some research on the pills I currently have.

 

[Catastrofe]

I am quite new here, but for the short time I have been following this forum I have read nothing but sweet words to everyone, not judgements. You are safe here to express your thoughts and feelings, and nobody will judge you.

You have asked a question, that is how it would be if you just swallow a ton of pills. The most commom answer to these kind of questions here will always be: do some deep research. To act impulsively will most probably cause you either strong pain or even more damages (amd traumas).
As stated from another member here, it is better you know what effects an overdose of some pills can be, because there are some medicarions that do not kill even if overdosed ; some others, like paracetamol, take days of pain.

All this forum is all about support, and a way of supporting someone who has decided to ctb would be help this person find the most peaceful, less painfull, and more suitable method to do it - also, avoiding unwanted consequencies.

Also, maybe someone else that has some specific knowledge or experience soon replies, so you know what you are dealing with.

Be safe, and let us know :)

 

[buscatchers]

I am quite new here, but for the short time I have been following this forum I have read nothing but sweet words to everyone, not judgements. You are safe here to express your thoughts and feelings, and nobody will judge you.

You have asked a question, that is how it would be if you just swallow a ton of pills. The most commom answer to these kind of questions here will always be: do some deep research. To act impulsively will most probably cause you either strong pain or even more damages (amd traumas).
As stated from another member here, it is better you know what effects an overdose of some pills can be, because there are some medicarions that do not kill even if overdosed ; some others, like paracetamol, take days of pain.

All this forum is all about support, and a way of supporting someone who has decided to ctb would be help this person find the most peaceful, less painfull, and more suitable method to do it - also, avoiding unwanted consequencies.

Also, maybe someone else that has some specific knowledge or experience soon replies, so you know what you are dealing with.

Be safe, and let us know :)

Thank you for your reply. I'd like to say in advanced that I do not intend my reply to come off as offensive or "angry."

I've been contemplating suicide for years. I wasn't even supposed to live past 18. The only reason I came here, to this site, was because I wanted genuine advice rather than people telling me that it'll "get better" or "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

I understand that this post may come off as impulsive, but the only reason why this was my first ever post was because I don't want to stay longer than absolutely necessary. I've known about the existence of this site for a while. I know that it'd be different on here. If I try to research a method, all I'll come across is suicide hotlines, and random forums of people asking the same question and then people telling them not to do it. Unless I'm doing it wrong, and I guess I don't know how to actually research, or what to even type in to gather the information I need.

I chose taking pills because of ease of access. Since I've accumulated them over the years, and because I want a way to guarantee complete death. I don't want to survive hanging my self and end up never being able to move again, etc. I also understand that there's a risk of not passing away/being found before death and causing brain damage, and what have you.


I do not have a desire to keep on going. I believe that I've lived a fair amount of time and I just want out. I think that my reasons are justified, and it's such a shame that a life was wasted on me, when someone more capable could've had it.

I also don't care how painful it'd be. As long as the end result is me passing away, and that it's a guarantee that I'll pass away, I'd be content.

Sorry for the long reply, and I'd like to once again emphasize that I am not trying to come off as rude or anything of the sort.

 

[lpfx]

If that's truly what you want, I'd advise taking your current method into consideration as well as all possible outcomes.

The risks to taking various random pills in order to CTB is very unreliable. I know this from personal experience.

There are other methods out there with a wide availability that can offer a much higher efficacy rate than your current chosen method.

While I'd like to say that you shouldn't do it in the first place, it seems that you've clearly made up your mind on the matter and this is the route that you wish to proceed. So, from here you should do a bit more research into the hows. As you know, this isn't something that you should take lightly.

I wish you the best, OP!

 

[pastelfluevogs]

I started CBT therapy a couple of days ago for a trauma that I went through as a child. I was doing just fine during the session, but my mental health drastically deteriorated as the day progressed.

Was wondering if taking all of the pills that I've saved over the past few months would help kill me. I've some opioids, pain killers of various kinds, etc. Would it be painful? If so, would it at least be quick? I don't want to do a method that would cause me to be alive and a vegetable. I just want a clean, quick death. I've even considered carbon monoxide poisoning, but I don't think I could pull it off easily.

Oh I get this. Been there. Majorly. Had a breakdown in CBT therapy. It was bad at first, but it got better. If it doesn't seem to be improving maybe it's not the method for you. Talking to my therapist has helped me majorly, and though holding on can be harder than letting go, it's worth it in the end. I met so many wonderful people in the time that I thought I wouldn't be alive for. I made friends and I lost some, I reconnected with things that I loved doing. Got back into painting for ME! Not for praise. I had fight in me. I still do. And the fact that you're doing CBT? It shows that you have fight left, and its also incredibly brave of you. You got this. Much love

pastel

 

[Inactive User]

When I was first starting antidepressants, I had to go through a lot of trial and error; it took weeks to stabilize a medication that would end up giving me suicidal ideation anyway. If you're looking for advice, I suggest sticking with recovery and waiting for it to stabilize. The fact that you went means that you were not set on CTB.

 

[Linda]

Thank you for your reply. I'd like to say in advanced that I do not intend my reply to come off as offensive or "angry."

I've been contemplating suicide for years. I wasn't even supposed to live past 18. The only reason I came here, to this site, was because I wanted genuine advice rather than people telling me that it'll "get better" or "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

I understand that this post may come off as impulsive, but the only reason why this was my first ever post was because I don't want to stay longer than absolutely necessary. I've known about the existence of this site for a while. I know that it'd be different on here. If I try to research a method, all I'll come across is suicide hotlines, and random forums of people asking the same question and then people telling them not to do it. Unless I'm doing it wrong, and I guess I don't know how to actually research, or what to even type in to gather the information I need.

I chose taking pills because of ease of access. Since I've accumulated them over the years, and because I want a way to guarantee complete death. I don't want to survive hanging my self and end up never being able to move again, etc. I also understand that there's a risk of not passing away/being found before death and causing brain damage, and what have you.


I do not have a desire to keep on going. I believe that I've lived a fair amount of time and I just want out. I think that my reasons are justified, and it's such a shame that a life was wasted on me, when someone more capable could've had it.

I also don't care how painful it'd be. As long as the end result is me passing away, and that it's a guarantee that I'll pass away, I'd be content.

Sorry for the long reply, and I'd like to once again emphasize that I am not trying to come off as rude or anything of the sort.

If it's time to go, then it's time. (Nobody here will tell you that it is not time. Or that it is time. That's your business.) But, first, you need to ensure that whatever action(s) you take will have the desired result. It's not a good idea to try to ctb, fail, and damage yourself badly in the process. And, second, it doesn't make any sense to choose a difficult, painful method if there is an easier, painless method available. There are some ways of killing yourself that give guaranteed results, but which result in weeks of terrible pain before you do finally go. You might think now that you don't care about that, and all you want to do is to go, but you probably would care after a couple of weeks of agony. Do some research before you act,. Keep your brain switched on. And don't act impulsively. Good luck.

 

[Catastrofe]

Thank you for your reply. I'd like to say in advanced that I do not intend my reply to come off as offensive or "angry."

I've been contemplating suicide for years. I wasn't even supposed to live past 18. The only reason I came here, to this site, was because I wanted genuine advice rather than people telling me that it'll "get better" or "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

I understand that this post may come off as impulsive, but the only reason why this was my first ever post was because I don't want to stay longer than absolutely necessary. I've known about the existence of this site for a while. I know that it'd be different on here. If I try to research a method, all I'll come across is suicide hotlines, and random forums of people asking the same question and then people telling them not to do it. Unless I'm doing it wrong, and I guess I don't know how to actually research, or what to even type in to gather the information I need.

I chose taking pills because of ease of access. Since I've accumulated them over the years, and because I want a way to guarantee complete death. I don't want to survive hanging my self and end up never being able to move again, etc. I also understand that there's a risk of not passing away/being found before death and causing brain damage, and what have you.


I do not have a desire to keep on going. I believe that I've lived a fair amount of time and I just want out. I think that my reasons are justified, and it's such a shame that a life was wasted on me, when someone more capable could've had it.

I also don't care how painful it'd be. As long as the end result is me passing away, and that it's a guarantee that I'll pass away, I'd be content.

Sorry for the long reply, and I'd like to once again emphasize that I am not trying to come off as rude or anything of the sort.

I did not nor I do see your answer as offensive or angry.
Also I would like to apologise if mine made you feel not understood, or if I came out as someone who would like to push or pull you in any different direction than the one you decided to take. This was not at all my intention. I am sorry if I was not able to communicate it well.