cause of death: omegle bf

[sanctionedusage]

if id just met up with my omegle bf i couldve been murdered by a really hot guy in an expensive hotel in manhattan at 17


at an age where dying would've still been a tragedy too, just all around memorable. instead ill just die as some trashy bony 20 something hoe hanging from a random tree and probably getting my foot chewed off by a squirrel. life sux

 

[persepexa]

if id just met up with my omegle bf i couldve been murdered by a really hot guy in an expensive hotel in manhattan at 17


at an age where dying would've still been a tragedy too, just all around memorable. instead ill just die as some trashy bony 20 something hoe hanging from a random tree and probably getting my foot chewed off by a squirrel. life sux

I'm going to hold your hand when I say this. Dying at 20 is still a tragedy. Someone dying at 20, regardless of the method, is seen as tragically young and "taken too soon". If that's your goal, it's not too late. 20 is very young even if it doesn't feel like it.

 

[sanctionedusage]

I'm going to hold your hand when I say this. Dying at 20 is still a tragedy. Someone dying at 20, regardless of the method, is seen as tragically young and "taken too soon". If that's your goal, it's not too late. 20 is very young even if it doesn't feel like it.

meh its an adult. i 'feel' 16 as well but like, its going to say 'woman' in my autopsy notes, not 'girl' or 'adolescent.' i do have a black/white perception of youth tho

 

[aRose]

20 don't feel young to me either but I was disabled by 10 so my view is a bit different. By 20 I'd had more pain than most grown men could handle. I'd need to know why you feel so used up already BUT I also can see how you can feel that way at 20 because I've been there.

 

[sanctionedusage]

20 don't feel young to me either but I was disabled by 10 so my view is a bit different. By 20 I'd had more pain than most grown men could handle. I'd need to know why you feel so used up already BUT I also can see how you can feel that way at 20 because I've been there.

used up omg lol
no reason, i look very young for my age and i have way less of the experiences than others have had by now. im no measurably different from 15, just more tired and weigh less. ive always thought anyone beyond their teens, and especially people legal and above, are all the same, 18 or 65. you could definitely tie that to some csa culture/conditioning i guess.

 

[persepexa]

meh its an adult. i 'feel' 16 as well but like, its going to say 'woman' in my autopsy notes, not 'girl' or 'adolescent.' i do have a black/white perception of youth tho

I had the exact same thing when I was in my early 20s. I attempted suicide at 24/25 for the exact reason I wanted to be (reasonably) young. I wanted it to be "tragic" and I wanted it to be in a way that everyone thought I was "troubled" so any bad things I had done they'd excuse it as that. I'm Irish so people really brush things under the carpet especially if mental health is involved. Also when I was young I really idolised celebrities who had committed suicide, whether as a deliberate act (Sylvia Plath, Marilyn Monroe) or who's actions led to their death even if it's not clear if that was their intention (Amy Winehouse), and they were all relatively young. The truth is no matter how we plan it, how tragic or dramatic it will be, it will end. People will talk about us for a bit, they'll have the funeral which, even if people don't attend, it will be talked about. And then life will go back to normal, even people who grieve us will go back to their everyday routine. I hope this was reassuring because that's my intention. God I'd love to be 20 again, before everything went wrong.

 

[Zaphkiel]

God I'd love to be 20 again, before everything went wrong.

This so much.
I'd fix so much things i think
The thin is, at this age, i wouldnt know, and OP can't know either.
Anyway OP i wish you to get better soon, you deserves it

 

[beat]

if id just met up with my omegle bf i couldve been murdered by a really hot guy in an expensive hotel in manhattan at 17


at an age where dying would've still been a tragedy too, just all around memorable. instead ill just die as some trashy bony 20 something hoe hanging from a random tree and probably getting my foot chewed off by a squirrel. life sux

ngl bro im getting off to the thought of this

 

[persepexa]

This so much.
I'd fix so much things i think
The thin is, at this age, i wouldnt know, and OP can't know either.
Anyway OP i wish you to get better soon, you deserves it

I know that's exactly it. It took me 10 years to figure out what I should have done at 20. I think in general what I would tell myself if I could meet 20-year-old me is to 1 plan things out better, what do you want to do and how are you going to do it, not just coasting by because that didn't get me anywhere, 2 don't cling to people, don't obsess over people, don't beg people to be in your life, among other things it just doesn't work and only drives people away, and 3 travel more, see the world, broaden your horizons. The thing is I also know if I went back in time and met 20-year-old me he wouldn't listen anyway hahahaha.

 

[Pluto]

 

[sanctionedusage]

ngl bro im getting off to the thought of this

People will talk about us for a bit, they'll have the funeral which, even if people don't attend, it will be talked about. And then life will go back to normal, even people who grieve us will go back to their everyday routine. I hope this was reassuring because that's my intention. God I'd love to be 20 again, before everything went wrong.

my post may have been misleading with the word "memorable" but this is all based on how i'd see myself, and what i want myself to live up to. other people would say 20 is so young, etc., and i've heard that, witnessed that; i know that's objectively true... to other people. but my standards come from myself and are judged by myself. ideally i wouldnt even be covered in the media or have any interpersonal relationships to be held a service for. i don't care to be perceived that way by other people. yet i'd STILL want to control seemingly 'superficial' or performative aspects of my suicide even with no one to witness it, because IM witnessing it. dying at an inappropriately young age was my personal goal just because i hate being of legal age. regarding the 'if i could go back' speech, my life is already improving and it has no effect on my desire to ctb. if anything, my suicidal ideation began when my life started getting back on track.

 

[aRose]

Yp

used up omg lol
no reason, i look very young for my age and i have way less of the experiences than others have had by now. im no measurably different from 15, just more tired and weigh less. ive always thought anyone beyond their teens, and especially people legal and above, are all the same, 18 or 65. you could definitely tie that to some csa culture/conditioning i guess.

ure not wrong. The older I get the more I realize I'm still just like 18 yo me but with more problems. I was also very smart and beyond my years so they say so that version of 18 ain't bad really but yet all us "adults" are really just trying our best to fake it imo

 

[lifteddream]

used up omg lol
no reason, i look very young for my age and i have way less of the experiences than others have had by now. im no measurably different from 15, just more tired and weigh less. ive always thought anyone beyond their teens, and especially people legal and above, are all the same, 18 or 65. you could definitely tie that to some csa culture/conditioning i guess.

18 = 65?
I don't think any culture thinks or conditions that.
Seems thats just a result of your own youth and ignorance. Hope you widen your umwelt, because this is appalling

Yp

ure not wrong. The older I get the more I realize I'm still just like 18 yo me but with more problems. I was also very smart and beyond my years so they say so that version of 18 ain't bad really but yet all us "adults" are really just trying our best to fake it imo

Thats sad. You arent grown beyond your 18 year old self? I read that many adults stop developing beyond 18 but why is that? And no, its not all adults. Not all of them are the same as you, even in only that regard. Ludicrous to say they are all just trying their best to fake it.
Again, its only the ones who have stopped developing beyond 18 years old.